The Nighthawk Comes at Midnight
by Ironbear
Summary: Sex in public brings its own risks and rewards as our heroes venture forth into the further adventures of Commander Nighthawk and his Commando Cutie! PWmP: Porn With Minimal Plot.
1. We Could Be a Lot More Deeply Involved

**The Nighthawk Comes at Midnight**

_by Ironbear_

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><p><strong>Story Blurb:<strong> Sex in public brings its own risks and rewards as our heroes venture forth into the further adventures of Commander Nighthawk and his Commando Cutie! PWmP: Porn With Minimal Plot.

**Title:** "The Nighthawk Comes at Midnight"

**Author:** Ironbear

**Rating:** PG-13 (FR-18)

**Disclaimer:** Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel the Series and characters thereof belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Brothers, 20th Century Fox, and Kazui Entertainment. Everyone else belongs to their respective owners, except for my own original characters. And hey – I'm not greedy about them.

This is a work of derivative fiction. All persons, characters, names, places, locations, entities, personages, and/or deities contained within are purely fictional, or fictional representations thereof, and any resemblance to any real persons, characters, names, places, locations, entities, personages, and/or deities are purely coincidental, or they are used in a purely fictional manner.

**Summary:** Somehow, that off handed, half serious, half sarcastic comment seemed to have managed to take on a life of its own, as adventures in role playing turn into even bigger challenges.

**Type:** BtVS non-crossover, Romance, Fantasy, Comedy, PWP. Direct sequel to "Take Me and Stake Me".

**Chronology:** Takes place part way through "Beauty and the Beasts" in BtVS season 3.

**Pairings:** Xander Harris and Cordelia Chase

** Author's Note(s):** A part of the "Life in Sunnydale" non-series. As well as what seems to be developing into part of a _very_ loosely related series called: "Tails of the Vampire (s)Layer", since I've gotten inspired to do more of them. PWP with at least a _little_ bit of not _completely_ irrelevant plot.

Het, naturally, given the players involved.

**Warning!** Ah.. screw it. If you read "Take Me and Stake Me", you pretty much know what's in here. Sex, and lots of it. Along with some meaningless and gratuitous storyline for seasoning. Probably _not_ safe for work.

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><p><strong>The Nighthawk Comes at Midnight<strong>

_by Ironbear_

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><p><strong>Part I: We Could Be a Lot <em>More<em> Deeply Involved... **

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><p>"<em>If sex were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I <em>wouldn't_ wear you out in public."_ ― Jarod Kintz

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><p><em>Sunnydale High School, Tuesday, October 20, 1998 – Noonish:<em>

Buffy was saying something unintelligible.

Okay, rewind that, Xander thought. It wasn't so much that it was unintelligible. Buffy actually was pretty good with the whole speaking thing, no matter _what_ Giles muttered about the 'incomprehensible prattle of American Teenagers.' Even if she _did _mangle words more than the normal Scooby tendency.

Xander always kind of half figured that she did it intentionally just to watch Giles' head explode, anyway.

No, whatever Buffy was currently saying was unintelligible mostly because at the moment, Xander was experiencing near total brain meltdown. Not to mention a complete and total malfunction in the areas of his brain that usually controlled stuff like, oh, paying attention and silly things like that.

Said complete brain meltdown being caused by the fact of Cordelia's bare toes sliding gently along his pants leg up along the outside of his calf, then slowly up the inside of his thigh to where they'd finally rest against his crotch and press in briefly and rub up and down along his raging hardon. Then _just _as slowly sliding along his thigh down to his calf before pausing to toy with his ankle for a bit before starting the whole trip over again.

All the while she was driving him slowly insane by doing this, Cordelia was carefully and quickly unpacking her lunch while maintaining a line of bright and animated chatter with Buffy, Willow, and Oz – apparently _completely _oblivious to the fact that she'd not only killed her boyfriend's speech center, but was running a _very_ real riskof having him explode in his jeans.

Finally, Xander managed to gather up enough cohesive thought and presence of mind to lower his left hand from the top of the table to his lap, and catch Cordelia's foot on the next upstroke. _Before _it rubbed up against his crotch again, thank you God.

Not so much because he especially minded getting a foot job from the hottest girl at Sunnydale High, but because Xander was pretty sure that that way led trouble and detention. Stubbornly refusing to budge from his chair in the lunchroom for the rest of the afternoon until his pants dried was just bound to get him noticed, most likely by Snyder. And then crucified. _If_ he was lucky.

Cordelia frowned slightly, and then stuck her lower lip out in a pout while shooting him a wicked sidelong glance. Grinning, Xander stuck his tongue out at her and began to rub her toes with the ball of his thumb in one of the ways that he knew she liked as a consolation prize.

Cordelia gave an almost imperceptible full body shiver, and her eyes went half lidded momentarily. Xander didn't think anyone else at the table noticed... and now that he didn't have his hot girlfriend stroking his dick with her toes, he could actually manage to tune back in to the ongoing conversation.

And to apply at least some concentration to eating whatever the hell this was that the cafeteria lady thought passed for food today.

Scratch that idea. Concentration was _not _what eating this... _stuff _called for. Total brain death was.

"So, you still get special meals made up every day, Cordy?" Buffy was asking, looking slightly askance at the minor feast Cordelia was unpacking, and then grimacing in distaste down at her own plate.

"Uh huh. My dietician prescribes them regularly, because, looking good and staying healthy? Not as easy as you'd think," Cordelia said, nodding. "And our cook makes them up every morning."

"You have your own dietician?" Oz raised an eyebrow, looking slightly bemused.

"Yeah! Well... no, not really. It's our family dietician," Cordelia said, making a face. "I don't really have my _own_, because Daddy says that that would be ostentatious or something idiotic like that."

"Uh huh." Willow nodded at her, her expression serious. "A family dietician is _lots _less ostentatious, obviously."

"Exactly!"

Willow turned her head, grinning across the table at Oz and winked. "Ostentatiousness is of the bad," Oz said, nodding.

"Well, I'm starting to so wish that we had one," Buffy said, forking a load of whateverthehellitwas into her mouth, and making a face. "Because this stuff? Uh... what _is _this stuff, exactly?"

"I'm thinking, glop," Xander said, raising a fork full and letting it slide off and drop back onto his plate. It hit with a moist thud. "Never been really sure what glop _is_ exactly, mind you, but now that I've seen this? One with the glopness, it is."

"Eww." Cordelia wrinkled her nose, looking down at his plate.

"Well... the menu board said it was Lasagna Day," Willow said, her voice _and _her expression dubious.

"I've _seen _lasagna," Cordelia said, still eying Xander's meal with equal amounts of dubious and disdain. "I'm pretty sure that _that_ wasn't it."

"I _hope_ it's not the same lasagna," Xander said, eying his fork with trepidation, "But it would explain a _lot_ if it is."

"Gotta agree with the Cordy," Buffy said. "Mom's made lasagna, and it didn't look _anything _like this. Or smell or taste anything like this." She made another face, looking down, adding, "And I'm pretty sure this stuff moves on its own between bites."

"Moving is fine. But if it screams or mewls," Oz said, "Back away slowly while reaching for the flame thrower."

"Thanks ever so. And on _that _note, my appetite is officially deceased," Buffy said, sighing.

"So, how's the new girl doing?" Cordelia said, starting to eat her prepackaged meal.

"Faith?" Buffy shrugged, and said, "Well, now that the Khaki Toast is, uh, toasted, she's not so much with the freakage."

"That's good," Xander said, nodding and forcing down some more gloppage, "As is the stakeage of the ancient monster vamp."

While he and Cordelia had been spending the weekend playing variations of Studly Vampire and the Hot Babe, and screwing each other brainless, apparently some ancient killer vamp had shown up hunting their newest slayer, Faith. _After _it had supposedly killed her Watcher and chased her across the country to here. Xander figured that a little freakage was forgivable on Faith's part, all things considered.

And then Buffy and Faith had managed to kill off Ancient Vamp's minions and dust the Big Bad in the process, without Xander or Cordelia ever really needing to be involved or even knowing about it until it was all over and done.

Xander thought that he _could _feel bad about the whole 'not being involved' thing, but everything seemed to have worked out all right, and no one died. All for the good.

And besides. Hot sex with Cordy. An entire four day _weekend _full of hot sex with Cordelia. Well, three and a half days, anyway. Round up. Which now looked to be leading to a whole week of hot sex with Cordy every chance they could find or make to get some alone time and a bit of privacy. Both after, during, and _at _school.

He kinda figured that he could be excused a bit of Slay Adjacent-ness on that basis, even if no one except for him and Cordy knew about the whole hot sex thing.

Xander figured they might also lose the whole permanent half smirk, half smug grin thing they both had going sooner or later, even. Maybe.

"Speaking of," Buffy said, interrupting his train of fantasy life, "What's everyone got on their Slay Calendars for tonight?"

"We're out, Oz and me," Willow said, giving her a rueful and slightly apologetic look. "Wolf watching."

"Yup. Full moonage," Oz supplied.

"Ah. Oh, forgot," Buffy said, sighing.

"Ah... kind of figured you'd have had that covered," Cordelia said, frowning. "What with the whole two Slayers, no waiting thing?"

"Well, did. And normally, yeah," Buffy said, nodding. "But tonight for your staking pleasure, three _vamps_, no waiting. On opposite sides of town."

"And I say, huh?" Xander said, raising his eyebrows. Maybe if he held his nose while choking this stuff down...

"Giles found three new killings in the obits a few days ago," Buffy said, shrugging. "You know – with the suspicious neck ruptures and Bar-be-cue fork stabbage? All due to rise tonight."

"Ah. And all buried separately," Xander said, nodding.

"And in completely separate cemeteries, yup, yup."

"Okay," Xander shrugged, giving up on trying to find a way to make his meal palatable and settling for just trying to not let it hit the inside of his mouth on the way down. "We can take one."

"We can?" his girlfriend said, looking askance at him.

"You can?" Buffy blinked, also looking at him a bit askance.

"Well, yeah?" Xander gave her a pained look. "Umm... solo slayage? All summer? We _can _handle a simple rising, Buff."

"Mostly," Oz said, nodding. Xander glanced over and grinned at the faint smile dancing at the edge of the werewolf's lips.

"Well, as long as they're not champion gymnasts or gymkata experts or anything."

"Well, if you're sure... " Buffy gave him a look that was half dubious, half hopeful.

"Oh please." _Cordelia _gave her a pained look, this time. She waved a hand airily. "Seriously, we _have_ staked new rising vamps before. Honest."

"Yup. One person gives them an, ah, hand up and out," Xander began, shooting his girlfriend a half grin.

"And the other one stakes them in the back as they come up," Cordelia finished, laughing. "Cue startled expression and instant dust pile."

"It's a science," Willow said, snickering.

"Don't try this at home, kids," Oz finished.

"Oh." Buffy looked nonplussed for a moment, as if that strategy had never occurred to her, and then grinned back. "Cool. Settled then – you and Xander take one, and Faith and I'll each take one. Whoever gets dusty first goes and backs up someone else."

"Aye aye, Captain," Xander said, grinning back. "Commander Nighthawk and the Commando Cutie reporting for duty."

"Commando cutie?" Cordelia mouthed silently, arching her eyebrows at him. "Help. I've fallen in with dorks and I can't get out."

"Poor Cordelia," Willow said, her expression filled with mock sympathy. "We feel your pain."

"Welcome to the dork side," Oz said.

"Yup," Willow nodded enthusiastically at her. "We have cookies!"

"Thanks, I feel _so _much better now."

That settled, Xander glanced over at the wall clock, and frowned. Huh. Just under twenty minutes into lunch. If they hurried... he nudged Cordelia's other foot with his and glanced pointedly at the clock, raising his eyebrows.

Frowning, Cordelia followed his gaze, then glanced down at her watch. She smiled broadly, and nodded, yanking her foot out of his lap and bending over her food.

Smiling back, Xander bent over his plate and began forking down his glop with a vengeance, no longer even tasting or registering it.

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><p>"Hrmm." Cordelia detached from his arm long enough to turn her head and give him a quick and thorough head to toe once over. "You... actually look good today."<p>

"Try and restrain your enthusiasm," Xander said, smirking and cutting his eyes over at her.

"Oh, bite me." Cordelia huffed irritably, and took his arm again, pressing up against his side. "I'm serious."

Xander shrugged, which incidentally caused his arm to rub against the side of Cordelia's breast. Yum. Have to do that more often... If he _did _look good, it was because he was actually taking Cordelia's advice for a change, instead of fighting tooth and nail against it. And was wearing stuff that she'd picked out on the last shopping expedition he'd been dragged along on with her. Charcoal gray denim slacks that weren't jeans no matter what the label said, and a long sleeved black shirt of some kind of thick, soft material that Xander couldn't name under torture.

The way to Cordelia's heart: take her advice on fashion and clothes. Among other ways, anyway...

"Hey, it's all _your _fault – it's stuff you picked out." Xander sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "My girlfriend dresses me. My manhood will never recover."

"You're about to get laid, dumb ass," Cordelia said. "I think your manhood will survive it."

"Point," Xander said, brightening immeasurably. Glancing sidelong at her, he added, "You look... edible."

She did, too: a white and floral patterned V-neck and low cut blouse that exposed lots of breast slope, and a tight, short, dark blue skirt that exposed acres of long tanned leg and made his fingers itch to hike it up over her ass. Just a hint of dark blue, lacy bra peeking out with her cleavage... Her long hair was swept up and over to one side, trailing down her back and right shoulder, and leaving bare a long, nibble-able section of neck and left shoulder. All in all, edible.

"Better than your recent meal?"

"Pleah. I've seen week old roadkill that looked better than that stuff," Xander said, grinning at her.

Cordelia made a face. "Eww." Giving him a coy, sidelong look, she said, "So, _that _means you want to eat me all up, then?"

Waggling his eyebrows, Xander smirked and said, "I would, but we don't have time to do it properly. Have to settle for the next best thing."

"Rats. And, okay." Checking her watch again, she lengthened her stride. "C'mon – we don't want to be late for class. Again."

"It's Trig. I can deal with late."

"Well _I_ can't. And neither can your _grades_, lamer." Cordelia scowled sidelong at him, adding, "And after we skipped all day Friday so we could sleep in and, ah, then do a lot of _not_ sleeping, we can't _afford _to miss any more classes, Xander."

"Yes, dear," Xander said, nodding. "But the, ah, not sleeping activities were _loads _more fun than geometry."

"Oh God yes. Hurry up, Dorkus. We're wasting minutes."

Reaching the back storeroom toward the rear exits behind the lunchroom, Xander did a quick check and then pulled out the spare key he'd swiped and copied, working quickly at the lock. Cordelia swept a fast look around, watching for Cordettes and other witnesses, and pushed him inside as soon as he had it open.

"Quick," Cordelia said, throwing her purse and book bag onto a shelf before reaching back to lock the door behind them. "We have forty-five minutes, counting our free period."

"Let's not waste any more of them," Xander said, letting his back pack drop and kicking it into the corner behind him.

"Ex_act_ly."

She came into his arms as he turned, Cordelia's arms going around his neck as she lifted her face up to his. Xander didn't have to bend his head far to capture her lips: Cordelia wasn't much shorter than he was when she was wearing heels.

He found over and over again that he kind of liked that in a girl, especially this one. Just as he liked the fact that she made a substantial handful of extremely curvy female in the circle of his arms...

Nothing delicate or fragile about _his _girl.

Cordelia's tongue slid between his lips, wrestling with his for dominance, and Xander very nearly lost the ability to form coherent thoughts.

_His _girl. Cordelia Chase was his girl. Cordelia _Chase _was _his _girl. And she'd made it clear over the events during the course of the past several days that she was his in most all of the ways that really counted. That in itself was equal parts of heady, intoxicating, and terrifying, all at once. _Almost _as heady and intoxicating as kissing her was. Nearly as intoxicating as having her lying beneath him, legs up, open and spread wide, full breasts heaving and jiggling, with her face flushed and contorted in orgasm had been...

Cordelia's back began to tremble and then shake under his roaming hands, and then she first giggled, and then snickered into their joined lips. Finally, she pulled back, bursting into laughter with her eyes dancing.

"Commander _Nighthawk _and the _Cutie Commando_?" Cordelia shook her head, starting to giggle again. She thumped him lightly on the chest, giving him a half dismayed, half amused look. "Good God, lamer. Where do you come _up _with this stuff?"

"Uh... " Xander said, valiantly wrenching his mind back from the happy image place it had wandered off to. Had to – it was far too small to be out on its own. He shrugged, smiling lopsidedly down at her. "Years and years of comic book reading, playing Champions with Jesse and Jonathan, and an active imagination? I dunno."

"Glack." Cordelia shook her head again. "And to think I used to have cool."

"Oh how the mighty have fallen," Xander said, starting to laugh as well. "Don't worry, Cordy," he said, lowering his head to capture her lips again, briefly, "You're still cool."

"Amazing how none of it has rubbed off on you."

"I'm impervious to cool. It's my one super power."

"Oh joy. And lucky me," Cordelia said, sighing heavily. "I'm deeply involved with the Boy Who Has No Cool."

"Well, not _that _deeply right at the moment," Xander said, his smile becoming lopsided.

"I have plans," Cordelia said, reaching one hand down between them and starting to work at his belt buckle.

Xander pulled back slightly to give her a bit more room to work. "Eek! Oh, help. I'm being molested by a cheerleader!"

"I really don't _need _any help, thank you."

"Oh. Well, carry on then."

Cordelia gave a throaty laugh and said, "I thought we _were _carrying on." She managed to get the buckle of his jeans open, and then began working the belt through it before undoing the snap. That out of the way, Xander's response was completely derailed by the sound and feel of his zipper going down, followed by Cordelia, err, taking things firmly in hand through his stretch boxers.

"Gnnng!" Xander's entire body stiffened abruptly, suddenly matching what Cordelia had taken hold of. Her smile took on a decidedly malicious aspect and she slid her curled fingers and palm down along the briefs encased length of him to the bottom V of his open zipper, and then slowly back upward. When she squeezed the circle of her fingers together slightly tighter around his cock just under the head, it elicited another inarticulate sound, made his hips buck against her hand, and damned near made his knees buckle.

"Guh!" Xander's eyes rolled back as Cordelia slid her grasping fingers slowly up over the fabric covered head, and then back down, repeating the motion a couple of times. "Ughnn... careful," Xander managed to gasp out, "It might go off."

"Oh?" Cordelia arched her eyebrows and gave him a look that had cat and canary feathers written all over it. "But I _want_ it to go off."

She slid her hand down again, pulling the front of his briefs along with it and then sliding back up until only her bare fingers were circling the equally bare head of his dick and the first inch or so, smoothing oozes of pre-cum along the underside of it. Xander's knees nearly went out from under him again, and his back arched as his cock twitched in Cordelia's grasp.

"Guh. Uh... but.. if it... goes off... _now_," Xander said, his eyes squeezing tightly shut, "You're _never _gonna be able to wear that blouse again."

"Oh. Oh! Well then... " Cordelia's eyes widened. "I'll just have to _do _something about that, won't I?"

Rising up on her toes, she leaned forward and kissed him deeply while slowly tightening and loosening her grip just under the head of his cock. Not interested in her having all of the fun – or all of the teasing, Xander brought his hands down from Cordelia's shoulders to the buttons of her blouse, undoing them one at a time. Cupping her suddenly exposed breasts, he slid his palms over them, feeling her nipples stiffen under the lacy bra. Cordelia groaned and her tongue began working even more frantically against his.

After pinching and pulling her nipples to full hardness under the material of the bra, Xander reluctantly moved his hands away from her breasts, sliding them along her sides towards the back.

Pulling away from his mouth just far enough, Cordelia said, "It unsnaps in front... " and he reversed course, fumbling at it slightly for a moment until the catch popped free suddenly and her tits bounced freely against his hands. Making a satisfied sound deep in her throat, Cordelia leaned back into his lips as his hands cupped her breasts again.

Just about the time that Xander thought that he was going to explode all over her hand, the underside of her chin, and probably the ceiling, Cordelia released him suddenly and pulled away from his lips. The abrupt change _did _make his knees go rubbery for a moment...

By the time that his eyes quit rolling back in his head once more, Xander found that somehow, Cordelia had managed to change position to where she was kneeling in front of him, eying his partially exposed erection speculatively. Reaching out and up, she tugged the front of his briefs down as far as they'd go, and then took hold of the sides of his waistband.

"Oh, my. I think that Little Nighthawk is getting _bigger_." Cordelia looked up at him from under her eyelashes, her expression pure innocence. Xander didn't believe that expression for a hot minute... "Does he have amazing growing and shrinking powers?"

"Oh, God – if you only knew," Xander said. It would have come out a throaty growl if his voice hadn't cracked part way through it.

"Let's find out." Smirking up at him, Cordelia slowly licked her lips and began working Xander's pants down over his hips and ass. Once they were down past the curve of his cheeks, she gave them a firm steady pull and yanked them down to his mid thighs. She repeated the process with his briefs, sliding them down as far as they'd go, watching with apparent fascination as his rigid cock bobbed out free in front of her face.

"My." Her eyes slowly going half lidded, Cordelia reached out and grasped him by the base, circling him with her thumb and first two fingers and sliding them along the shaft up to the head and then slowly back down. Leaning forward, she stuck out her tongue and ran the tip of it upward along the first few inches, getting a deep groan from Xander.

"Uh, Cordy?"

"Umm hmm?"

"I thought you were in a hurry?"

"I am," she said, nodding. "This is me hurrying." Opening her mouth slightly, she pulled him down until the head of his dick was aimed right at her mouth, and leaned forward until her parted lips slid slowly over the tip and past it.

"Oh God." Xander clenched his hands into fists by his thighs, matching the near full body clench he went into as the tip of Cordelia's tongue began flickering lightly over the tip of his hard-on.

He was pretty sure that he wasn't in danger of exploding _immediately_, no matter what his nerve endings were telling him, but if she kept _this _up for very long...

Cordelia slid her palm and curled fingers up along his shaft until they met her descending lips about an inch and a half below the head of his cock. Xander let out a nearly agonized sounding groan as his hips bucked forward slightly.

Sliding her lips backward, Cordelia let the head slip out from between them with equal slowness, and drew her head back a bit, looking up at him wide eyed.

"Wow. That sounded painful," she said, arching her eyebrows. "But gee, Xander. I thought you liked my blow-jobs."

"Oh God," Xander said again, nodding frantically. "I _do_. That was an agonized groan of intense pleasure."

"Ah. Okay." Lowering her eyes from his, Cordelia fastened her gaze back on the project in front of her, licking her lips slowly. "Just checking."

And, oh gods again. Damn. Cordelia on her knees in front of him with her blouse falling open and a blue lace bra cupping the sides of her full breasts as she slowly and lightly ran the tip of her tongue over the end of his raging hard-on was more erotic looking than _anything _he'd ever seen in one of his dad's porn videos. She loosened her grip until her palm and fingers were just barely touching him, except where he was pressing upward against them as his cock tried to stand straight up, and leaned back again to look up.

"So. You mentioned something about tit fucking fantasies the other night?"

"_Now?_" It came out in kind of a strangled sound except where his voice cracked again. Xander's eyes nearly bugged out, seeing his extremely stiff dick in his girlfriend's hand right above the luscious tits in question. "You mean right this minute?" Oh gods... he just died and went to geek heaven...

"Well... " Cordelia gave his twitching hard-on a speculative look. "You'd _probably _explode gallons like you did in my mouth Thursday night, and I _really _don't want to try and sneak out of here with cum all over my face, chest, and hair."

"Uh, yeah. That could be, like, uh... bad," Xander said, nearly babbling with his head going up and down like a bobblehead doll. "Well, not _bad _bad, but bad as in of the embarrassing, and you I we... oh god I'm babbling, kill me now, please."

"Naw." Cordelia snickered up at him. "I'd rather make you suffer first."

"Snerk." Xander looked down at her wide eyed and deceptively innocent expression over those tits, and burst out laughing. "Oh yeah, and you _would_, too."

"Yup." Cordelia lost the ability to maintain the innocently malicious expression and lost it in laughter as well. "You... bet," she gasped out, finally. "Death by blow job. Only where you never _ever _get to actually come."

"That would do it, all right."

"Okay. So, I'm not _that _mean," Cordelia said, still laughing. "Well, I _am_, but... "

"Just not _completely _heartless, yup," Xander said, snickering. "Although there _have _been bets made on that."

"Me being heartless or me being able to kill someone with a blow-job?" she said, arching her eyebrows.

"Both," Xander replied, and they both broke up laughing again.

"So, like, maybe not right _now _right now," Cordelia said, when they wound down again, "But in general?"

"Oh, definitely. Every time you've worn something low cut to class and then bent over where I could see down your top, usually," Xander said, grinning down at her.

"Ah. I'll have to remember that," she said, nodding. "So, you fantasize about me in class a _lot_, huh." Cordelia went back to slowly and lightly running her curled fingers along the length of his shaft.

"Unnggh!" Xander arched backward for a moment and derailed slightly before he regained control of his speech centers. Sorta. "Uh, I'd plead the fifth, but I think that cat escaped the bag already."

"Gee, ya think?" Cordelia smirked up at him and then leaned forward slightly to flick the tip of her tongue along his sensitive glans. "No wonder your grades suck."

"Speaking of sucking... "

"Aww. Is Little Nighthawk feeling neglected?" Pulling his erection down so that it was more angled toward her than aimed straight at the ceiling panels, she moved her head forward until her slightly parted lips hit the swollen glans, and then slid over it.

Xander groaned, feeling his eyes roll back again as Cordelia's soft lips and hot, wet mouth slowly slipped over the head of his cock and then down along the length of it. Stopping about halfway down where her lips met the circle of her index finger and curled thumb, she began to play her tongue along the sensitive underside. Xander groaned again and jerked even straighter upright as his cock twitched and jumped in his girlfriend's mouth.

"Uhhhhh... Cordy?"

"Umm hrrmm?" Cordelia looked up at him without stopping what she was doing.

"Gnnng!" If he thought Cordelia's _tongue_ was doing things to him, that was nothing compared to the sensations that that idle 'hrrmm?' just sent through the sensitive underside of his dick. "Oh God, whatever you just did, it nearly sent me through the ceiling, Cordy."

"Ummm?"

"Ggnnngg!"

She frowned and then her face brightened and her expression took on a more than slightly wicked cast above the head of his cock. "Mmm! Ymmm menn thnnn?"

"Nnnggghhh!"

"Hhmmm."

Oh God. He was right: Cordelia _was _going to make him pay for every single liberty he'd taken the other night with that thrall fantasy... "Uh, Cordy? If you keep that up... uhh... I may lose control of my knees and fall over and brain myself."

"Hmm." The wicked expression was replaced by a thoughtful look as the last humm made him jump and twitch in her mouth again. Cordelia leaned her head back and let him slide out of her mouth with excruciating slowness. "Well... as long as you leave _this _behind," she said, giving him a slight wiggle with her hand to emphasize what the 'this' was.

"Gee, thanks, Cordy," Xander said, shaking his head. "Nice to know where I stand here."

"Hey, a girl's got to have priorities," she said, giggling up at him. "Okay, come on, dork. I'm just kidding." Looking around their, uh, playground, she pointed behind him to a couple of stacks of boxes of cleaning supplies. "Back up and lean against that stack over there. _Can't _have you falling over and hurting yourself – _I'm _the only one that gets to hurt you with sex."

Twisting a bit at the waist, Xander looked over his shoulder behind himself. There were three stacks of boxes at the end of the storeroom: one taller than Xander, one about chair height, and another about two thirds of the height of the tallest one. That would work... and the shorter one had other possibilities too... he turned back to Cordelia and nodded, not completely trusting his voice. That soft hand around his hard-on was still doing its bit to disrupt his speech centers.

With a somewhat reluctant expression, Cordelia gave one last slide along the length of his shaft, up and down, and then released him. Xander gasped at the loss of sensation, and then pulled himself more or less upright and began backing up to where he could lean while Cordelia slowly and sensuously rose to her feet. She slid her hands up along her stomach and sides, slowly, smiling at him, and cupped her breasts to tease at them while he positioned himself.

"Wow. I think I've created a sex monster," Xander said, planting his feet and leaning back against the boxes.

"You so have. Doctor Nighthawk's Laboratory," Cordelia said, laughing. She smirked at him and then slowly ran her tongue along her upper lip while looking him up and down. "Turns innocent girls into horny sex maniacs."

Xander smirked back, laughing as well. "You were never innocent, Cordy."

"I was too! Back when we were six."

"Heh. If I'd known you were going to turn out like this," he said, watching appreciatively as she pinched and pulled on her hard nipples, "I never would have let you get away with turning into the enemy on us."

"Yeah. All those wasted years," Cordelia said, nodding and still laughing softly. "We _could _have been doing this from puberty on."

"I wouldn't have survived until Senior Year," Xander said, watching Cordelia saunter toward him while fondling her full breasts. She raised an eyebrow, giving him an inquiring look, and he elaborated. "Jesse would have strangled me before the ninth grade."

"Ah." Cordelia made a face at the not so pleasant reminder of their dead friend, and then shrugged. "He'd have had to have adjusted and dealt."

Glancing over, she spotted a stack of towels on one of the nearby shelves and brightened. Taking several off of the top of the stack, she dropped them on the floor in front of Xander, and then slowly eased herself down until she was kneeling on them with her face in front of his erection again.

"So," she said, reaching out and gripping him at the base of the shaft again, "Where were we."

"You were learning to play the skin flute?"

She glanced up at him, her expression going from startled to outraged, and then burst into giggles. "Oh God – that just sounds so _very _wrong."

"But musical and fun for the whole family," Xander said, waggling his eyebrows down at her.

"_Maybe _if your family is from West Virginia," Cordelia said, snickering. "Which in your case? Would _so _explain _lots_."

"Hey. My family tree has branches, I'll have you know," Xander said, deadpan.

Cordelia snickered again, and then went back to playtime, slowly and lightly gripping him and sliding her curled hand along his length until his erection twitched in her grip and grew even stiffer. Giving him a smouldering under the lashes look and a definite cat with cream whiskers smile, she leaned forward again until her lips met the head of his cock, parted slightly, and slid over the glans to close around him just past it.

Xander groaned again, and sagged slightly against the stack of boxes, suddenly grateful for the support.

Pausing to work her tongue against the head and underside of his erection for a few minutes until Xander was practically squirming, Cordelia followed through by slowly sliding her mouth down along him to the halfway point, and then slowly back up to just under the head. Rinse, wash, and repeat for several near agonizing long minutes... after a while of this, she circled him with her thumb and three fingers, and began slowly sliding her hand along his length in counterpoint to her downward sliding mouth.

And Great Googledy and all the Erotic Saints. They really _had _created a sexual monster with that role playing session. Not that Xander would even remotely consider complaining or anything...

All of the closet, front and back seat blowjobs that Cordelia had given him previously in their not-quite-a-year of making out together didn't quite add up to any _one_ of the ones she'd performed since Thursday night. Not in enthusiasm _or _quality.

Releasing another heartfelt groan of pleasure, Xander clenched his hands at his sides and resisted the temptation to take hold of Cordelia's head and urge her along. With excruciating slowness, she slid her lips and tight, wet mouth and sliding fingers back along his cock until her pursed lips slipped over the head, while her ring finger hit the base of his erection. Then just as slowly back down until her lips met the index finger of her rising hand in the middle. And again. And again. And...

After some seemingly endless amount of time, she gradually picked up speed, beginning to slide her mouth and hand over him faster. Xander groaned again, and then stiffened all over, including inside of Cordelia's mouth, as he felt her other hand come up and the tips of her fingernails begin playing through the wiry hair on the underside of his balls, scraping lightly along the sensitive skin there.

He felt a distant clenching sensation deep in his groin, and then the beginnings of a pulsation down in his nutsack as Cordelia's lips slipped back down over the sensitive glans and the now super sensitized skin along the underside of his cock.

"Oh, God... oh, gods... Cordy? I think I'm... "

Hard to tell, but for a brief moment Xander could swear he felt Cordelia's lips smile around his cock, and then they clamped down around him about two inches below the head. Her stroking hand began sliding along his shaft from base to her lips with ever increasing speed as he jerked slightly, and went into an almost full body clench. She gently grasped his balls with her other hand while running her tongue in swirls around the sensitive head of his prick.

Xander let out a guttural sound that wasn't quite a scream or a groan, but somewhere in between, and felt his nutsack try to crawl up into his abdominal cavity. Cordelia's hand gripped him even tighter, still slipping along the length of him from her lips to the root with increasing speed.

Black spots and bright colors swirled around the edges of Xander's vision as it suddenly felt like the tip of his cock exploded inside Cordelia's mouth. His legs shook and his knees turned to jello briefly as the first hot, thick ropes of cum jetted out of the tip of his dick against the back of Cordelia's throat. He faintly registered her making a gagging sound as her mouth clamped down tighter around him.

"Oh... gnuhh!" The feel of Cordelia's tight mouth gripping him and her tongue working against him as she swallowed frantically was incredible. He could feel her throat working as it seemed like endless jets of cum shot out of his balls. For a long minute, Xander wasn't sure if his cock and nuts were ever going to stop pulsating, and for an even longer one, he was almost afraid the top of his head was going to literally come off.

Finally, the rhythm of Cordelia's stroking slowed, and the black spots started to clear from his vision. He could still hear her making swallowing noises as his cock jumped and twitched in her mouth, but the first intensity of his orgasm was starting to fade. The gush of cum from his nuts slowed finally, and ended, and the frantic swallowing sounds slowed as well and died away.

"Uhhhh... God." Xander sagged farther back against the boxes with his knees quivering. Holy crap.

Having learned over the course of the weekend past what that did to him, Cordelia began working her lips and tongue up and down along the length of the now hyper sensitized first few inches of his cock and the super sensitive glans with slow up and down spiraling motions of her head. Far from collapsing, his now almost painfully sensitive erection gave several more valiant twitches – that didn't produce much except for a pulsing sensation – and swelled under her tongue.

Finally, still gripping him about two thirds of the way up, Cordelia pulled her head back and let him slide gently out from between her lips. Kneeling back, she leaned her head back and grinned up at him.

"I'm thinking someone enjoyed that," she said. Her hand slipped up to where her fingers were circling the tip of him, thumb and index around the bottom of his head, and the others and her soft palm gripping the sensitive first few inches of his still twitching hard-on.

"Oh... you have no idea," Xander said, fully opening his eyes finally to look down at her.

Reaching up with her other hand, Cordelia wiped away a few escaped trickles of cum, and smirked up at him. "I think I can guess, yeah."

"Wow." Xander gave her a look of sincere amazement. "Even after a weekend full of incredible blowjobs, _that _was incredible."

Cordelia's expression nearly instantly went from arch and smug to almost insufferably pleased looking. "Really?" she asked, her eyebrows rising.

"Well, yeah," Xander said, nodding. "Seriously."

"Cool." She continued the motion of her hand on the head and upper length of his cock, squeezing and teasing him from post ejaculation flagging back up to working hardness. "Wait – _just_ this weekend?" Cordelia asked, looking up at him curiously. "I mean, I _know_ we've done _that _before."

"Uh... " Xander mentally cursed his lack of a brain to mouth filter while trying to think of a response that wouldn't get him killed. Or maimed. He shrugged, a bit weakly.

"Come on, 'fess up, Dork-boy."

"Well, ah, uh... " Xander shrugged again. "Before it was... uh, almost like that was something you _had _to do so we could get back to working you up?" The last sentence came out all in a rush, sounding as lame as it had in his head, and he resisted the impulse to cringe.

"Oh." Cordelia flushed slightly, looking down and away for a moment. "Uh... well?" She shrugged, glancing back up. "Umm, sorry?"

"Hey, don't be sorry, Cordy," Xander said, shrugging back at her. "Uh, guy here. There's no such thing as a _bad _blow job."

"Just some are better than others, right," she said, frowning. Cordelia went back to watching what she was doing, which admittedly was worth her full attention. Definite pleasurable sensations increasing as her hand slipped over the head and back, raising his cock's interest levels again. "Okay, maybe, yeah. I wasn't quite as enthusiastic as I am now."

"Again, no big, Cordy. It's all good."

"Right. Well... " Cordelia sighed, and glanced down at her watch. And crap – the last thing he'd wanted was to make her feel guilty... She looked back up at him, and a slow grin started to spread over her lips. "Well, as much fun as _that _one was for both of us," she said, "If we're going to get me _my _jollies before we run out of time, we'd best get cooking."

"Heh. And I'm all about the Cordy-jollies," Xander said, grinning back at her. He held out a hand to help her up to her feet, and pulled her up against him once she stood.

"Good. Because I am so going to hold you to that."

* * *

><p><em>The Plot Thickens – and Lengthens – in the Next Thrilling Installment... Coming Soon!<em>

_._


	2. I Think That Look is In This Year

**Part II: I Think That Look is _In_ This Year...**

* * *

><p><em>Earlier...<em>

"Wow. They sure took out in a hurry," Willow said. Frowning slightly, she looked at the cafeteria clock and then in the direction the dark haired couple had taken.

"Uh, they said something about a thing they had?" Buffy said, less than half paying attention. She'd given up on eating her glop, and was now concentrating on moving it around her plate to see if she could sculpt things with it.

Hey – Devil's Peak. Yeah, that's the ticket. Maybe a UFO would come down and take her away from the Hellmouth.

"Oh, right, the thing." Willow said, nodding.

"They seemed really... enthusiastic about their thing." Oz shrugged, lifting an eyebrow slightly.

_Just _at the right moment to catch Buffy with her soda can raised to her lips and a swallow half down. She choked part way through the drink and started coughing. Did he mean what she _thought_ he meant? She glanced sidelong at Oz suspiciously, trying to not be obvious about it.

No way to tell. Oz's habitual deadpan expression and delivery really didn't give anything away.

Then again, apparently she hadn't been subtle enough. Oz caught her glance, smiled slightly and gave her a barely perceptible wink, causing Buffy's coughing fit to go into overdrive.

"Oh my God," Willow gave her an alarmed look, starting to rise from her seat. Buffy waved her off, getting the swallow down and the choke event under control.

"Eh. Just, ah, suddenly found a frog in my throat."

"Oh. That's good," Willow said, following the statement with an 'eww' face. "Except for the frog part, anyway."

"Ah. Right – I forgot about the frog fear thing," Buffy said, eying the treacherous soda carefully as she set it to one side.

"Well... not so much fear," Willow said, grinning at her, "As it is deep loathing mingled with absolute terror."

"Right. Make note: strike Will from the Slay Roster next time we have to clear a nest of frog demons," Buffy said, nodding.

"Eek! Do they _have _frog demons?"

While Oz shook his head, smiling, and began the process of reassuring his girlfriend that, no, there weren't frog demons as far as they were aware of, Buffy frowned and went back to her glop.

Hmm. Okay... so, for a couple that bickered like a kennel and an, uh, cat house, Xander and Cordelia were always a really touchy feely couple. Nothing unusual there, right? They were always holding hands, touching each other on the arm or playing with each other's hair, arms around waists or shoulders, and whatever. Not counting the heated grope fests, of course.

Buffy tried to remember if they'd been more or less touchy feely since they showed back up at school yesterday, and couldn't. She guessed she hadn't really been paying attention...

But then again, there'd been that whole playing hooky thing on Friday. Both of them, which was unusual.

Okay, less so for Xander, but even he really didn't miss much school. And really unusual for Cordy: for someone who gave every convincing appearance of being a vacuous ditz, she somehow managed to keep a grade average that, while not Willow levels, would put her into the bracket of Jonathan and most of the school brain trust if anyone ever noticed. Luckily for Cordelia, most people hit the vacant airhead thing and quit looking... and major class cutting didn't really play into keeping up a three point eight.

_And_ they'd been _real_ scarce all weekend. Again, not so unusual for Cordelia, but Xander could generally be counted on for showing up for a patrol or two. Yeah, well, Buffy had run into them a couple of times – together – at like the Espresso Pump and Mall and whatever on Saturday and Sunday. So they weren't _completely_ all reclusive. But not at night over the weekend...

Buffy had just figured that Xander was paying extra special attention to his girlfriend to make up after her huff and snit over his gaff with drooling over the new Slayer chick and...

And wasn't there something about Cordy's parents being gone... Oh crap.

Cordelia and Xander weren't having _sex_, were they?

Surely not. Again, Buffy tried to remember if Xander had been looking especially smug on Monday, or Cordelia had had that... _look_, and failed again. Drat that not paying attention thing. It always got in the way of juicy gossip collecting.

Not that Buffy had much personal experience with that, uh, _look_, anyway. Her aborted affair with Pike had pretty much only gone as far as heated gropeage and a blowjob before her parents had stuck her in the mental clinic. And the less said about her one night with _Angel_, the better. _That _had blown up in Buffy's face pretty much before she'd ever had a _chance _to walk around with a fresh fucked look.

Thinking it over, Buffy decided that she was pretty certain that Cordelia planned to keep Xander dangling just a bit short of actual sex until prom or marriage, whichever came first. Or Xander's head exploded...

And that they hadn't had a lapse on Cordy's resolve on that score.

Good. She hadn't missed the signs of Cordelia and Xander sex. Right? Right!

Which was way of the good, then, because not only did it mean that Buffy's juicy gossip instincts were still good, but it meant no hyperventilating Willow freakage. Which was really of the good.

So. No Cordelia and Xander sexcapades. She glanced at Willow and Oz. Uh, no. Just... _no_. No Willow sex either. Would be way too much of the freaky for one day. No sex all around. Including no Buffy sex. Darn it. Sigh.

Pshew. Glad _that's _settled.

* * *

><p><em>Elsewhere...<em>

"Uhh.. oh... _God_," Cordelia said, working herself up and down over him.

Following drawing her up to her feet and against his lips, he and Cordelia had taken a short break for a thoroughly enjoyable kissing and mutual fondling session. Finally managing to pull away from that, Xander had glanced around and seen that the chair height stack of whatever boxes could be shoved up against the taller one to make a kind of a half assed chair to lean back in...

Cordelia's hips bucked and rolled as she grunted again, low in her throat, and jammed herself down onto his hard-on while facing away from him. She ground herself against his crotch and hips, drawing an equally harsh grunt from Xander's throat as she tightened around the length of him. He slid his hands up under the material of her skirt, bunched up around her waist and over her hips while watching that perfectly shaped ass shove backward against him.

He'd found that when he sat down, if he slid his rear all the way forward to the edge of the boxes and leaned back, he had sort of a recliner for his head and shoulders to rest against on the taller stack. Not a horribly comfortable recliner, but then, comfort – at least of that sort – wasn't exactly the goal here.

He'd also found when he went exploring under that stretchy, short and tight blue skirt that the matching dark blue lace panties had little bow ties at the sides, allowing them to be untied at one side to dangle away from the areas they _both_ now really _wanted _him to have access to. When Xander had commented on that, Cordelia had just arched an eyebrow and remarked:

"Well, duh. No point in wasting any more time than we have to, right?" She gave him an impish look, and added, "Besides, if someone should walk in on us, I don't want to have to be scrambling all over trying to grab my bra and underwear in hurry. _Or _having to spend an hour getting myself back together after... "

Great theory, anyway. In practice, Xander wasn't so sure it would work out, but hey – he wasn't complaining in the least. The lacy panties had somehow managed to slide all the way down a shapely leg not long after Cordelia had stepped over to straddle him, facing away, almost before she'd finished lowering herself onto his now fully restored erection. They were probably now looped around her ankle somewhere down there, assuming she hadn't managed to kick them across the room during the subsequent, ah, activities.

Heh. Subsequent. He'd bet that most people would bet he didn't even _know _the word, much less was able to use it in a sentence. Giles would be _so_ proud.

At least he would once Giles got done with turning red, stammering, and polishing his glasses back into a pile of sand over the context. Assuming that he didn't have a heart attack...

Cordelia was currently impaled on him, sliding up and down while bent slightly forward, gripping her thighs just behind both knees with clenched and almost white knuckled fingers. Ow – he'd bet that she wasn't even aware that those fingernails were going to be leaving really _interesting _crescent moon marks on the sides of her knees... deep ones, like the claw marks embedded into his biceps from the other night. It probably wouldn't take a genius to figure out what they, or at least she, might have been doing recently.

She slid up an inch or so, driving all other thoughts from Xander's mind as her slickness moved along his hard-on. Swiveling her hips as she rose and fell, Cordelia began rising and thrusting back down onto him in a near frenzy, panting harshly. After several seriously entertaining minutes, she arched her back, let out an ululating Xena like wail, and shoved herself back down, hard. Her head went back, tousled dark hair flying wildly, and she ground herself against him, once, twice and again. Drawing in a long, harsh, shuddering breath, Cordelia stiffened all over, and then began to shudder in long ripples along her body, making harsh, low moaning sounds.

"Ohhh... uh... oh God... I... I think I'm... I'm gonna... uh uh... _uhggnn_!"

Her head falling forward with her long hair cascading around her face, Cordelia gave another full body shudder and then exhaled harshly. She began going limp, and Xander hastily slid his hands up from her hips and waist, catching her around the chest under her breasts and drawing her back to lay against him.

"Oooooohhhh... uhhh... wow... I think I... "

Whatever it was that she thought she might, Cordelia trailed off without finishing. She slumped back against and along Xander's body with her eyes closed, breathing heavily. Her hips made little rolling and twitching motions as aftershocks continued going through her, sending interesting sensations through his erection.

A sudden impulse striking him, Xander smirked and said into Cordelia's ear, "I think we're deeply involved now."

"Uh huh... " Cordelia said, nodding. Xander doubted that she'd even registered what he'd said.

Xander slid his hands on up, cupping Cordelia's breasts, and began stroking her nipples with his fingertips. Turning her head slightly, she made a contented cat sound low in her throat and arched her face up toward him. He leaned in and kissed her deeply as he continued running his palms and fingers over her tits, stroking them gently. Cordelia's hips continued to twitch and roll, picking up speed as Xander found the sensitive areas on the undersides of her breasts where they joined her ribcage.

"Oohhh... oh God... unnh... " Cordelia's eyes opened halfway and she let out a deep, low moan as one of Xander's hands left her breasts and slid down between her legs, finding her moist slit and then working two fingers between her lower lips. Her hips began to roll even faster as he slid his fingertip along between her lips, pushing herself insistently against them.

Yup. Just as he'd noted the other night: this position definitely made for a wonderful girlfriend shaped playground. All sorts of interesting things to rub, fondle, and stroke. And considering that it was _Cordelia_ laying back against him, wrapped around his cock with her hips bucking against his hand, a seriously gorgeous girlfriend shaped playground at that. Chock full of _acres _of long legged, tanned skin, fantastic curves, full breasts with silver dollar sized – and extremely sensitive – nipples and wet folds to explore, and topped with a gorgeous face that would give a lot of supermodels something to envy.

At least in Xander's admittedly biased opinion. And... nah. Not _that _biased.

He'd spent enough time, ah, browsing his dad's Playboy and Penthouse subscriptions to have plenty of visual comparison, at least. He'd seen centerfolds in both magazines that Cordelia matched and surpassed all the way around. And Xander was honest enough to admit that his odds of having a centerfold model wrapped around his hard-on and laying back against him ran from about slim to zilch. Hell, he'd never really expected to have _Cordelia _in this position...

The hell with Playboy. The real thing was _lots _better than any fantasy girl he'd ever bedded. Especially when the real thing was fast developing a taste for playing out the majority of his – and _her__ – _fantasies.

Xander's Cordelia slickened fingers found a rhythm that involved sliding down between her lower lips to where they joined together until the last joint pressed down against her clit, and then slipping back up along, stroking her clitoris all the way. And ending with him pressing two fingertips down onto it and making slow, lazy circles before starting the journey over again.

Cordelia gave out a strangled sounding "Ughn!" and then apparently completely lost the ability to form words and syllables. She began making a series of guttural, harsh whimpers and high pitched squeaks with every downward stroke and press of his fingertips. She arched back into him as his other hand found a painfully erect and rock hard nipple and pinched it, rolling it between fingertips and the ball of his thumb.

He pulled on the nipple, and Cordelia locked her mouth to his with her lips and tongue working frenziedly against his. Xander's fingers increased the pace of his stroking and she began to moan into his lips, her hips beginning to roll and buck with increasing speed against his hand and lower body. Suddenly she arched back even harder against him, tightening down like a hot wet clamp, and turned into a sudden whimpering and thrashing mess atop of Xander. Her legs stiffened out in front of her to either side of Xander's, quivering all over.

Every roll of Cordelia's hips lifted her an inch or two along Xander's now rock hard and sensitized cock before slamming back down against him. The sudden shuddering, trashing movement combined with her vaginal muscles gripping the head and upper part of his shaft like a small fist brought and answering twitch, and then a slow building pulsing sensation from way down in his loins.

"Oh, God... uhhnn... Cordy?"

Xander's fingers clamped down on Cordelia's nipple as his other fingers suddenly clenched and shoved down against her, causing her to make a strangled cat noise and begin a full body shudder against him, her hips working spasmodically as she came. He began working his hips, thrusting up to meet her as she bucked against him.

After a long, long minute of this, they both made harsh cries and arched back, stiffening all over as Xander began to pulse inside of her, feeling as though every bit of him was draining out through the end of his spurting cock.

Finally, they both went limp nearly at the same moment, and slumped back, panting.

Cordelia chuckled into his lips, her hips still making little twitching motions, and pulled back from Xander's mouth enough to open her eyes into slits and say, "Yeah? What?"

"Uhh... never mind," Xander said, starting to snicker.

"Okay," she said, nodding lazily, and unclenched her right hand from where it had apparently been gripping a handful of Xander's hair. He wasn't completely sure when that had happened, but then, he hadn't been tracking much there for a bit other than the sensations running through his erupting prick...

"Whatever it was, I think we figured it out."

"Uh... I'll say," Cordelia said, nodding again. "Ummm hmm... even. Wow." She slid her hand down to cover his where it was still reflexively and lazily stroking along between her legs, and added, "You can stop that, uh... sometime next year."

"I would," Xander said, starting to grin, "But we'd be late for Graduation too, _not _just class."

"Class... huh... wait, what?"

Cordelia pulled away farther from Xander's face, shifting so she could bring her wrist up to look at her watch. "Oh, crap," she said, "We _are _gonna be late if we don't hurry." She sat up abruptly, drawing a protesting sound from Xander, and turned slightly to give him a half mischievous, half apologetic look.

"Yeah yeah, I know," Xander said, groaning. "Can't miss Trig, yata yata... "

"Poor baby," Cordelia said, leaning forward to pull her panties up from around her ankle. Apparently she _hadn't _kicked them across the room... "Crap, I'm a disheveled mess," she added.

Watching appreciatively as she stood, sliding slowly up and off of him, Xander smirked and said, "Naw. You look gorgeous." He really should sit up and pull up his pants and shorts, he thought. Any minute now.

Or he could just lay here and quietly pass out.

Naw. Cordelia would probably insist on him getting up.

Her hands working under and at the side of her skirt as she retied the little side bow on her underwear, she half turned and grinned down at him over her shoulder. "Uh huh," she said, "A complete mess. A disheveled, half naked mess."

"Like I said," Xander said, grinning up at her. Giving in to the inevitable, he forced himself to sit up, groaning and rolling his shoulders to work the kinks out of them. Bending forward, he managed to find the waistband of his pants and began pulling them up.

"God," Cordelia said, shaking her head as she fastened the bottom button on her blouse, "I _have _to hit the little girl's room so I can make repairs before the bell rings."

"Naw." Xander finished buckling his belt and leaned back again so he could tuck in his shirt without standing up. He wasn't really sure he _could_ stand up yet... "I hear the tousled and fresh fucked look is _in_ this year."

Her mouth freezing open in the middle of whatever rejoinder she'd been about to make, Cordelia's eyes widened and she gave him an outraged look. After a moment, she closed her mouth, shaking her head and started laughing. "You think? I always wanted to be a trendsetter."

"Hey, it could catch on. Everyone will be wearing it soon."

Cordelia made a visible show of thinking it over, and then shook her head again. "Naw. Because once _everyone_ does it, I'd have to stop."

"Yeah. Wouldn't be cool any more." They grinned at each other and broke out laughing again.

"Oh – hey," Cordelia said as Xander managed to make himself stand, finally. She moved forward to plaster herself up against him, leaning into his lips for a kiss, and then pulled back with a reluctant sound. "Can you make it home after school without a ride today?"

"Well, yeah... I've been doing it for years," Xander said, giving her a curious look. "Why?"

"Ah... this gave me an idea for some shopping I need to do," she said, shrugging and stepping back. "I want to hit a couple of stores before I pick you up for grave sitting, later."

"Uh... okay. No problem."

* * *

><p><em>Kostume Kauldron, Ridgecrest Mall, Sunnydale, Tuesday, October 20, 1998 - later:<em>

Crap. Crap. Crap.

Well, not _crap _crap, exactly. Kostume Kauldron was actually the exclusive boutique version of Party Town here in Sunnydale, up in the higher dollar third tier of the Mall next to Spectra Fashions, Fenmore's, and Jackie M. Designs. Not quite as "adult" as Trashy dot com or Just Bare, but they did have a wide selection of, ah... adult playtime costuming. And nothing in here was crap.

It just _wasn't _what Cordelia happened to be looking for at the moment. At least not in _this _section, where she had been browsing through the military costumes and militaria for the past forty minutes.

"Not finding exactly what you're searching for?" a feminine – and faintly British sounding – voice said from slightly behind and off to her right.

Cordelia jumped slightly, yanked abruptly out of her reverie, and turned toward the speaker while automatically pasting on her brightest smile. "Oh! You startled me," she said, "And, no, not exactly."

"My apologies. I didn't mean to give you a start," the woman said, smiling. She was a... actually gorgeous... gray eyed blonde in her late mid or possibly early thirties, Cordelia noted. Real blonde, going by the eyebrows and roots. "Perhaps I can be of assistance?

"Maybe?" Cordelia waved a hand at the racks of adult military costumes. "None of these are quite what I'm, ah, uh... looking for," she said, trailing off.

"Oh? Hrmm." The saleswoman, Marcella going by her name tag, arched an eyebrow and glanced over the assortment. "Perhaps if you stated what you're looking for specifically?"

"Oh, well, sure... " Cordelia nodded, then shrugged and trailed off a bit uncertainly. She suddenly found that she wasn't one hundred percent comfortable blurting out 'I want a soldier girl costume that screams come fuck me, sir to my boyfriend'. Then again, salesperson. And a name-tag person. It was what she got paid for, huh, right? "I'm, ah, well you see, me and my boyfriend... ah... "

The woman smiled, nodding. "And you want something that will throw a bit more zing into the relationship?"

"Well, yeah!" Cordelia said, nodding. Then she frowned, and shook her head. "No. Not _exactly_. We have plenty of zing already, I think. Any more _zing _and his head might explode."

Marcella threw her head back, laughing. "I see. Wonderful mental imagery. So, then?" The other blonde eyebrow went up to match the other one, and the gray eyes sparkled mischievously.

"Well, we'd _kinda _been talking about this, uh... " Cordelia shrugged and found herself flushing slightly, "Uh, Hot Commando Guy and the Sexy Soldier Girl thing and... "

"Ah. Say no more," Marcella said, winking at her. "Right idea, wrong aisle. What I think you might be looking for would be in our 'Classic Pinups' and 'Nose Art' costumes section."

Cordelia returned the good natured and bawdy wink with a smile, and looked blankly at her. "Uh, nose art?"

"You know, like the sensual pinup girls they used to paint on the noses of bomber and fighter planes in World War II?" Marcella asked, tilting her head.

"Oh, okay. Kind of. Vaguely," Cordelia said, nodding.

Marcella's smile broadened, and she said, "Come with me, and I'll show you what we have. I may be able to assist you in finding precisely the right outfit for this, I believe." She gestured, and said, "If you'll walk over this way with me?"

'_Heh. If I _could_ walk that way, lady, I wouldn't need a vibrator,_' Cordelia thought, watching the blonde's full hips swing down the aisle ahead of her. She took careful mental notes and a full array of visual snapshots, while not in the least looking like she was staring at the other woman's ass. Hey – never _ever _pass up a chance to add to the feminine arsenal. You just never know when you might want to add that extra bit of sway to make Xander's head – both of them – explode...

And, wow. What a swing. With those naturally full lips, blonde hair, breasts that were actually larger than Cordelia's, and the full hips and rounded ass... plus the exotic gray eyes, if she ever _did _decide that what they needed was to add the ménage à trois fantasy to their role playing, she knew where to start shopping –

Wait, what? No. Uh, no way was Cordelia contemplating adding a threesome fantasy. Just, no. Not even if the mental image of the sultry Marcella next to her _would _peg four of the top five male fantasies from MILF to mother-daughter threesome to girl-girl-guy... no.

Not happening.

Jeeze, Xander. I think I'm going to have to dope slap you sillier next time I see you. You managed to somehow unleash my inner slut and now I can't get her back into her cage. Yikes.

"Here you go," Marcella was saying, apparently and hopefully completely unaware of Cordelia's inner monologue. "These should be more in line with what you were wanting."

"Hrmm." Cordelia arched an eyebrow, running her gaze along the racks of abbreviated – and ultra sexy – outfits. "You know? I think you're right. Don't know how I missed these earlier."

"It happens." Marcella smiled at her, and pulled one of the outfits out from the assortment. "Here, let's see if we can't fix you up."

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Join our heroes Next Chapter as they slip into someone more comfortable..._


	3. One is for Fighting, One is for Fun!

**Part III: One is for Fighting, One is for Fun!**

* * *

><p><em>Shady Hill Cemetery, Tuesday, October 20, 1998 – Early Night:<em>

'_Sweet Great Mamalooshin!_' Xander thought. He was currently thanking all of the gods and goddesses that watched over horny teenage males that tonight was a fairly warm October evening even for Southern California.

'Cause not that it ever got really _cold _in SoCal in late October, but it did get cool, and sometimes even a bit nippy. And if it was closer to the usual high to low fifties, it would be _too _cool for his girlfriend to be wearing what she was for whatever she'd cooked up in that perverted little mind of hers...

On that topic, while he was thinking of it, Xander added a fervent and heartfelt 'thank you thank you _thank _you!' for that unexpectedly perverted mind, too.

Because seriously? He wouldn't have missed out on seeing Cordelia in _that _particular outfit for the world. _Any _world.

Speaking of... Xander slowed down just a hair, dropping a bit behind his girlfriend so he could check her out from the rear elevations. And what a rear. My oh my. Cordelia Chase was currently wearing something that what was left of Xander's soldier boy memories told him would get her a Captain's Mast if she'd been in the military and had shown up on base wearing it or anything like it.

Too bad. The Army could do a photo spread and put her on recruiting posters, and watch the enlistment rates climb into the stratosphere if they had any brains. They could paint images of her on the noses of bombers and _triple _the size of the Air Force in a matter of weeks.

Cordelia was currently dressed head to toe, except for her calf length lace up black boots and stockings, all in a dark olive green and khaki...

She had on a short, tight fitting skirt that went down to a couple of inches above mid thigh and hugged the curves of her ass, with a broad red web style belt cinching it in at her slim waist. A complementary khaki colored, low cut collared blouse went down to just below her diaphragm, leaving her midriff bare along with a generous expanse of upper and inner breast slopes. Three small bright brass buttons held it closed near the bottom. Barely closed... the buttons had little crossed sabers on them and two of them were straining against the under slopes of Cordelia's full tits. Xander's fingers were itching to give those three buttons some much need stress relief, pop them open, and let the blouse thing fall open the rest of the way.

She had on a three quarter sleeve jacket thing over that that went from a high collar with narrow lapels around the neck, and wrapped down around the outsides of her breasts, hugging the curves there until it swept back behind her down to just below the hem of the blouse.

Xander thought he'd heard her say once that that kind of jacket was called a 'bolero' or something. Whatever. Extremely hot by whatever name you wanted to stick on it. The free standing khaki fake shirt collar with a dark green tie around her lovely throat was a nice touch also.

The aforementioned black boots came up to about two inches below her knee, laced up the fronts, and had medium high heels that were decidedly non-regulation, but did wonderful things for Cordelia's already shapely calves. Translucent, red, lace topped hose hugged the rest of the curves of her legs up to where they hooked onto a set of garters and disappeared beneath the tight skirt. Matching red piping trimmed the skirt, blouse, and jacket. Red lipstick neatly matched and complemented the piping and the hose...

The hose matched the lacy red half cup bra encasing Cordelia's full breasts, and Xander had already discovered in the car that there were a matching pair of lacy red thong panties beneath the short skirt.

Very wet panties by this point, after the exploration that had led to that discovery.

The whole effect was topped by a red piping trimmed garrison cap of the same color as the skirt and blouse. A pair of embroidered name patches over the swell of each breast declared Cordelia as 'ARMY' and 'MAJOR EXCITEMENT'.

The 'major' was a bit at odds with the Pfc chevrons on each sleeve, but what the hey: _Xander _wasn't about to dress her down for it. So to speak.

Maybe _un_dress her down...

He could definitely vouch for the Major Excitement part. They damned near hadn't made it out of the front seats of her car. The heated makeout session was only derailed by Cordelia finally gasping and pushing him away in a moment of sanity, or maybe insanity. Her reminding him that Buffy would be seriously ticked off if they completely missed the rising and their new born vamp made his escape caused him to reluctantly agree.

Xander's plain black fatigues made him feel seriously under-dressed in comparison, not that he cared. The black domino mask that Cordelia had bought him to wear made him feel a bit more than faintly ridiculous. Again, not that he cared: Cordelia had said that Superheroes all wore masks, so that was _that_, darn it.

Besides, it matched the blue and gold on black 'Night Hawk' t-shirt that she'd found for him somewhere at the mall. So there.

A few steps ahead of him, Cordelia turned slightly, looking over her shoulder to catch him checking out the sway of her hips above the red stockings. She grinned.

"Falling behind? What – can't keep up, soldier?"

"No ma'am," Xander said, smirking slightly. "Just checking out the lay of the land."

"Uh huh." Cordelia's grin broadened, and she laughed. She turned back to face forward, putting a bit of extra sway into her hips as she led the way deeper into the cemetery.

Ahead of him, she paused at the point where the path split to curve around the cemetery in each direction. "Okay, so where to, oh Night Hawk?" Cordelia asked, "And who are we looking for?"

"Uh... " Xander came to a stop next to her, slipping his arm around her waist. "Should be up that way, I think. And, uh, Andrew Waldorf? Waldrop? Oh! Yeah. Waldrip."

"Crap!" Cordelia gave him a stricken look, and Xander raised his eyebrows inquiringly. "I know him: he's our team equipment manager. Was, rather. Apparently."

"Ah. Crap, Cordy, sorry," Xander said, pressing a kiss into her temple. He didn't think he really knew the teen, but he could dredge up a vague memory of a red haired and freckled junior that he'd seen at games and various cheerleader practices.

"Yeah. Dammit. Coach Lassiter was wondering what happened to him the last couple of days," Cordelia said, shaking her head. "I should have known."

"Yeah," Xander sighed, nodding. "Miss three days of school? Around here, that's a sign you'll be attending night classes from then on."

"Snicker. And yeah, only of the kind of funny that's really not, dork," Cordelia said. "Okay, so I didn't know him all that well, and he was a kind of a nerd, but he was nice. And a _really _good equipment manager."

"Ah. Well, we can see if Willow has that soul spell, still?" Xander said, shrugging. "Most of your games are at night, right?"

Cordelia gave him an appalled look, turning in the circle of his arm to swat him on his chest, and then started snickering. "Okay, so at least it's a _practical _horrible suggestion. But _still _horrible."

"Well, semi-practical, anyway," Xander said, starting to grin. "Nerdy guy? Seeing you girls in the locker room and showers? Instant moment of perfect happiness, and then we'd have to stake him anyway."

"Umm hrrmm," Cordelia said, nodding. "Or open a portal and send him to Hell."

"To commiserate with Angel? You must really _hate_ this guy."

Cordelia's hand managed to thump him on the chest without her needing to look over. Xander grabbed the impact point with a dramatically pained expression and doubled over laughing.

They found the grave, finally, about half way in and just off the path. There was a wood slat and wrought iron bench just to the other side of the path from it. After checking the headstone to make sure they had the right one, they retired to the bench and set their bags of slaying equipment down at each end, taking seats next to each other.

"Okay, so, I wonder how long this'll take?" Cordelia asked, opening a cold drink. She handed Xander one from their cooler, as he shrugged.

"No telling? You've done this as often as I have, Cordy."

"Yeah yeah," Cordelia said, nodding. "I can just think of _lots _of things I'd rather be doing than sitting up grave watching all night."

"Well... we could combine the two," Xander said, leaning in for a kiss.

Cordelia stopped him with a palm against his chest. "Whoa, back up, soldier," she said. "We are so _not _going to have sex in a graveyard. _Eww_."

"Who said anything about sex?" Xander said, waggling his eyebrows. He leaned in farther and stole the kiss anyway, until Cordelia broke it off and pushed him back. "I was thinking of everything up to sex, but not."

"Right. Uh huh," Cordelia said, smiling. She took a long drink of her soda, and rolled her eyes at him. "Because making out in a cemetery? So very _not _guaranteed to make sure that Buffy or Faith has to stake us three nights from now."

"Ah... you have a point. Rats."

"I so do, darn it." Cordelia sighed. "A shame."

"Yup. Darned shame," Xander said, nodding. "And with you wearing that outfit and everything."

"This old thing?" Cordelia arched her eyebrows at him. "_This _is for _after _patrol and grave sitting."

"Wolf sitting," Xander reminded her. "We said we'd spell Willow after we were done here."

"Oh. Right." Cordelia scowled, and then brightened. "We'll throw a blanket over the cage so he can't see."

"Good plan."

"I thought so."

Grinning at each other, they both turned to prop their elbows on one knee and their chins in their hands while staring at the grave.

"Come on, Andrew. Hurry up and get dusty."

"Yeah. You're getting in the way of me fucking my hot girlfriend."

"You _so_ really really are. Bastard."

* * *

><p><em>Later...<em>

"Okay, so... I wonder how much longer this idiot is going to make us wait before he comes up?" Cordelia said. Turning her head away from the lips to lips position it had been facing, she glared nastily at the still undisturbed grave.

It came out kind of plaintive sounding. But not a whine, definitely. Xander was pretty sure after all this time of knowing her that his girlfriend didn't have the whining gene anywhere in her.

Shopping gene, bitching gene in full measure, and he was seriously starting to consider that she may have gotten a liberal helping of the nympho gene from somewhere, but whining? Never.

So that _definitely_ wasn't a whining note.

More of a frustrated horny note. Kind of like the one that Xander suspected would be in his voice if he tried talking right now.

Sighing, Xander pulled back from her a bit and frowned. "What, you're in a hurry?" he asked.

"Gee, Xander, let me think. How about: between this and wolf sitting later, this is seriously getting in the way of our 'us time'?" Huffing, she pulled away and sat up, still glaring at the gravesite.

"Ah. That."

"Yeah. _That_."

Sighing again, Xander straightened as well and turned his own best glare on the grave. "C'mon Andrew. Wakey wakey, so we can stakey stakey, you asshole."

Cordelia turned her face back to look askance at him, and then broke out into a giggling fit. "And, boy – is _that_ gonna encourage him."

"Worth a try," Xander said, grinning.

Leaning her face back up and into his, Cordelia's mouth moulded against Xander's again, and they fell backward against the bench locked into a heated clinch. Xander's left hand slid down from where it was cupping her breast and ran along Cordelia's side to her outer mid thigh. Running his palm up along the sheet red nylons and then over satiny skin along her upper leg, he slowly slipped it up under the very short skirt.

After a few minutes of stroking, he slid the questing hand around and between her legs, working two fingers up under the edge of the sheer lacy red panties. Cordelia made a sound that was halfway between a groan and a whimper as the pair of fingertips entered her and began to slide slowly in and out. She twisted slightly on the bench and spread her thighs apart, giving him better access...

Minutes later, she gasped and arched her back, her fingers clenching in Xander's hair. With an even more frustrated sound, Cordelia wrenched her mouth away from his and drew back far enough to gasp out, "Oh God... and we're stuck here in a cemetery instead of at my pool house fucking each other's brains out because?"

"Someone agreed to vamp sit tonight, I'm thinking," Xander said, his voice raspy with frustration.

"Gee, I wonder who _that_ could have been."

"Some guy named Commander Nighthawk?"

"Oh. That idiot," Cordelia said, her eyes still half lidded and somewhat glazed.

"Yeah. Bastard should be courts martialed," Xander said. Cordelia nodded seriously, biting at her lower lip, and then they both broke out snickering.

"Still, we did agree so I guess it's gotta be done."

"Heh. I can think of a few ways to make the time pass faster and occupy ourselves," Xander said. A slightly malicious half smile curled up the corners of his lips as his fingers increased their rhythm. Cordelia's back arched farther and she threw her head forward, panting, with her dark hair falling forward around her face.

"Guh." Moments later, after she'd stopped gasping and her hips had more or less finished jerking against his hand and drenched fingers, Cordelia's eyes opened halfway and she said, "Uh... what did you... uh... have in mind?"

Looking at her incredulously, Xander answered her with an eye roll and an eyebrow waggle.

"Oh, you're kidding me," Cordelia said, her eyes flying wide open, "Didn't we already discuss this?" Giving him a skeptical look, she continued, "Sex in a graveyard? In _Sunnydale_? Gee, let me think of all the ways _that_ could turn ugly."

Xander snorted his agreement, and said, "I was thinking more along the lines of just bringing each other off, ahh... _short_ of actual sex."

"Yeah, right. Because we've _so_ been having so much luck with stopping at _just_ that lately."

"Hey. Not _my_ fault you've suddenly become a nymphomaniac."

Cordelia gave him an incredulous look. "You know? I'm thinking it really kind of _is_, Xangelus, Scourge of California."

"Ah. Right." Xander thought about that for a minute, then nodded. "You do kinda have a point there, Vampire Layer."

Cordelia snickered. "I so do. And hey! I am _not_ a nympho. I'm a healthy modern woman with an active libido."

"Whatever helps you feel better about yourself."

"Bite me, Harris."

"_Very_ active."

"I don't hear you complaining, Jerk Face," Cordelia said, glaring at him.

"Complaint? Who said anything about _complaints_? That's heartfelt cheering you hear in the background."

"Oh. Well, okay then," Cordelia said, nodding.

They bother turned their heads to stare at the grave they were watching. Mostly watching. Still undisturbed and promising to continue that way for the foreseeable future. Sigh.

"Oh well," Xander said, shrugging. Turning his head back, he leaned in toward her lips again. "Time to inspect the troops some more."

Cordelia's eyes half closed as his fingers began slowly sliding in and out of her again. "Uh, carry on, Soldier."

"Was planning to."

* * *

><p><em>Much later...<em>

"I'm bored."

"Guhh." Xander pulled his head back slightly, and stared incredulously at his girlfriend, one hand still inside of her blouse and cupping her tit, and the other buried in her soaking wet crotch. "With this? _Now?_"

"No, not with _this_, lamoid," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "Uncrush your male ego, spank your inner pervert, and relax, dweeb."

He was currently sitting half turned sideways on the bench with Cordelia pulled up against him. Her back was against his chest with her ass nestled into his crotch and her legs spread – one dangling off the side of the bench, one bent and resting on the bench seat – giving his hands full roaming access.

And he was in the process of putting said access to good use.

"Oh. Pshew. You had me worried for a minute," Xander said, going back to what he'd been doing. Which _had _been seeing if he could tease Cordelia's left nipple to even more hardness and make her detonate on him... and he figured he'd been just about there before she pulled her lips away from his and made her little announcement.

"No, with _this_," she said, sighing. She gestured idly across the cemetery with her left hand. "We've been sitting here for hours watching alertly. Well, mostly alertly. Kind of alertly... and Andrew hasn't stirred."

"Late riser. And since he'll never have to wake up for school again... "

"He _would_ pick _tonight _to decide to sleep in," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes again and glancing back over her shoulder at him. Their eyes met, and they both burst out laughing.

"Oh well," Xander said. "At least we haven't been bothered by any wandering free range vamps so far."

"And there you've just jinxed us," Cordelia said, frowning at him. "And hey – I always wondered about that. Like, why would vamps hang out in graveyards, anyway? It's _not_ like they're going to find a lot of free meals stupid enough to be sitting in one making out, right?"

"In Sunnydale? Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

"Oh. Right. The most common element in the universe, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Right up there next to hydrogen is Stupidium."

"And Nonsensoleum."

"Isn't that what they teach in most of our classes?" Xander arched his eyebrows at her and Cordelia burst into giggles.

"I think so, yup."

Grinning back at her, Xander said, "I actually asked Giles about that once."

"Oh? Do tell?"

"Yeah," Xander nodded. "He said that they don't, really. They just use the graveyards when they're going to and fro, and leaving or coming back to their crypts from hunting."

"Ah. And when they're stealing some artifact from a crypt or mausoleum to use to make our lives miserable," Cordelia said, nodding.

"Uh huh." Xander nodded, and then shrugged. "The rest of the time, they go and hang out where the food is."

"Like the Bronze, Fishtank, airport motels, and bus and train station, right." Cordelia made a face, nodding. "And on that depressing note," she said, sitting up and leaning away, "I'm still bored."

Xander stared mournfully at his hand where it had pulled out from inside of Cordelia's blouse as she'd drawn away. Damn.

"Hrrm." Cordelia leaned back, stretching her arms over her head and smirking when Xander's eyes followed every rise and bobble of the outer swells of her tits. "There has to be _something _we can do to relieve the boredom and make the time pass faster."

"Well, I thought we _were _doing something... " Xander ventured.

"Oh, hell. We can _always _just make out, Xander." Cordelia finished her stretch, and swung her legs out, twisting away while standing up and causing Xander's fingers to slip out from inside of her, leaving a moist trail along one inner thigh. Turning away from him, she walked a few steps up the path and stood on tiptoe, craning her head about and looking out into the streetlamp lit night.

As Xander frowned, trying to figure out what she was up to, his girlfriend's voice came drifting back to him. "My. It's _awful _quiet out there... "

The voice that came back was Cordelia's best 'ditzy brunette bimbo' voice, the one she put on when she wanted someone to think she was a brainless airhead over a pair of impressive tits and nothing more. Coupled with just a slight addition of melt in your pants _and _in your hand phone sex to it.

Snickering under his breath, Xander stretched and stood up himself. Pulling on the Nighthawk mask she'd gotten for him, he moved stealthily up behind her. "Yup. Too quiet, Private."

"Eep!" Cordelia gave a slight start, jumping. "Where did you come from, sir?"

"Doing a quick solo patrol, soldier," Xander said, pitching his voice lower and gruffer.

"Ah. Okay. So, what do you think the enemy is up to?" Cordelia shaded her eyes with her hand, peering about into the shadows around the area.

"What they always do, Private," Xander said, moving up until he was standing right behind her, the tented out front of his fatigue pants pressing into the back of her skirt. "Lurking."

"Gasp," Cordelia said, giving a small all over shiver. "Do- do you think they're watching us?"

"Always," Xander said. "You'd better look sharp. We wouldn't want any lapses in attention to allow them to sneak up on us."

"No sir. No lapsing, sir. Certainly not." Cordelia wriggled her rear as Xander put a hand on each of her hips and pulled her in against him until his rising hard-on was pressing deeper into the back of her skirt. "So... uh... what do we do if we spot the enemy?"

"Well, _normally_, we would shoot them," Xander said, nibbling his way up along the side of Cordelia's neck. "But... since we're on a peace time patrol, our orders are to capture, not kill."

"Oh... I mean, Oh! Right," Cordelia said, arching her neck back. "And then what, uh, sir?"

"We move immediately to Prisoner of War protocols," Xander said, nipping at her earlobe. "You _do _know what those are, right?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, uh... " Cordelia squirmed against him as his hands moved up from her hips over her bare waist to cup her breasts. "We, ah, touched on that in Basic, uh, of course... but, umm... it's _been _awhile."

"Well, you're overdue for a refresher course then, Private," Xander said, starting to grin again. Sliding his hands down from fondling Cordelia's breasts, he took hold of her wrists and turned her toward the lamp post next to their bench. Holding her wrists together behind her with one hand, he gave her a gentle push toward it with his other palm between her shoulders. "First, it's important to securely restrain the prisoner."

"Uh huh," Cordelia said, once he'd walked her over to the lamp post. "And then what, Commander?"

"After that, you have to make _certain _they're not concealing any weaponry they could use to harm you, themselves, or your men," Xander said. "You _were _given the course on body searches, right?"

"I- I think so," Cordelia said, licking her lips. "But maybe you'd better show me. Just in case. I mean, uh, I wouldn't want to mess up on something _that _important."

Guh. Giving Cordelia in her skimpy soldier suit a full body search... Xander's brain stutter stepped briefly. Okay, this could be _seriously _entertaining. _He _definitely wasn't bored any more.

"Can do, soldier," Xander said. Releasing Cordelia's wrists and giving her a gentle shove against her upper back, he added, "All right. Assume the position, prisoner."

"You mean like this?" Cordelia bent over slowly at the waist, reaching out to grasp the lamp post with both hands. She gave him an inquiring look back over her shoulder.

"Not quite. Eyes front, prisoner," Xander said, snapping it out gruffly. Gasping, Cordelia gave him a mock outraged look and snapped her head back around, staring at the lamp post. Grasping her by the hips, Xander stepped back, pulling her with him. "Back farther, prisoner. Fully bent over. Feet apart. _Wider_."

Moving her back until Cordelia was bent over from the waist with her arms fully extended, he nudged her feet wider with his until she was standing with her legs spread, feet well over a shoulder's width apart. And looking _seriously _pin up pornographic in that position, too. Damn.

"L- like that, sir? N-now what?" Cordelia said, still using her brainless ditz phone sex voice.

"Next," Xander said, squatting on his heels behind her, "It's important to check _all _of the places the prisoner could be hiding a weapon or contraband. _Thoroughly_."

"Yes sir. Are you going to continue the demonstration, sir?"

"Oh yeah." Xander shook his head. Wow. He wasn't sure exactly how he'd managed to luck out like this in the girlfriend sweepstakes, but he was _seriously _going to burn an offering to Aphrodite and Cupid when he got home later.

Standing again, Xander stepped in and bent forward over Cordelia with his hardon pressed into her skirt at the back where it hugged the curve of her ass.

"Oh!" Cordelia's head arched back slightly and she turned it a bit to look sidelong at him from the corner of one eye. "Is that your weapon, Commander?"

"No, it's my gun, soldier," Xander said, smirking down at her.

Nodding slowly, Cordelia bit at her lower lip with her eyes going wider. "I see," she said. Wriggling her hips, she ground the cleft of her full ass cheeks into his fatigues covered shaft.

Glah! Any more of that, and Xander was pretty sure he wouldn't last out the rest of the demonstration. A mental image of him charging in to stake the newly risen Andrew with a huge stain spreading across his cum drenched crotch flitted past his mind's eye, and he stifled a nearly hysterical giggle with an effort.

No. He didn't have enough fatigue pants to be able to afford to incinerate any of them due to, ah, accidental field discharges.

"Ahhh... uh, ahem." Xander shook his head, wrenching his mind back to the business at hand with an effort. And considering the business at hand, it was worth the effort... "Prisoners can be dangerous, Private. It's important to keep them covered at all times and maintain control of the situation."

"Oh. Well," Cordelia's phone sex voice turned even sultrier and she wiggled her ass against him again, "You certainly seem to have me covered, sir."

"Guh!" Xander gasped, and then shook his head, managing to grate out, "Noo... but I have plans, Soldier."

"Ah. Good," Cordelia said, turning her head forward to face the lamppost again. "I mean, ah, no! You'll never get anything into me, you pig! Uh, out of me, I mean."

Nearly losing it to hysterical laughter, Xander leaned over Cordelia's back, and ran his hands slowly up and along the outsides of her thighs, over her hips, and around her waist.

"Now, prisoners can be tricky, so it's important to search everyplace where they could be hiding a weapon or contraband," Xander said. He slid his hands along Cordelia's sides and up under the bolero jacket until his fingers were pressed into the outer swell of her breasts. "Pay special attention to the waistband and places where they could be concealing a shoulder holster."

"Oh, okay... I, ah, see... " Cordelia said, her voice getting huskier as Xander cupped a breast in each hand and squeezed them. "Ah, those aren't my shoulders, ah, sir."

"Female prisoners can be especially devious, trooper," Xander said, pulling Cordelia's blouse away and to the sides so that her bra encased tits flopped out freely. _Barely _bra encased... if there were any less material there, it wouldn't even qualify as a lacy string bikini. "They have all sorts of places to conceal things."

"Ooohhh... " Cordelia said, or more like moaned. "I see. Are you going to check _all _of them, sir?"

"That was the plan," Xander said. "It's important to be thorough, if you want to learn how to pass the course."

He roughly yanked the lacy half cups of the bra away from Cordelia's breasts, eliciting a squeak from her as his calloused fingers slid over her bare flesh. He got another squeak that turned abruptly into a groan when he closed his fingertips around her hard nipples and pulled at them.

"Oh, God... "

"Pretty sure that He's not going to help you, prisoner," Xander said, rolling her sensitive nipples between his fingertips and thumbs as he pulled on them.

"Oh... ughn!" Cordelia's head fell down between her outstretched arms with her hair going forward as her hips jerked back against him. The red trimmed garrison cap fell nearly off, held precariously in place by only a pair of pins.

Releasing Cordelia's nipples, Xander slid his hands slowly and lingeringly off of her breasts and up her sides to her back.

"It's also important check the collar and along the back for concealed weapons," he said, breathing heavily, "Before moving on to other areas."

"Uh huh... " Cordelia breathed out, panting. "C- can't overlook the, uh, ugnh... other areas."

Running his fingertips around the inside of the collar, Xander then slid both palms slowly down the length of Cordelia's back over the jacket until his palms hit the bare skin of her waist. Stepping back, he continued the motion until his palms were cupping the swell of both of her ass cheeks. His palms slowly ran over the fabric covered mounds along the curves of her hips, and then down to the tops of her thighs where the skirt came to an abrupt stop just before the hem met the tops of the thigh high hose.

Curling his fingertips up under the hem, Xander abruptly yanked the short stretchy skirt up and over the swell of Cordelia's rounded ass until it was bunched around her waist.

"Eep!" Cordelia jumped slightly, startled. "I feel a sudden draft," she said.

"I'm not surprised," Xander said. "Those definitely aren't regulation BVDs, prisoner."

"Well, you'll just have to put me on report, won't you?" Cordelia said, turning her head slightly to look back over a shoulder at him. "Or arrest me or something, that is."

"There's definitely a lengthy stay in the stockade for you, yup," Xander said, snickering. The snicker died in his throat with a strangled sound as he gazed down on Cordelia's firm, round, bare ass with the narrow strip of silky red lacy fabric disappearing between her butt cheeks until it widened to the point where it was barely covering her mound. "Or a long something somewhere."

"Now sir," Cordelia said, gasping in mock outrage. "This is just a field demonstration! We really shouldn't do anything, uh... inappropriate, sir."

"Oh, believe me," Xander said, still fondling her ass with his gaze. "What I'm thinking right now is _entirely _appropriate."

"Oh. Well, in _that _case, continue sir," she said. "I think there's still some of the finer points I'm not quite, ah, grasping yet." Cordelia wriggled her butt cheeks at him, somehow managing to make the movement seem impudent.

"Well, then."

Lowering himself until he was squatting on his heels behind her, Xander looked up along the expanse of long, tanned, and red nylon encased legs. Reaching out, he gripped Cordelia's boots around the ankles and squeezed before slowly easing his cupped palms up along the length of one leather covered calf and then the other.

"_Normally_, with a prisoner like you, we'd have to do a full strip search," Xander said. "But under the circumstances, that's not really practical for a field pat down."

"Uh- uh huh." Cordelia's voice suddenly went hoarser as Xander ran his hands up along one length of nylon covered leg until his left index finger was pressed up against the outside of the mound of her crotch. He pressed the ball of thumb into the fabric covering her moist opening and she threw back her head, gasping. "Oh!"

She made an inarticulate sound deep in her throat as Xander repeated the process with her other leg, ending with a strangled sounding gasp as his other thumb pressed into her. Her hips bucked against him and a little whimpering sound came out of her mouth as he stroked along the seam of her panty line and very high inner thigh.

"Whu- " Cordelia cleared her throat a couple of times and then broke off as Xander's pressing thumb brought another gasp and hip twitch out of her. "Wha- what... what now, s- sir?"

"Well, like I told you," Xander said, his own voice more than a little hoarse by this point, "Female prisoners are tricky. They have several places where they can hide the damnedest things... "

"You... you mean... ?"

"Yup. Full cavity search, always," Xander said, sliding her panties aside and suddenly slipping his right index and middle finger full length into Cordelia's hot, dripping wet pussy. "_Full_."

"Oh- auuuuggghhh... _ughn!_" Cordelia stiffened up onto her toes, shoving her crotch back onto Xander's hand as her legs began trembling. She jerked spasmodically, letting out several more, "Ughn... _unnnh_... _**ugnh!**_" sounds in a harsh voice as he began rapidly sliding both fingers in and out.

"Keep in mind," Xander said, fascinated by the sight of his girlfriend's hips jerking over his hand while her pussy clenched and released around his fingers, "That that's two cavities."

"Oh... ahhhh... _oh_... I- I- I'll... ughn... try and r-re-remember that!"

"Be sure that you do, soldier," Xander said, now rapidly working his fingers into and out of her from tips to knuckles. "And just as a reminder... "

Raising up on his toes and straightening slightly, Xander gave Cordelia's undulating hips and ass an evil smirk that he was _really _glad she couldn't see –

– And slid the first two fingers of his right hand suddenly and deeply past her sphincter and into her tight asshole. Not too gently, but not too hard either – he didn't want to _hurt_ her, considering that they weren't lubricated with anything except Cordelia...

"Guuu- auuhhh!" Cordelia let out a harsh, gasping scream as she jerked suddenly forward, nearly losing her grip on the lamppost. Xander wasn't quite sure if the shriek was pleasure, surprise, pain, or a mixture of all three, but the trembling in his girlfriend's thighs and the bucking of her hips increased to the point where he wasn't sure how she could remain standing.

"Oh God... oh God... oh God... oh God... _Fuck!_" Cordelia ground out as Xander began working the fingers in her asshole in and out in counterpoint to the ones inside of her vagina. "Fuck! Oh... damn... ughnnn!"

"Well, there doesn't seem to be anything hidden in either of _those _places," Xander said, unable to keep the smirk out of his voice.

Damn, but he was turning into an evil bastard lately.

On the other hand, Cordelia was definitely encouraging his inner hyena to come out. Or maybe his inner jackass. One of the two, or both.

"Guh. I- I, ah... you... ugnh! really... uh... think... " Cordelia gasped out, her hips shoving frantically back against his thrusting fingers. "I think you... ungh! should... ah... oh God fuck it!" she screamed, beginning to shudder all over as she clenched around his hands.

"I'm seriously thinking about it, yeah," Xander said, starting to laugh.

"Bastard," Cordelia managed to hiss out at him even as she began a whole new series of clenching and unclenching around his fingers. "Don't... you... unhhh... stop!"

"Stop?" Xander asked, letting his probing fingers go still.

"No!" Cordelia practically shrieked it loud enough to wake every late rising new vamp in Sunnydale. "Don't. You. _Dare_. Stop. _Mo_. Ron."

"Oh. Well, okay," he said, snickering as he went back to shoving both sets of fingers in and out of her. Not that he'd really been _planning _to, or anything like that, but it was more than just kinda fun having his gorgeously bitchy and stuck up girlfriend demanding him to _not _quit finger fucking her.

For someone who'd once shared vampire Jesse's opinions about not being able to score a date with anyone in the sighted community, this was kind of an experience to savor.

Shoving aside the inner twinge that the memory of his now defunct blood brother always brought, Xander slipped the two fingers inside of Cordelia's spasming and contracting pussy out, immediately replacing them with his ring and little finger. His index and middle went to sliding up along Cordelia's slit between her lower lips until they pressed in – _hard__ – _onto her clit at the end of each stroke. All the while maintaining the long strokes into her asshole with the other pair...

Cordelia lost every single semblance of being verbal somewhere along that point, gasping out harsh, "Aaannnggh," sounds at the end of each in-out stroke broken with little whimpering shrieks as his fingertips pressed in on her clitoris.

"Oh, _God_... " Cordelia finally managed to hiss out, just before she went into yet another full body shudder. "I- I think... I think I'm... I'm gonna... ugnh! I'm gonna... "

Xander shoved the two finger in her ass all the way in up until the knuckles of his hand were pressed into her cheeks and the heel of his other hand, while doing the same with the two inside of her pussy. He pressed in hard on her clit and began working the pads of the fingertips of his index and middle in tight circles around and over her clit.

"God damn fuck, ohhh... " Cordelia went as rigid all over as Xander's throbbing erection, standing up on her toes and arching her back with her head thrown back. Both of her legs began quivering from the feet all the way up to where they joined her crotch, and then her hips shoved her ass and vagina back onto his fingers as if she were trying to impale herself even farther onto them.

With a harsh guttural moan that raised every hair on Xander's head and body, his girlfriend began thrashing and undulating her hips, working herself frantically onto and around his embedded fingers.

After a long couple of minutes of this, she went rigid all over again, shrieked harshly, and then her hips jerked once, twice, and three times as her vaginal muscles and anus clamped down on his fingers like a vice. There was a hot, wet sensation over Xander's hand as suddenly fluid spurted and gushed out of Cordelia's pussy, soaking his fingers and hand nearly to the wrist and spattering on the concrete.

_Damn_.

Xander had heard about... okay, well, he'd _seen _female ejaculation and spurting while watching videos, uh, _borrowed _from his dad's porn collection, but he never thought he'd experience it from an up close and personal perspective.

He _definitely _never thought he'd be _causing _it.

Cordelia let out another of those harsh, guttural sounds, and then another and another, still clenched as all over rigid as if she'd been turned into stone by a Gorgon from one of his old AD&D Monster Manuals.

Finally, she gave one last spurt and groan, and her legs buckled at the knees as her body relaxed and unclenched at last.

'_Crap,_' Xander thought, hastily pulling his fingers out of his girlfriend who had suddenly taken on the consistency of cooked pasta. Just in time, he managed to grab Cordelia around the lower thighs just above the knees and his hands clamped around them before her legs relaxed all the way down to the toes and she dropped like a rock.

Muttering under his breath, he stood hastily, sliding his hands up her thighs until he could slip his arms around Cordelia's waist and hold her up until her knees stabilized.

"I've got you, don't worry," Xander said, bent over her as he held her up.

"Uh ah... gummana... huh," Cordelia said, nodding slowly. Both of her hands were still clenched white knuckled onto the lamppost. "Numma wha?"

"I said, I've got you, Cordy," Xander murmured, "I won't let you fall."

"Uh. Thas... tha goo," she agreed, her head bobbing up and down a bit limply.

"Yeah... goo is about what I think you've turned into," Xander said, starting to snicker. "I'd say glop, but I think that stuff from lunch had more bones in it."

Letting out an outraged sounding half gasp, half squeak, Cordelia's spine stiffened slightly and her head turned a bit as if to glare at him, but apparently that was about all she could manage. Her head went back to drooping down between her extended upper arms as Xander continued to hold her up, her hips making little rolling and shuddering motions against his.

Her hands braced against the lamp post, Cordelia hung panting in the circle of Xander's arms around her waist for several long minutes. Finally, her legs quit quivering and threatening to buckle under her and after another few minutes, she straightened under him, more or less supporting her own weight after a fashion.

"Guh," she said. Slowly, Cordelia raised her head and turned it with what looked like an enormous effort to look dazedly back over her shoulder at him. "The hell? Wha the fuck wassat?"

"Ummm... you came?" Xander ventured.

"No, _really_?" Cordelia's eyes widened a bit and some of her natural sarcasm came flowing back along with vestiges of muscle control. "Gee, what_ever_ gave you _that _idea?"

"Uh, the profanity along with the complete loss of muscle and verbal control after the full body spasm?" Xander said, his grin going lopsided at her dazed expression. "That and the fact that you gushed about a gallon of cum all over my hand and the knees of my black fatigues."

"I what?" Cordelia's eyes opened fully at that, even if they weren't completely focused yet. "I so did not- I did?"

"Yup." Xander nodded solemnly, still holding her around the waist. "You can look for yourself when you can finally stand up."

"Uh. Gimme a minute on that," Cordelia said. "Or maybe two. Or more."

"Sure. I'm comfy."

"I don't think my hands will let go of this post yet," Cordelia said, sighing heavily. Her hips gave one last rolling little buck against Xander's crotch, and her eyes rolled upward briefly.

"We're good."

"Oh God, are we ever," Cordelia said, her voice gone all dreamy sounding. "Wow. I mean... I did? Really?"

"Yup. My lips to your ear," Xander said, nuzzling her sweaty neck. "Tellin' ya: we ever need a career, we can make a fortune in porn."

"No! I want to be an _actress_, not a porn star, dumb ass," Cordelia said, her eyes going wide, and then narrowing at him.

"Too bad," Xander said, snickering. "You're a natural."

"Oh, great. We've gone from hooker jokes to porn starlet insults," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes at him over her shoulder. "Nice to see my status is rising in your eyes."

"Hey," Xander said, deadpan, "Some of my most long term imaginary romances have been with porn starlets."

"You – !" Cordelia gave him an outraged look, and then snickered, shaking her head. "Let me up, lamer. I think I can stand now."

"Sure," Xander said, nodding. Continuing to hold her around the waist, he drew back on her to support her as she let go of the post and straightened slowly. Almost involuntarily, his hands slid upward to cup her breasts as she leaned back against him.

"Mmmm... " Cordelia said, closing her eyes and letting her head fall back against his shoulder. She arched under his hands like a stroked cat. "Okay," she added after a few minutes of fondling, "That was fun, like, _really _fun, but it's not getting us a vamp staked."

"Spoil sport," Xander murmured, reluctantly letting go of her tits and sliding his hands back down to her hips.

Stepping apart, they both turned as one to eye the grave expectantly.

Nothing moved and there was no recently vacated hole in the undisturbed dirt covering it.

"Well, phooey," Cordelia said.

"I agree."

Cordelia tossed her head, flipping sweaty strands of hair back from her face, and put her hands on her hips as she glared at the grave. She was apparently completely oblivious to the fact that her full breasts and swollen, erect nipples were exposed and falling out of her blouse and bra, and her short skirt was still rumpled around her waist over her hips with her panties pushed to one side of her crotch.

She'd managed to lose the faux army cap somewhere... glancing around, Xander saw it lying on the pavement off to one side of the base of the lamppost.

Firmly repressing anything resembling a "you're out of uniform soldier" crack out of sheer self preservation, Xander decided they definitely needed photos of that for recruiting posters.

Enlistments would erupt overnight. Ah... skyrocket. Or something.

They exchanged looks, and shrugged. "Well crap. What next?" Cordelia said, raising her eyebrows at him.

"Uhh... well... " Xander shrugged, and gave her an eyebrow waggle. "We could do something about this painfully enormous hardon I've got going. Just a thought."

"Oh, really?" Cordelia's eyebrows arched higher, and she smirked. "Enormous, huh?"

"I think it got hit with an expando ray or something while my girlfriend was screaming in orgasm," Xander said, returning the smirk in full measure.

Cordelia giggled, and then began snickering. Her gaze slowly wandered from his, down along his face and chest and then lower until it settled on his crotch. Her eyes widened slightly. "My. It did, didn't it? That ah, looks kind of uncomfortable."

"Ummm... yeah, kinda," Xander said, shifting slightly as his rigid dick gave a twitch inside of his pants.

Licking her lips, Cordelia glanced down a bit farther and gasped, one hand coming up to cover her mouth as her eyes widened even farther. "Oh my God. You _weren't_ joking, were you?" Her eyes flickered downward and swept around until her gaze hit the still glistening spatters she'd left on the concrete. "Wow."

"Yeah," Xander said, grinning like an idiot as his head went up and down like a bobblehead doll. "I made my girlfriend squirt all over the cemetery!"

"Ewww!" Cordelia said, glaring at him before she started to snicker. "And you so did. Congratulations. I'll have to give you a gold star for your permanent record or something."

"Pop will be _so _proud," Xander said, starting to laugh.

"If you even _dream _of telling him... " Cordelia broke off laughing at Xander's 'are you insane?' expression, and shook her head. Straightening to something resembling attention – which looked just oh so wrong and oh so _very_ erotic given the current state of her outfit – she licked her lips and added, "I, ah, think I have the hang of prisoner searching now sir. Are there any more procedures we should, ah, boner up on for tonight?"

His eyes nearly bugging out from the effort to stifle laughter at the intentional innuendo, Xander straightened as well, giving her a slow and critical looking over. "Hrrm. Well, it does occur to me that you're probably overdue for a refresher course in the proper cleaning and maintenance of a soldier's gun, Private Cutie."

"Oh?" Cordelia's eyebrows went up again and she licked her lips, slowly. "You mean your, ah, weapon, sir?"

"Naw," Xander said, drawing the stake out from the back of his waistband where it had been digging uncomfortably into one of his upper butt cheeks for awhile now. Holding it up in his left hand, he waggled it while pointing at his crotch with the index finger of his other hand.

"This is my weapon, Private," Xander intoned. "And _this _is my gun."

"Ah. I see," Cordelia said, nodding with a serious expression. "And the difference would be, sir?"

"One is for staking, one is for fun."

Her lips beginning to twitch mightily at the corners, Cordelia began to speak and ended up clearing her throat several times before she could manage it. "Ah. Ahem," she said. "I see. I, ah, seem to remember that you've done at least a little bit of staking with your, ah, gun recently sir."

"Sometimes it gets confusing in the clinch."

"Let's hope that doesn't happen with a vamp, then, sir," Cordelia said, deadpan, "Or one of you will be _really _confused."

Both of them gave up the struggle to maintain straight faces at the same time and burst into peals of laughter.

* * *

><p><em>Next! Once More Into the Breach, Slid the Seven Inches...<em>

_._


	4. Adventures in Weapons Maintenance

**Part IV: Adventures in Weapons Maintenance...**

* * *

><p><em>Immediately following the previous interlude...<em>

As though she were finally noticing how disarrayed her clothing was, not to mention her hair, Cordelia looked down at herself, and made a face followed by a couple of halfhearted looking motions toward possibly straightening things up. She ended up just waving at her ensemble, huffing, throwing up her hands and shooting a half hearted glare at Xander.

"Jeeze, Major Horndog – did you have to practically rip my clothes off while we were at it?"

"Well, it _did _turn into a pretty thorough and realistic search demo, Private Cutie," Xander said, starting to grin.

"Oh boy – did it _ever_," Cordelia said. Her eyes glazed over again momentarily, and then she huffed, blowing a few errant strands of hair away from her eyes.

The huff did wondrous things to her uncased tits, and Xander felt his dick twitch in his pants in time with every bobble and jiggle. "Guh... " he said, as what little blood he had left in his brain rushed southward to support the troops.

"Hrrm?" Cordelia blinked at him, glanced down at herself, and then shrugged, giving him a malevolent looking smirk and a kind of a 'what, these?' impish look as the renewed bobbling rendered him inarticulate again. Reaching up, she casually began undoing the three buttons holding her top together beneath her exposed breasts.

Xander was pretty sure he heard each of those buttons give a heartfelt sigh of relief as the strain was taken off of them. Or maybe that was just him.

Letting the skimpy top fall open and away from her tits, Cordelia then undid the front clasp to the half bra, getting a matched groan of released tension from the straining material.

"So, now what should we do?" Cordelia asked, giving him her best innocent expression as she casually tugged the hem of her skirt down over her hips.

"Guh hummana?" Xander said.

"I said, what's next, sir?" Cordelia said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

"Ahhh... " Xander gave his head a slow shake, more than tempted to smack himself in the temple with the heel of his hand a few times. Lack of blood flow to the brain couldn't be doing him any real good... "Oh! Right. Weapons, ah, gun cleaning drill. Yup."

"You said that, sir," Cordelia said in her very best ditzy phone sexy. "How should we start this?"

"Well... " Xander finally managed to get his brain, blood flow, and speech centers realigned briefly. "The first step is to carefully free the weap- ah, gun from its protective wrapping."

Nodding seriously, Cordelia looked at him expectantly.

After a long, long moment, a look of comprehension finally crossed her lovely features after Xander raised and lowered his eyebrows at her several times, finally ending with glancing down pointedly at his crotch, and then at her hands.

"Oh! Okay, free the gun," Cordelia said, nodding. "Boy, they sure didn't teach us _this _stuff in basic!"

"I'm real sure your drill sergeants were _thinking _real hard about it," Xander said as she sashayed her way over to him and then dropped down onto her heels to squat down with her face directly in front of his zipper.

"You really think so, sir?"

"I'm pretty damned certain of it, yes," Xander said.

"Hrrm," Cordelia said. Sticking the tip of her tongue cutely out of the corner of her mouth, she frowned in mock concentration – or maybe real concentration, hey, that orgasm sure looked like it was pretty mind blowing – and reached up to pull down his zipper. After unzipping him, she worked for a minute at the buckle of his belt and got it open, tugging the tongue out through the clasp and undoing the snap to his fatigue pants.

"Oh, my," she said, after getting the pants undone. Xander, ah, sprang out and to attention in front of her face, bobbing gently in the Sunnydale night breeze. "I see you took 'going commando' literally tonight, sir."

'_I didn't want to have to bury another pair of boxers,_' Xander managed to think, '_With full military honors, yet,_' just before his girlfriend completely derailed his train of thought and his brain all at once...

_Cordelia _took the term 'taking things well in hand' literally herself by doing just that with Xander's bobbing erection. Xander groaned and arched his back, standing, ah, very erect as her fingers closed around his shaft.

His eyes rolled all the way back into his head briefly. Xander wouldn't have been a bit surprised if they both came up the other side with 'Jackpot' symbols and change started spewing out of his mouth...

"Gnnngg!" he managed to groan out, "Careful. It might go off."

"I can see that," Cordelia said as a couple of dribbles of precum spurted out over her fingers. She rubbed the ball of her thumb around, smearing the slippery stuff over the head of Xander's cock and getting another heartfelt groan out of him. "Pretty dangerous thing you've got here, sir."

With a massive effort of will, Xander managed to reach down and pull Cordelia's stroking hand away from his hard dick just as she was licking her lips and parting them slightly before leaning in.

"Huh?"

"You're getting ahead of yourself, Private," Xander said. It came out harshly between pants and gritted teeth. Cordelia would probably never _know _how much effort that cost him... "Before we get to the gun cleaning part of the exercise, we need to get it properly dirty so that you're not just going through the motions down there."

"Oh. I see," Cordelia said, blinking up at him.

With a grip around the wrist of the hand he'd pulled off of his now whimpering erection, Xander drew her gently up onto her feet. Lowering his face toward hers, he tilted his head and captured her lips with his own, kissing her slowly and then with increasing urgency and roughness.

Just about the time that Cordelia's knees were starting to wobble again and she was melting into him, Xander half grinned and half groaned into her lips and pulled back. Her protesting sound turned into a startled yelp as he used the hands he was gripping her by the hips with to spin her around and give her a mostly gentle but urgent push toward the wrought iron and wood slat bench.

"Umm, sir?" Cordelia blinked at him over her shoulder, looking confused, but went along willingly enough with his push and steerage of her. She yelped and jumped when he encouraged her with a sharp smack of the flat of his hand on a still exposed cheek.

That drew major Cordy glareage, but hey – he couldn't have resisted if he'd _wanted_ to. Xander answered the glare with a lopsided grin and an eyebrow waggle, and Cordelia huffed irritably and continued on.

The knees of Xander's pants stuck to his own knees and made squishing sounds as he followed his girlfriend over... he did his very best to not find that hysterically funny and break out laughing. Xander didn't really think Cordelia would see the humor in it that he did. Jeeze. He'd better not wear these anywhere near the school until they'd been steam cleaned. He'd have every guy at Sunnydale High following him around sniffing with their tongues lolling out and their tails wagging. No. Just... _no_.

Bad enough having every _girl_ at SHS doing that after the love spell.

Reaching the bench, Xander guided her with his hands into bending over until she was leaning forward from the waist and gripping the arm of the bench with both hands. Reaching down, he rucked the skirt up over her ass cheeks again until it was bunched up around her waist under her belt.

Kneeling down behind her again – and taking a moment to properly visually appreciate the view of her ass that that position gave him – he took hold of the waistband of her panties. Being careful not to stretch or tear them, he slid them down over her ass and along her legs until they fell to the ground around her ankles.

"Don't mind me," Xander remarked, smirking a bit, "Just appreciating the good looking privates this unit has."

Cordelia made a sound that was half snicker, and half outraged squawk, and then started giggling.

"Oh, so _that's _why they call this rank that, huh?" she said, starting to laugh.

"I'm not sure that's what the brass had in mind, no," Xander admitted, "But it's what comes to _my _mind."

"It does, huh?" Cordelia said. "Gee, I wonder why?"

"Have _no _idea."

Once again pausing to appreciate the view, Xander then stood up behind his extremely hot girlfriend and pushed down on the waistband of his pants until they were down a bit farther and out of the way. Stepping in a bit, he pressed his raging erection into the cleft between her gorgeous ass cheeks.

"Umm... Commander?" Cordelia asked again, raising both eyebrows at him while looking back over her shoulder at him, slightly askance. "May I ask what exactly you have in mind here?"

"Sure, no problem," Xander said, pressing her cheeks together around his cock. Moving his hips slightly, he watched with fascination as the head of his dick slipped down between them until it almost vanished, and then slid back up. "In field use, your gun can get into all sorts of tight situations and get dirtied up."

"Uh... not that I have a real problem with you getting _dirty _on me, Commander," Cordelia said, frowning back at him, "But if it gets dirty where I _think _you're heading, there's no way that _this _soldier is cleaning it. Get me?"

"Check. Get too dirty and I'll have to stroke down my own gun. Got it."

Cordelia giggled at him again, and arched an eyebrow. "So?"

"I'm saving that for later," Xander said, with an eyebrow waggle. "The purpose of this demonstration is to show how one's, ah, gun can get into all sorts of places and get covered with all kinds of disgusting fluids in the field."

"Disgusting, huh?" Cordelia said, scowling again. "So... sex is _disgusting _now?"

"Only if we're doing it right," Xander said, deadpan. An outraged look replaced the frown, and then Cordelia burst out laughing.

"Got me on that one, Commander. But... are you _sure_ this is really appropriate activity for a patrol, sir?" Cordelia asked, still looking back over her shoulder at him with her eyes wide. "I mean... what would the Colonel say?"

"The Colonel can damned well get his own privates to oil _his _gun up for him," Xander growled. Working his hips, he continued sliding his hard prick between Cordelia's cheeks while holding them pressed around himself and –

– Oh, crap. That might not be such a great idea.

Too much more of this and he would go off and paint Cordy's hair, the bench beyond her head, and the slaying bag full of gear with cum. Apparently, several hours of making out without relief combined with having an up close ringside seat to Cordelia's gushing orgasm had gotten Little Nighthawk a little bit excited.

Okay, more than just a little bit.

Hastily, Xander released Cordelia's butt cheeks and pulled his hips away. He could almost imagine he heard Little Nighthawk let out an outraged and frustrated squawk at the sudden absence of smooth warm flesh around it. He could really sympathize...

"Sir?" Cordelia looked back again, curiously.

"Ah... just making sure that my, uh, gun doesn't have an, ah... accidental discharge, Private."

"Wouldn't want _that _to happen, no sir," Cordelia said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

After he finally quit twitching and subsided a bit, to the point where he suspected that he was no longer just about to shoot, Xander reached down and positioned himself right at Cordelia's entrance.

"Ummm... Commander?" Cordelia's eyes widened and she said, "What about the no sex in- unghhh!"

The sudden grunt probably came from Xander moving his hips and abruptly sheathing himself inside of her still wet pussy all the way from tip to base, he suspected...

And oh, _God _that felt good.

Little Nighthawk apparently agreed with him. He almost could swear it gave a contented sigh at suddenly finding itself surrounded by moist, hot, and incredibly tight Cordelia Chase.

"Hrrm? I didn't quite catch that, soldier?" Xander asked, giving her a bland look. Well, as bland as he could manage, under the circumstances. She opened her mouth to say something, and was interrupted by Xander sliding out almost to the tip and shoving forward again.

"Oh, God, unghhh!"

"Oh. That's kinda what I _thought _you said," Xander managed to grunt out. He began slowly stroking in and out of her with long slow thrusts, enjoying every fraction of an inch of it.

"Bastard," Cordelia hissed out, sounding like it was coming from between gritted teeth. "Ugnhh. Oh... uh... oh!"

"So, should... I gather... that we're... uh... doing it right?" Xander said, speaking between thrusts as his brain threatened to melt on him. It wouldn't take much of this before his overly sensitized dick went over the edge – and probably took his brain out with it when it exploded.

"Oh... God... yes. Per... fect... " Cordelia gasped as he hit bottom again inside of her. "But... I... thought... we... ungh! Oh, God, fuck it!"

If he'd been able to manage speech at the moment, Xander would have pointed out that he _was _fucking it. Just as well: he figured the sarcasm might get him killed right about now. Or castrated. Or both.

Instead, he gave himself over completely to what he was doing, namely, stroking in and out of Cordelia's tight self. He was kind of vaguely aware that after a few minutes, she began to gasp and then her hips were jerking and undulating, working herself up and down along him as he shoved into her.

Xander was a bit too wrapped up in the sensations of Cordy's hot pussy sliding along his engorged erection to really notice her own reactions at the moment. Luckily, he was pretty sure that she'd gotten off hard enough just a bit ago that she wouldn't begrudge him if he finished before she did...

Besides, he was pretty sure that if she had another orgasm like that _last _one any time soon, he'd be pouring his twitching and comatose girlfriend into her car and rushing her to the emergency room. And _that _would suck. Not to mention it'd be majorly embarrassing.

Okay, it'd be _massively_ good for his stud points, but that would be balanced out by having to explain to Mr. Chase why his little girl was in the hospital... twitching and moaning. Xander figured he'd be about three sentences into _that_ story, _max_, before he'd be dead so fast his body wouldn't have time to hit the ground first.

"Well, you see, sir, we were doing sexy military role play in the cemetery and she came so hard she had a seizure... "

BANG!

And you just _never_ get past the Pearly Gates when that happens. Saint Peter just takes one look at you and points straight down, via the express chute.

A few minutes later, and Xander wasn't even having _those_ barely formed thoughts and mental images. He began to slide into Cordelia in short hard thrusts, vaguely aware of her making harsh moaning sounds and shoving back against him.

Then, as an unmistakable pressure began building up somewhere deep in his balls, he slammed root deep into her, pulling Cordelia back against himself until her ass cheeks were flattened up against his hips. His cock pulsed, twitched, and then apparently turned inside out on him...

"Oh... ugnhhh... _God_, Cordy... " Xander said, as black spots swirled around the edges of his vision, and then everything went dark around the edges. "_Fuck!_"

Still holding Cordelia around the waist, Xander slowly bent forward until he was almost lying along her back with only her stiffened legs and arms holding them _both_ up. The pressure in his nuts finally released like a dam bursting as he began to pulse what felt like an endless stream of cum into his girlfriend, over and over.

Every time Xander felt like he was _just _about finished, Cordelia would move or her hips would jerk and twitch, sending a new wave of sensation through his glans and causing his overly excited prick to spasm and erupt again.

Finally, after what felt like months and couldn't have been, he gave one last pulse and twitch and finally nothing more happened when Cordelia moaned and wriggled against him. Well...

Nothing, as long as you counted an incredibly pleasurable sensation all along the length of his hardon 'nothing'.

"Oh... damn." Xander shook his head, started to raise it slightly, and then gave it up as being too much effort.

"Wow. And... _I'll _say," Cordelia panted out from under him. "Uhnnn... damn."

"I'd ask if it was good for you too," Xander said, panting heavily, "But I don't think you have enough energy to whop me one properly and I'd hate for you to hurt yourself trying."

"Gee. How thoughtful of you," Cordelia said, also panting with her head down. "Get _off_ of me, dork."

"And gee, the romance is gone already," Xander said, sighing. With a massive effort, he managed to get his eyes to uncross. Kind of.

"We just had wild screaming sex in a _graveyard_. How much romance could there be here?" Cordelia asked, ever practical.

"Ah. Right." Xander nodded, or at least bobbed his head a couple of times. He straightened up off of where he was leaning across Cordelia's back with his arms wrapped around her waist, or at least attempted to. "Uh... I'm not sure I can."

"Amazing, considering that you just did," Cordelia said, slowly turning her head to look back at him.

"No. Get off of you, I mean. I don't think I can move yet."

"Oh." Cordelia's eyebrows lifted at him, and then she shook her head. "Well, _I'm _not sure I can hold _both _of us up in this position, Geek Boy. So unless you want to have a _really _embarrassing pileup on the concrete here and me hurting myself... "

"No, no, let's not have that... "

"Good."

Twisting at the waist, she kind of half straightened and shoved at him with one elbow – a process that ended up with a wide eyed Xander half standing before rolling off of her back and landing on his side on the sidewalk with his pants around his knees.

"Ow." Rolling over onto his back and breathing heavily, Xander rubbed his elbow with his other hand and glared up at her. "Double ow."

"Sorry. Are you all right?" Cordelia said, her eyes widening. "I didn't mean to, uh... "

"I'm fine," Xander said. "Only my ego is bruised. And my ass."

"You'll survive."

"Nice to know that _you _won't fall over, at least," Xander said, still half glaring at her.

"Women and children first," Cordelia said sweetly.

"That's only in lifeboats," he told her, starting to smirk. "Hey, you know that I can see up your skirt from down here?"

Both eyebrows hitting her hairline, Cordelia looked down and gasped, then flushed slightly. "You mean the one I'm wearing bunched up around my _waist_?" Sighing, she reached down and yanked her skirt down more or less over her hips.

"That would be the one, yeah," Xander grinned up at her and started laughing.

"Oh, shut up." Shaking her head, Cordelia glared down at him briefly, and then started laughing, herself. "Come on, dumb ass," she said, bending over and reaching down a hand. "Get off the sidewalk, you look like an idiot down there."

"Gee, thanks. That would explain why I feel like one," Xander said, grumbling. Taking the offered hand, he let her help him up to his feet.

It was a bit of an effort. Cordelia finally had to grab his wrist with both hands and bend over at the waist and pull before he managed to wobble up and stay there. Then she had to grab him around the waist and support him with an arm over her shoulders until his legs quit being cooked noodles and black spots stopped dancing in the edges of his vision.

"Boy, we definitely don't have to ask if it was good for you, huh?" Cordelia said, giving him a critical looking once over.

"Oh, God no."

"I must always remember to only use these powers for the Purest Good," she said, smirking at him.

"Hell, use 'em for the blackest and darkest of Pure Evil if you want to," Xander said, panting heavily, "As long as I'm along for the ride."

"I'll try to remember that," Cordelia said, starting to snicker. After a moment, Xander joined in and then they were both leaning on each other having hysterics.

Once he was finally standing on his own – and no longer going into hiccuping giggle fits – he pulled his pants up and fastened the waist snap while Cordelia bent over again and pulled up her underwear, settling it on over her hips under the skirt. Not a major problem at this point: apparently Little Nighthawk had gone comatose and deflated for the moment. Not even the perspective of looking up Cordelia's long, tanned legs and at the underside of her tits from below had gotten more than a lazy twitch.

After they'd both more or less straightened out and refastened their clothing, after a fashion, they both retired to their bench with kind of a mutual and unspoken agreement. Cordelia sat down next to him with one leg folded over the other, half facing him, and began idly coming out her sweaty hair with her fingers.

"Wow. You look fantastic. And hot," Xander said, starting to smile at her. Reaching out a hand, he began brushing sweat stuck strands of hair away from her cheek and eyes with his fingertips.

"Once again, a sweaty and disheveled mess," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. But she was smiling when she said it, so that was okay.

"I kind of like that look on you."

"What, rumpled and fresh fucked?" Cordelia arched her eyebrows at him.

"That one too," Xander said. Their eyes met, and then they both dissolved into laughter.

"Well, considering how often you're seeing it these days," Cordelia said, finally winding down, "It's a good thing, huh?"

"Me guy," Xander said, gently pounding his chest with the fist of the arm that wasn't stretched along the back of the bench behind her shoulders. "Me like look of my woman after asserting guyhood."

Her eyes widening incredulously, Cordelia gave him a 'I can't _believe _you just _said _that' look and then burst into laughter again.

Finally, after she wound down into mere helpless snickering, she looked at him while shaking her head and said, "God, you are so _very _lame."

"Yeah, but you like me that way," Xander said, giving her his best earnest puppy dog look.

Cordelia stared at him, and then broke out snickering again. "God help me, I so really do, for some unfathomable reason." After a long minute, she looked at him curiously, raising an eyebrow. "What?"

Xander stared back at her, his mouth open. "You said 'unfathomable'. I heard you."

"Yeah?" Cordelia's other eyebrows joined the first one. "And what's so wrong with _that_?"

"It has more than three syllables," Xander explained. "And it's not even _remotely _related to shopping, clothes, fashion, or money."

Shaking her head, Cordelia whopped him solidly on the chest. "Jerk. I _do _know a few big words, Mister Skeptical."

"Giles would be amazed," Xander said, grinning at her.

"We'll have to tell him," Cordelia said, giving him an impish look. "Along with describing our amazing technique for increasing my word power."

"_You _just want to watch him harrumph and start polishing his glasses back into sand," Xander accused her, fighting a grin.

"Well, yeah, of course," she said, and they both broke out laughing again.

"It's mutual," Xander blurted out, looking at her seriously. Cordelia arched her eyebrows inquiringly, and he elaborated. "I really like you too. A _lot_."

_That _got him the full wattage Cordelia Chase Pepsodent commercial smile, accept no substitutes, this offer not available in any stores that mere Xanders can afford.

"Cool," she said, nodding. Holding up a hand, she added, "And don't get _too_ mushy on me, dweeb. A cemetery really isn't the place for undying declarations of true love."

"Heh. It could be," Xander said, "Under the right circumstances. Or the really wrong ones."

On cue, they both looked over at the grave of Dearly Departed Andrew the Equipment Boy.

Which was still undisturbed. Pristine.

"Ratz," Xander said. "How long _is _he planning to sleep in tonight, anyway?"

"That does it. I'm digging him up," Cordelia said, glowering at the grave. "Get the shovel from the car, would you, dear?"

"Sure," Xander said. "Uh... do you _have_ a shovel in the car?"

"No. Dammit. Phooey."

* * *

><p><em>Later...<em>

"Hrrm," Cordelia said, licking her lips. Looking up at him, she frowned prettily and gave him her best vapid and gullible look. "Are you _certain _that this is the proper method that's recommended for gun cleaning, sir?"

Xander looked down to where his girlfriend was currently kneeling in front of him, between his spread apart knees with her face above his once again raging hardon. It hadn't taken more than around forty minutes of increasingly hot and urgent groping and kissing session for Little Nighthawk to wake up and decide he wanted to rejoin the festivities.

Probably starting out with him blinking his one little eye dazedly and going, 'Whut? Whut the fuck hit me?'

"Oh yeah," Xander said, fervently. "One hundred _percent _certain, Private Cutie."

Giving the waistband of his black pants one last tug, Cordelia left them bunched down below his knees and leaned forward, eying his bobbing erection a bit dubiously. "I don't remember seeing anything like this in the manuals, sir."

"It's, ah, we're now delving into aspects of soldiering that aren't contained in the manual, Private," Xander said, improvising desperately.

Giving the stake in his hand a slightly uncomprehending look, he absently handed it to Cordelia. Who took it from him just as absently, and then looked at it and gave him a 'what the fuck should I do with _this_?' look.

At Xander's half shrug, she shrugged as well – doing wonderful things to the cleavage showing above her half bra and open shirt – and stuck it down into his right cargo pocket.

"Oh. So this is one of the things they don't really teach us about in boot camp, right?"

"Right. You got it, Private," Xander said, nodding.

_Mostly _because Xander was pretty certain that drill instructors _hated _being brought up on charges for sexual harassment and abuse of authority, but he wasn't about to go into all that. No point in ruining a perfectly good porn fantasy with facts...

"Hrrmm." Shrugging again, prettily, Cordelia leaned forward and slowly and sensuously ran the tip of her tongue along the length of Xander's hard dick from base to head. When she reached the little slit in the end, she jerked back, her eyes going wide.

"Sir! It... _twitched _at me!"

"Ah... that was just to let you know that it's properly primed for cleaning now, Private," Xander said, ad libbing furiously.

"Riiiiggghhhttt... " Cordelia said, giving him a skeptical look. Her lips twitched several times at the corners, giving Xander the impression she was having just a _little _bit of a hard time keeping a straight face here.

"Well, we _did _do a pretty good job of getting it properly gunked up for this demonstration," Xander said.

Cordelia's expression at that was pure outrage.

"Gunked up, huh. Is that the technical term for that, sir?"

"Yup. Sure is."

Rolling her eyes, Cordelia gave him one last exasperated look before turning back to the project at hand. Grasping him at the base, she angled his erection toward her lips, and leaned back in again.

"Oh." Pausing, Cordelia glanced up and frowned slightly. "Do make sure and keep a close watch, sir. I'd hate for the enemy to sneak up on us here."

"Don't worry," Xander said, "I have my eyes peeled for anything along those lines. Carry on."

"Oh, I will, believe me," Cordelia said.

Just for good measure, Xander wrenched his attention off of his impending blow job and threw a hasty glance toward the grave they were supposedly watching. Yup. Still undisturbed.

Oh well. As long as the late Andrew stayed down for the next while. Xander was not just going to _kill_ the vamp if he decided to pop up now and disrupt the blowjob he was about to receive, he was going to make it _painful_.

Probably by bludgeoning him to death with an inflamed hardon.

Opening her mouth slightly, she leaned the rest of the way in until the head of Xander's cock slid between her lips with excruciating slowness. He leaned back on the bench, groaning as Cordelia's hot mouth slid down along the first couple of inches below his glans, and then her tongue began swirling gently along the underside.

She raised her head abruptly, the head of Xander's dick slipping out from between her lips with an almost audible pop.

"Guh!" he said, his eyes jerking down toward her and going wide.

"Hrrm. Wow. That's a really odd taste," Cordelia said, frowning. She licked her lips slowly. "Dried Xander cum and dried Cordelia... "

"Uhhh... " Xander said, blinking at her.

"So _that's _what I taste like," she said, looking contemplatively at his hardon.

"You, ah, wondered?"

"No. But now I know, anyway," Cordelia said, grinning up at him.

"You're planning to tease me to death, aren't you," Xander accused her.

"Not so as you'd notice, sir," Cordelia said, giving him her best cat with canary whiskers smile. "But at least we know you're in no danger of erectile dysfunction."

"No, but I may die of permanent blood loss to the brain," Xander said, rolling his eyes.

"Poor baby."

"You know, somewhere around here," Xander said, eying her with a mixture of intense frustration and anticipation, "There's a hot private who's looking to get demerits in her service jacket."

"Really?" Cordelia's eyes widened comically and she glanced around before looking up at him with a wondering expression. "Where?"

"She seems to be kneeling down in front of my dick at the moment," Xander told her, "About to fail a gun cleaning exercise."

Cordelia's eyes widened even farther and her eyebrows went up. "Egads!"

"Egads?"

"Gadzooks?"

Boggling at her, Xander's lips started twitching at the corners and then he snickered. Rolling his eyes, he let his head fall back and gazed imploringly up at the heavens. "I give up."

Nodding, Cordelia gave him an impish look and said, "They say that surrender is the first step to victory, sir."

A startled laugh huffed out of Xander and he stared at her. "They so do not!"

"Oh." Cordelia eyed his hard on skeptically. "Then it must be 'Fortune favors the bald'. Or is that Star Trek? I forget."

"_You _made a Star Trek joke?" Xander boggled at her. "You?"

"Sorry, sir." Cordelia gave it a long beat, and then said, "I don't know _what _could have gotten into me, sir."

Spluttering, Xander shook his head and started laughing again. "I have a pretty good idea, Private," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"So," Cordelia angled his cock back down toward her lips again while asking, "How do you clean your, ah, gun when there's no good looking privates around to do it for you?"

Not waiting for an answer, she leaned forward and slid her lips over his head again, taking him all the way down to the root in one quick smooth motion.

"Unggghhh!" Xander arched back up off of the bench, accidentally thrusting his hips at her face and forcing himself deeper in until he felt the head of his cock come to rest against the back of Cordelia's tight throat. Panting, Xander paused until his eyes stopped bugging out, and then said, deadpan but in a hoarse and slightly ragged voice, "Oh, that's easy – I do it the old fashioned way."

Cordelia nodded, the motion causing her head and closed lips to bob up and down an inch or so on his erection. The sensation was indescribable and it derailed Xander's speech centers again momentarily.

When they came back online, he added, "I use a thawed chicken."

Cordelia let out a strangled squawk, kind of like that imaginary chicken's last words – a thing that imparted another indescribable sensation to Xander's dick – and jerked back so fast she left poor Little Nighthawk blinking his one tiny eye in confusion.

"You _what?_"

"Just kidding."

"Oooohhh... you... " Xander grinned at Cordelia's glare and outraged expression, and she shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You are one sick puppy, Xander."

"Nah, perverted," he said, going deadpan again. "_Sick _is when you use a live one."

"Oh, God... " Cordelia gave it up and collapsed forward laughing with her head in his lap. Long minutes later when her shoulders stopped heaving, she raised her head again, causing her still sex and sweat tousled hair to drag silkily across his erection. "I swear to God, Xander, you are... "

Apparently unable to find a term that was descriptive enough, she shook her head and then leaned down and took him in her mouth again.

Grinning, Xander found his hands clenching on the front edge of the bench as Cordelia's hot, tight mouth and lips slid slowly along the length of his shaft. Pausing for a long moment there with his full length pressing along her tongue and the head wedged into the tightness at the back of her mouth, she took a deep breath in through her nose. Then she slid her face down until her nose was buried in his pubic hair and he was seated all the way in with the tip lodged firmly at the back of her throat, and swallowed hard...

The feeling of Cordelia's slippery tongue working against the underside and her throat constricting and clenching around the glans nearly sent Xander arching off of the bench and into low earth orbit.

"Glllnnahh!"

Looking up at him with her lips wrapped tightly around the base of his cock, Cordelia slowly closed her left eye in a deliberate and evil looking wink... and did it again.

This time Xander's ass left the seat of the bench completely as his hips bucked upward and a strangled sound wrenched its way out of his throat. Black spots danced around the edge of his vision and his hands clenched so hard on the front edge of the bench that he was amazed that it didn't come loose between his fingers.

Xander was vaguely aware of Cordelia making gagging sounds as the head of his cock lodged impossibly deeper into her tight throat. He groaned from the sheer ecstasy of the tight hot feeling around the head. Then he groaned again as she pulled back a few inches, coughing around his shaft.

"Ohhh... uggh... guh."

Finally, his legs unclenched and his butt slowly sank back down onto the seat, his vision starting to clear.

With one final cough, Cordelia closed her lips back around him, and slowly slipped her mouth back down to the root – not as far this time. She didn't _quite _send Xander into orbit again...

With excruciating slowness, Cordelia slid her lips and tongue along the length of his shaft as she pulled her head back from the base to the head. Pausing for a moment, she eased her head back down, and then up again, slipping her mouth slowly, and then more rapidly up and down over just the first few inches of his hard dick.

"Uhhh... "

Xander's eyes squeezed tightly shut as he felt pressure start to build up deep within his balls. He groaned again, somehow managing to resist the nearly overwhelming compulsion to grab the back of his girlfriend's head and yank it down to the root again.

Cordelia's hot tongue worked slowly and sensuously at the sensitive skin along the underside near the head. After a few more minutes of this, Xander felt his nuts clench again, and, just as his cock jerked in her mouth and he thought he was about to shoot –

– She pulled her head back completely and let him slip out from between her lips.

"Glahh!"

Xander's eyes opened, wide wild and startled, at the abrupt cessation of sensation along his glans. After a long moment, they managed to refocus somewhat and fastened on his girlfriend's face as his hardon bobbed and twitched in the night air in front of her.

"Hrmm," Cordelia said, eying his erection a bit dubiously. "Do you think I'm doing this properly, sir?"

"Uh... huhm a uh nuh?" Xander managed to blurt out, frantically attempting to focus on... well, _anything_, really.

Anything _other _than passing out from a near orgasm experience, that is...

Breathing heavily, Xander finally managed to evolve back to something resembling reasoning being status about the time that his nuts unclenched and dropped back down from his abdominal cavity. More or less.

"Uhhhh... ohh... _God_, yes," he said, or pretty much gasped. "Jussstttt right."

"Really?" Cordelia's eyes widened slightly as she gave him a maliciously innocent look over the bobbing head of his cock. "I wouldn't want to fail this part of the course, sir. Or, uh, leave you with a dirty gun or anything."

"Y-yu-you- you're trying to kill me, aren't you," Xander said, accusingly. He attempted a glare down at her, and was pretty sure he _just _managed a wild eyed boggle instead.

"Oh, no sir!" Cordelia said, her eyes widening further. "I wouldn't dream of it, sir!"

"Uh huh. Trying to kill me," Xander babbled. "This is revenge for that gushing thing earlier. Or for me making us both almost pass out."

"Me?!" Cordelia shook her head, her eyes still wide. The innocent effect was completely ruined by the decidedly malevolent giggle that burst out of her.

"You."

"Oh no," Cordelia said, giggling again. She was obviously having a hard time keeping a straight face here... "I just want to make absolutely sure your gun is properly cleaned."

"Oh, God. Me too," Xander said, reaching out with one hand to pull her head onto his cock again.

Cordelia yanked her head away from his grasp, shooting him a wounded looking glare. He yanked his hand back hastily.

Giving him a satisfied looking nod, Cordelia took hold of him with just her index finger and thumb circling the very base of his prick, and pulled him down slightly toward her mouth. Leaning forward slightly, she parted her lips and slowly ran her tongue along the first few inches of his shaft, circling the head at the upstroke.

Pulling away again, she batted her eyelashes and said, "Is there anything _special _I should be doing to make certain it's done right?"

"Oh dear sweet mamalooshin," Xanders aid, his head falling backwards. "_Hell _no – just go back to what you were doing before. Please... "

"Are you sure?"

She slid her tongue over the head again, eliciting another heartfelt groan from Xander.

"Oh yes.. please Cordy... finish me off," Xander managed to grunt out. Okay, more like _whine_ out, but still...

_Probably _not the very best choice of words, considering who he was dealing with here...

"Hrrm. Oh – you _are _keeping watch for the enemy, aren't you sir?" Cordelia said, stopping just with her parted lips almost touching the head of his dick. It twitched, trying to strain upward to meet them.

Huh? Enemy?

Xander's eyes opened wide and he looked wildly around the area. What? Oh. Oh! _That _enemy.

Pshew. Nope. Grave undisturbed. No vamps in sight. No spectators, either. Or film crews.

"Uh huh. You bet," Xander said, hastily. "No enemy in sight, Private."

"Good," Cordelia said, nodding. Her slightly parted lips just brushed the tip of his cock with every bob of her head, getting and answering – and nearly painful twitch. "I _wouldn't _want to have anything sneak up on us while I'm... cleaning."

"Right. Because that would be of the bad. As in, not of the good. Because," Xander babbled, knowing he was babbling, and not giving a damn. "Sneaking, bad, no sneaking nee- guh!"

The sudden 'guh' came from Cordelia opening her mouth and dropping her head down and forward, taking him in all at one stroke, down to where her closing lips met her circling finger and thumb.

Xander felt the sensitive head of his cock hit the tightness at the back of Cordelia's mouth and throat, and his eyes rolled all the way back up into his head again.

"Hrmmm... " Cordelia said with her mouth closed around his shaft.

"Oh, sweet Pan and all of his mothering fauns," Xander choked out. His balls jerked up, but didn't quite clench and go off. Not just yet. That _hrmmm _sent vibrations though every single inch of him, radiating outward from his completely rigid cock.

One more of those and he'd be the first teenager on the moon without a spaceship.

Cordelia began working her hot, wet mouth in long spiraling motions out to the very tip of his erection, and back down again until the tip was buried in the tightness of her throat. On every down stroke, she'd swallow, constricting the head as her throat worked, ending it with another "Hrrmmm."

Xander figured it was maybe about three minutes of this – three minutes that felt like around three days – before his balls clenched up and his entire dick went even _more _rigid inside of her mouth. She drew her mouth back to the tip again, bobbing up and down for a long moment in a tight spiral around the glans, and he groaned.

A deep, nearly agonizing pulse started to build way, way down deep inside of his nuts.

"Oh, God... I think I'm gonna... oh _God!_"

Cordelia's mouth slid quickly all the way down again until her lips were against her circling fingers and the tip of his shaft was just inside of the tightness of her constricting throat. Xander felt himself jerk, once, twice, and again, and then a hot rush begin to build inside of his balls.

He felt the oddest sensation as Cordelia's lips spread in a grin around where they were wrapped around his hardon, and then an even odder one as the tip of an elegantly manicured fingernail slid into his asshole –

– Followed by the full length of the finger behind it, all the way up to the back knuckle.

They probably heard _that_ hoarse male scream all the way to Santa Barbara, he figured later.

Xander's vision went black around the edges as the first thick gush of hot cum scorched its way up along the inside of his shaft. He was vaguely aware of Cordelia making choking sounds and gagging noises as a rope of nearly jet propelled jism hit the back of her throat, followed by another.

Only vaguely – his vision went _completely _black as that gush was followed by another. And another after that.

* * *

><p>"Oh dear God and all the saints," Xander said, some time later.<p>

_Finally_ relaxing from a full body clench, he sighed heavily and opened his eyes to find his girlfriend sitting next to him, one leg curled up under her and half facing him. Cordelia was combing her hair out with her fingers and looking at him with a definite 'cat that swallowed the canary' expression.

Or maybe the cream, considering...

Her eyes widened comically as she saw his come open and fasten onto hers, and in her very best ditzy brunette voice she said, "It went off, sir!"

Xander couldn't help it.

He didn't stop laughing for a full fifteen minutes until he found himself rolling on the sidewalk under the bench with his arms wrapped around his aching stomach and his pants around his ankles.

* * *

><p><em>Plunge deeper into the story with us – Next Chapter!<em>

_._


	5. Adventures in Vamp Sitting

**Part V: Adventures in Vamp Sitting...**

* * *

><p><em>Some time later...<em>

"This guy is _really _starting to grate my cheese," Xander said, giving the still undisturbed grave his very best practiced in front of the mirror evil glare.

The glare and the note of menace in his voice was ruined by his girlfriend giving him her very best 'Oh God you are _such _a dweeboid' stare while mouthing, 'Grate your cheese?' back at him.

"Grate your _cheese_?" Cordelia said aloud after a long minute, her voice incredulous.

Rolling his eyes, Xander shrugged, spreading his hands. "Fine. I've used up all of the _other _foul oaths I could come up with already. Let's see you try."

Cordelia sighed, shooting her own malevolent glare at the still unmoving dirt. Xander tried not to be depressed by the fact that his girl had a better evil stare than he did. Cordelia _did _have a lot more practice at being evil, after all.

Uh... better not _ever _say that out loud, Harris. Not if you want to get laid again in this lifetime.

"Fine," Cordelia said, huffing. "You have a point."

"Yeah," Xander said, standing up. "Unfortunately."

After a quick check to make sure that his pants were pulled up and his belt buckled – something _that _didn't pass without drawing a Cordelia snicker – he checked the stake in his cargo pocket and wandered across the little street to the grave site. Scowling down at the poor, late Waldrip's last resting site, damn his black soul to Hell, Xander kicked viciously at the dirt on top of it.

Sticking his hands in his pockets, he turned back to Cordelia and said, "Are you sure you don't have a shovel in your car?"

"Yeah. Positive," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "Darn it."

"Next time, we carry one," Xander said.

"Oh, you bet," Cordelia said, nodding emphatically. "No more grave sitting without some way to dig the asshole up and stake him."

Snorting, Xander narrowed his eyes across at her and said, "Somehow, I think I'll get to do all the digging."

"Well, duh!"

"Figures."

Giggling, Cordelia tossed her hair at him, giving him her best and widest million dollar smile. "Poor baby. I'll have to come up with _some _way to reward you for all your hard, sweaty work."

Grinning back at her, Xander strolled slowly back over to their bench. "I'm sure you can figure something out," he said. Stopping in front of her, he blinked down, and added, "Uh, where in the heck did you come up with that... "

Arching an eyebrow, Cordelia held up her index finger, wiggled it, and gave him an inquiring look.

"Uh, yeah. That," Xander said, nodding vigorously.

"Cosmo."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously," Cordelia said, snickering at his incredulous expression. "Ten ways to an incredible sexual experience."

"Wow," Xander said. "Who would have thought that fashion would have practical applications?"

"And _you _thought I just read them for the clothing trends," Cordelia said, laughing.

"Gonna have to remember to send those guys a truckload of flowers," Xander said, starting to laugh along with her. "Wow."

Still grinning at her, he turned and flopped down onto the bench next to his girl, sprawling backwards. Cordelia curled into his arm as he sighed and said, "In spite of it bringing out my obviously hidden gay genes."

"Oh, jeeze, dork head," Cordelia said, sitting up and giving him another incredulous look. "You are _not _gay."

"Well, ah... " Xander trailed off under her glare, shrugging uncomfortably.

"Uh... doh!" Shaking her head, Cordelia thumped him solidly upside the back of his head. "Seriously, dork. With my mouth wrapped around you and you coming unglued, were you thinking about a _guy _right then?"

"Uh... thinking?" Xander gave her an incredulous look of his own. "My _brain _was too busy melting for any thinking to be going on."

"Right. See?"

"But... ?"

"Oh for... " with an exasperated huff, Cordelia dope slapped him again, ignoring completely his huff and outraged expression. "Does it make _me _gay when I enjoy anal sex with you?"

"Well, uh... no?" Xander said, blinking at her.

"There you go. Dumb ass."

"Ah. Okay." Xander nodded, stretching his feet out in front of him and going back to glaring at the grave.

"Bisexual, maybe."

"Hey!" Xander's head whipped around to catch Cordelia's malicious looking smirk. "You, are evil, woman."

"Duh."

Reaching his left hand forward to grasp her shoulder, Xander pulled her back against the bench and leaned in toward her. "We have ways of curing that, you know."

"Oh?" Cordelia's eyebrows went up and she said, "What exactly did you have in mind?"

Capturing her lips with his own, Xander slipped his tongue between them, kissing her slowly and deeply until she moaned harshly into his mouth and melted.

"That?" He said, pulling back slightly.

"Huh." Cordelia's eyes were half lidded and she blinked at him, breathing hard. "That's probably going to make me even more evil."

"I had hopes," Xander said.

With the palm of the hand not curled into her hair, Xander cupped Cordelia's knee and pushed her left leg over gently, slowly spreading her knees and thighs apart. She slid forward and down on the seat as he captured her lips again. Cordelia moaned again as his fingers slipped under the short skirt and began caressing her through her panties.

Cordelia gasped as his fingertips pressed into her through the soft fabric, and moaned even harsher into his lips. Xander found the edge of the panties and gently moved them aside, beginning to run his index and middle finger along Cordelia's wet slit slowly and gently. Her tongue began to work even more frantically against his.

After several minutes, he found a rhythm again and began ending each upward slide with his fingertips pressed into her clit.

"Oh... unggh!" Cordelia's back arched and her hips rose up off of the seat as she ground herself into his fingers. "Uh uh uh!"

"You know," Xander said, pulling away so that he could look into her flushed and open mouthed expression as she came, "It's getting easier and easier to work you up and off."

"Uh huh," Cordelia said, her hips twitching. "I a- a- uh- approve. Keep working... uhhh... "

Grinning down at her, Xander pressed harder into her clit and began working his fingertips in a circular motion, faster and faster.

"Ahhh... oh! Oh! Auuuhhhh oh! Ugnh!"

Cordelia's ass thudded into the bench seat and then lifted again as her entire body arched and stiffened. "Aaauuuuggghhh! Ooohhh nggh!"

He circled faster, and she ground herself against his fingers one last time, then her hips jerked harshly several times and she collapsed against the seat, breathing hard and making little mewling sounds.

"Oh... God... " Cordelia opened her eyes slowly, still breathing hard and looking a bit glazed.

"I don't think I'm ever gonna get tired of doing that to you," Xander said, easing off to just stroke along her gently.

"Oh... good," Cordelia said, nodding vigorously. "Guh."

"Yeah."

Shaking her head slowly, Cordelia slid back onto the seat and sat up a bit, looking over. "God damn. Are we _sure _he was vamped?"

Looking that way as well, Xander shrugged – the motion drawing a gasp and a hip twitch from Cordelia as it caused his fingers to move against her.

"No... I don't suppose we're _certain_, no," Xander said, frowning. "But Giles usually isn't wrong about stuff like that."

"Yeah. Jeeze," Cordelia said and huffed, "We're going to enact the entire kami suture or whatever before long, while we're waiting for him to pop up."

"The uh huh?"

"Y'know, the sex book," Cordelia said, frowning at him.

"I thought that was Cosmo?" Xander said, smirking. She huffed and swatted at him half heartedly.

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah," Xander said, snickering. "Poor Andrew. He's missing the floor show."

"He so is," Cordelia said, laughing as well. "Good thing, too."

"Yup. Really don't need an audience," Xander agreed.

"So. Is, ah, Little Nighthawk awake again yet?" Cordelia asked, licking her lips.

Xander blinked at her, and then shrugged again, smiling when she gasped and twitched. "Uh... I felt vague stirrings a minute ago when you were coming unglued."

"Oh? Vague?" Cordelia's eyebrows arched, and she ran her tongue her lips slowly. Xander felt the stirring become a bit less vague...

"Vague," Xander said, nodding slowly. "Rolling over in its grave and giving death rattles vague."

Glancing around them, Cordelia burst out laughing. "Really appropriate mental imagery, lamer."

"I thought so," Xander said, snickering.

"Well... " Cordelia licked her lips again. "We'll just have to see if we can't resurrect him."

"You could try the breath of life?" Xander suggested, waggling his eyebrows.

"We already did that," Cordelia said, the corners of her lips curling upwards. "Let's try, uh, giving him a hand."

Sliding back fully, she pulled away from Xander's fingers and sat up. Bringing her legs back together, Cordelia turned toward him and reached down to his crotch. Fumbling for a few seconds, she found his zipper and pulled it down with a whisper of metal on metal and fabric. Then her fingers slipped inside the opening of his pants and groped around for a bit.

The stirrings became definitely less vague as Xander felt Cordelia's fingers close around his mostly limp cock. It twitched in her hand, starting to wake up a bit.

"Hrrmm," Cordelia said, sliding her fingertips gently along the length of him. "I really hope that cleaning session didn't do him in."

"I think it was the test firing at the end," Xander said, shifting slightly to allow her hand better access.

"That was certainly an, uh, energetic discharge, sir," Cordelia said, smirking.

Taking advantage of the access, she circled him with her fingers, and began slipping her cupped hand slowly along the length of his mostly flaccid erection. After a few minutes, there were definite signs that Little Nighthawk was beginning to wake up and, uh, smell the pussy, so to speak.

Xander groaned and squirmed a bit as he went from 'mostly flaccid' to about a quarter mast, and then a third under Cordelia's stroking fingers. She smiled and gripped him with her thumb, fore, and middle finger curled around the head and first half inch or so, and the ring and little finger curled around her them and began making short gentle strokes over the tip.

"So, what's next... up... for our training exercise, sir?" Cordelia asked, flipping her hair back and grinning at him.

"Oh, let's see... " Xander trailed off, and then frowned slightly, trying to concentrate. Which was not easy at the moment. "What, uh, happened to the we are so _not _having sex in a cemetery resolve?"

Cordelia stared at him and then burst out laughing, her hand accidentally jerking harder along his shaft than she probably planned on. "Boy, we've already blown _that _resolution out of the water, haven't we?"

"Heh. Emphasis on 'blown', I think," Xander said, laughing along with her.

"Oooh... it lives," Cordelia said, looking down at where her right hand disappeared inside his pants.

"By jove, I think you're right!"

"By jove?" Cordelia raised her eyebrows, and then shook her head sadly. "You either hang around with Giles _way _too much, or you watch too many old movies."

"Sigh. You're probably right," Xander said. He shook his head, and then grinned, flipping his bangs away from his eyes. "Well, Private, there's always gun storage techniques to, ah, bone up on."

Cordelia's eyes widened, and then she snorted. "Oh, right. By all means, let's boner up on those."

Snickering, Xander said, "Keep doing _that _for a little while longer, and we just might."

"Oh, goody," she said, waggling her own eyebrows. "I seem to remember that after the first two, Little Nighthawk is up for a long time. Which is really, really good for me."

"Me me me, that's all you women ever think about," Xander said, rolling his eyes.

"It's all _about _me, dork."

"Ah... " Xander's eyes closed for a moment as Cordelia's fingers slid over the head again and he felt himself respond. "For once, you are not wrong."

"Of course I'm not. It just happens to have benefits for you."

"Oh, God, does it ever."

* * *

><p>"So," Cordelia said. Bringing her feet together, she snapped into her best imitation of standing at attention in front of him. Which, Xander had to admit, really wasn't all that bad... "Proper gun storage procedures, sir? You were saying something about a refresher course?"<p>

"Uh huh... " Xander said, his gaze slowly roaming up and down over her body. Wow. That outfit just kept improving the more rumpled, undone, and disheveled it got.

"Sir?"

"Huh?" Startled, Xander snapped his gaze back up to Cordelia's face to find her smirking at him. "Oh? Oh! Right. Proper, uh, gun storage. Yeah."

"Yes sir." Cordelia straightened and looked at him alertly.

And, damn. His girlfriend was really getting into this whole role playing thing. Wow. Not that Xander was complaining, by any means. Hell, _he'd _been into it from the first moment he entered her pool house to find her bent over wearing a pair of tight leather pants and rummaging for a stake.

But, he thought with a grin fighting to break out onto his lips and ruin his stern expression, it just kept on getting better and better.

And hotter and hotter – as hard as that was for him to believe.

"Are you sure they didn't cover this in basic, Private?"

"No sir," Cordelia said, shaking her head slowly. "My Drill Instructor kept saying something about it being an inappropriate position."

"Ah." Xander nodded. "No doubt he wanted to leave it for Advanced _Personal _Instruction."

"I don't _think _so, sir," Cordelia said, her eyes widening slightly. "He never left his gun out where I could get my hands on it."

Xander choked, once again fighting back laughter.

"Harrumph. Ahem." Shaking his head, he somehow managed to not roll his eyes. "Well, lucky me then, Private."

"Yes sir," Cordelia said, nodding seriously. Xander wasn't certain, but he thought he could detect signs of her own grin threatening to break out at the corners of her lips... "So. How do we do this, sir?"

"Well... ah... " Pausing for a moment for thought, Xander shrugged and knelt slowly down in front of Cordelia. "First off, we need to check and clear the, uh, storage receptacle for obstructions," he said, ad libbing as hard as he could manage.

"Oh, I see," Cordelia said above him as Xander slipped his hands up along her thighs under her skirt.

Grasping the sides of the waistband of her thong panties, Xander slowly pulled them down over her hips, working them past the curve of her ass and down onto her upper thighs. Once he had them to that point, he just as slowly slid them down along her legs and over her knees until they fell loosely pooled around her ankles.

There just had to be something more erotic than helping a hot, gorgeous girl off with her underwear... kneeling in front of her, and slowly and enticingly sliding the satiny, lacy fabric over the swell of tanned hips and down over the curve of ass. Then slowly and sensuously along the sculpted curves of the legs and down past a pair of shapely knees. Hearing the soft whisper of fabric on skin, and feeling the silky sensation of smoothly shaven skin under your palms. Watching as first the wisps of pubic hair appeared and then the silky triangle aiming down, and then the mound and folds and lips of her sex...

But Xander would be damned if he could think of anything at the moment.

It was amazing to him that the simple act was even _more_ erotic in a lot of ways than some of the actual acts that came _after_ the panties were off.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Cordelia raised one foot and then the other as Xander worked the panties off over her boots.

"That does it," Cordelia said, "Next time I'm going with the slit crotch."

Xander froze with the flimsy red panties in his hand, his brain skittering off along decidedly pornographic tracks all of a sudden.

"You really enjoy doing that, don't you?" he accused, looking up at her.

"What," Cordelia said, blinking at him. "Derailing your teeny tiny mind and making it crash and burn?"

"Yeah, that," Xander said, snickering up at her. Damn, the view from down here was fantastic.

"Uh huh, sure do."

"Figures," Xander said.

Running his hands up along her legs caressingly, he pushed the skirt up over her hips and ass until it was bunched up around her waist again. And again, man: nice view. Xander didn't think he was ever going to get tired of seeing his hot girlfriend's mostly bare pussy with the soft triangle of dark hair leading down to it...

Or any of the other parts of her, for that matter.

Once again, he reflected that he'd seen centerfolds that were less good looking than Cordelia.

"So, is it?" Cordelia said. "Ah... obstructed, sir?"

"Hrmm." Running the palms of his hands down across and over the curves of Cordelia's full and rounded ass cheeks, Xander slipped one hand around to the front and extended his index and middle fingers. Then, slowly working them in between her lower lips, he found her opening and abruptly slid them inside of her up to the knuckles.

"Auuuuggghh! Guh," Cordelia said, her hips thrusting forward and her back arching. Both hands found their way into Xander's hair and clenched around fistfuls of it.

"Nope," Xander said cheerfully, sliding his fingers out and thrusting them back in. "Seems to be completely clear."

"Oh... g-good," Cordelia said. She gasped as he did it again. "Ggg... d- uh... you really enjoy doing that, don't you?"

"What, sending your teeny tiny mind off the rails and making your brain melt?" Xander said, smirking up at her. Cordelia half glared down at him, her eyes only partly open. "Yup, sure do!"

"Asshole."

Standing up slowly in front of her, Xander leaned his head forward until his forehead was against hers and he was gazing into her now wide open hazel eyes. "Just never ever gets old." He kissed her slowly as her lips came up to meet his.

Taking his time, Xander did a thorough job of kissing her senseless while working his fingers into and out of her until her thighs were quivering and her hips were making little rolling motions and she was making tiny mewling sounds into his mouth.

"Oh," Cordelia breathed, finally, when he pulled away from her mouth. "Okay."

"So," Xander said, a lopsided grin starting to spread across his lips, "Now that it's clean, the first step is to make certain that the gun is oiled and properly lubricated for storage."

"Huh?" Cordelia blinked at him, and then her eyes slowly focused. "Oh, it is, huh?" she said, her eyes half closing again as he slowly worked his fingers along her wet slit and between the folds of her lower lips.

"Yup."

He slipped his fingers back up inside of her, just as slowly and she moaned softly.

"B-bu-boy," Cordelia managed to say, "You're really into this whole ass fucking me thing, aren't you?"

"Huh?" Xander blinked, and then grinned at her. "Who said anything about ass fucking?"

She rolled her eyes under her eyelids. "You didn't _have _to, dork. Not in so many words. Properly oiled and lubricated?"

"Ah. That." Working his now slickened fingers into and out of her slowly, Xander said, "I _hadn't_ really planned on going there."

"Oh? Then the oiled and lubed thing?" Cordelia's voice was amused and curious above him, and slightly skeptical.

"Uh..." Xander shrugged. "Ad libbing? Part of the role play dialogue?"

"Oh." Cordelia chuckled. "Well, okay."

"But _since_ you brought it up," Xander said, snickering. He slightly increased the rhythm of his gently probing fingers.

"Gee, I sure set myself up for _that_ one, didn't I sir?"

"Objections, Private?"

"Uh... n-no-noo... not really, sir," Cordelia said.

Reaching down into the left hand pocket of his fatigues, Xander pulled out a small squeeze bottle of Baby Oil. Slowly removing his right hand and fingers from Cordelia's now soaking wet crotch, he grabbed her wrist, pulled her hand up – and slapped the bottle into her palm, grinning.

Her eyes opening, she looked down at her hand, blinking. Huffing, she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Boy, you really came prepared for maneuvers, didn't you sir?" Cordelia said, smirking at him.

"Well, ah," Xander smirked back and waggled his eyebrows. "You just never know what's going to come up on a patrol, Private."

"And down. And up. And down and up again," Cordelia said, snickering.

"Very up."

"Oh, really, huh," she said, lifting her eyebrows. Looking down at the front of his pants, she said, "Well, let's just see about that."

"Okay."

Taking hold of Cordelia's other hand, Xander turned her and eased her backward until the backs of her knees bumped into the bench behind them. She jumped slightly, and then smiled and eased down to sit at an angle with her knees together, facing him.

It put her smiling and slightly parted lips on a level about even with Xander's belt buckle, and gave him a fantastic view down her shirt at the swell and curve of her breasts and the lacy red encased valley between them. Also a highly erotic view...

Okay, give it up, Xan. There's not anything about this girl that you _don't _find gorgeous and arousing.

Reaching up, Xander unbuckled his belt, and then unsnapped the front of his black fatigue pants. Little Nighthawk – not really all that little at the moment, sprang into formation in front of Cordelia's face and reported for duty, bobbing at attention.

Or _for _attention, more like.

"Hrrm." Eying it speculatively, Cordelia licked her lips. "Wow," she said, "He sure is gung ho."

"He always was an enthusiastic soldier."

She looked up and their eyes met and both of them dissolved into laughter.

"_Ooh_ rah!" Xander murmured, clenching the muscles around it and causing Little Nighthawk to jerk, twitch, and bob in front of her. "See? He saluted."

"Oh... _God!_" Cordelia fell back against the back of the bench, guffawing and then laughing hysterically. Finally, she broke off, and sat up hiccuping and wiping at her eyes. "You are _so_... so... God. I'm not sure even _what_ you are, Xander."

Shrugging, he grinned down at her, not knowing what to say to that.

Shaking her head while still chuckling, Cordelia squirted a little oil onto her palm and then set the squeeze bottle aside before rubbing her hands together, spreading the Baby Oil over them. Reaching up, she took hold of Xander about midway and began slowly sliding her oily grip along the length to the head.

"Eek! It twitched again, sir!"

"Oh dear God – it's getting _bigger_!" Xander said, starting to snicker.

Cordelia blinked up at him, looking a bit nonplussed. Then the memory of their late afternoon Army of Darkness viewing the other day, her lying naked on her bed on her stomach and Xander sprawled along side slowly running his hand along her back, evidently surfaced and she burst out laughing.

"Do you think it'll burst loose and grow into an entirely new Nighthawk if we keep this up?"

"Oh, God – I'm not sure I really want an evil twin... " Xander said. "Especially not one that's a real dick."

"Well, _I _can think of entertaining possibilities," Cordelia said, her smile growing wicked. She waggled her eyebrows up at him.

"I could be in two places at once," Xander said, musingly.

"Oh, _God _yes... "

"Huh?" Xander blinked at her.

Cordelia frowned up at him, still stroking her oily hands up and down along his shaft. "Gee, what were _you _thinking of, sir?"

"Uh... he could go to Chem while I slept in?" Xander paused, examining that statement inside of his head even as it came out. Okay, so Cordelia was right – he really _was _hopelessly lame.

"Oh, crap, you really are hopeless, Lamer," Cordelia said, shaking her head.

"Yeah, I'm suddenly aware," Xander said, nodding. "Finally the light dawns. Guess that would be a girl's wet dream, huh?"

"With the right guy, yeah," Cordelia said, still shaking her head. "Just like guys fantasize about the girl, them, girl thing sometimes."

"Well, _I'm _not going to try any duplication spells," Xander said, frowning, "Considering – "

"What happened with the whole love spell mess," Cordelia said, nodding. She shuddered identically to Xander, and in perfect time with him. They exchanged looks and shuddered again. "Brr. And, okay, sir. I think your, ah, gun is properly oiled now."

"Great work, Private," Xander said, grinning down at her.

Picking up and tossing the little bottle of oil into the nearby slaying bag – after capping it – Cordelia looked up at him and went ditzy brunette again. "What now sir?" she asked, smiling brightly.

"Ah... "

Throwing a fast look behind him over at the Dearly Departed's resting spot, Xander did a quick check. Yup. Andrew was not breaking any new ground over there, thank God. The timing would be horrible, even if it was perfectly on course for life on the Hellmouth.

Then again, the sight of Xander running, err, hobbling very fast toward him with his pants around his knees and a stake in his hand, waving in the night air... and Cordelia running alongside with her skirt around her waist and her tits flopping out of her shirt...

Would probably freeze him in place halfway out in wide eyed gape mouthed shock.

Poor Vampy Andy would end up back in Hell with _zero _clue as to just what the hell happened to him.

"Gots _no _idea, Boss. There I wuz, rising up for my first meal of eternity, and suddenly there's this oily dick rushing toward me along with a half nekkid centerfold and then – poof! Here I am again."

Xander snickered, and then started giggling. Cordelia looked up at him, startled, and then followed his gaze toward the grave, looked down at him and at herself, and burst out laughing along with him.

"Not exactly what the Slayer's Handbook recommends, huh?" she finally managed to gasp out.

"Good thing Giles threw out the handbook then, huh?" Xander said, still snickering. They exchanged looks and burst out laughing again.

"Well, the coast seems clear, sir," Cordelia said, finally, in between gasps of laughter. "What now?"

"Hrmm." Shaking his head and chuckling, Xander reached down and shoved the bag of slaying gear over to the end of the bench next to the arm, and gestured gallantly at the cleared space next to her. "If the Private would be so kind as to kneel on the bench here facing that way?" he said, gesturing...

"Huh." Standing briefly and turning toward the end of the bench, Cordelia put first one shapely knee and then the other on the bench seat until she was on her knees upright and facing that end of the cemetery. She turned her head to look sidelong at him. "Boy, this advanced training sure is... unorthodox compared to Basic, sir."

"Ah... Advanced Individual Training is like that, Private," Xander said, his mouth going suddenly dry. "It can be tailored to the situation and the, uh, needs of the soldier."

"Ah. That's why it's individual, huh?" Cordelia said, nodding seriously.

"Right." Xander clambered a bit less gracefully onto the bench until he was kneeling behind her, with his hardon just brushing against the silky skin of Cordelia's ass cheeks. Little Nighthawk immediately stiffened further and reported in.

Putting his hands on Cordelia's hips just over the waistband of her skirt, and just below her waist, Xander slid them slowly up and forward along the smooth skin of her sides and stomach, and over the fake uniform blouse until he had a full breast cupped in each hand through the material. After giving each a thorough, slow and gentle squeezing session, he worked his fingers down until he could feel the buttons of the blouse and began undoing them one by one.

The material fell open and away with another imagined groan of releasing tension, and Xander began playing with his girlfriend's tits through the lacy material of the half cup bra.

After a few minutes of this, he found the front clasp to the bra and fumbled at it a bit before managing to get the catches open and it popped open and fell away to either side of her breasts. He slid his palms up from underneath until each was filled with the swell of a mound of soft warm flesh and her nipples stiffened to full hardness under his fingers.

"Eek! There's that draft again, sir!"

"We'll... ah, just have to make sure you're properly covered then, Private," Xander said, his voice growing hoarse.

"I'm pretty sure you can manage to cover my privates, yes sir," Cordelia said, her own voice husky.

"Uhh... " Xander's brain derailed again, momentarily. Then... "I think I can manage, yeah, Private," Xander said, shaking his head and grinning at her.

Cordelia looked back at him and went all ditzy brunette again. "What now sir?" she asked, smiling brightly.

"Ah... "

Throwing another fast look to the side of himself over at poor Departed Andrew's resting spot, Xander did a quick check again. Yup. _Still_ not breaking any new ground over there. Good.

"So, are you going to cover my privates now, sir?" Cordelia asked, her voice husky and gone all phone sex on him. She looked back over her shoulder and batted her eyelashes at him.

"Ah... " Xander froze for a moment, and then a startled laugh huffed out of him. "And oh-kay. On _that _note... " Sliding his hands over and then off from her breasts, Xander ran them up over her upper sides until they were grasping her by the shoulders. He gave her a gentle push forward, and continued with, "Bend forward and grab hold of the arm of the bench, Private."

Cordelia tossed a wicked look at him over her shoulder, and then shrugged, leaning forward slowly. Xander let his hands move along her, and with her, holding her so she wouldn't overbalance and fall face forward.

Or something like that. It gave him an excuse to run his hands over his girlfriend's naked chest, which was always of the good.

Finally, Cordelia was on her hands and knees in front of him with her hands gripping the arm of the bench, her arms extended slightly in front of her. The, ah, activities involved in getting to this point had caused the skirt to ride down a bit over her hips, and partly over her ass again. Xander could just see the upper half of her sun/moon tattoo peeking out above her waistband...

_Not _a tramp stamp. Cordelia had gotten incandescently furious the first and only time he'd ever made the mistake of referring to it that way... Xander had _never _made that mistake again.

Xander was afraid to try out 'Tijuana License Plate' on her. She might geld him. Uh, scratch the _might _from that.

He _still _privately thought that the whole purpose was to give your boyfriend artwork to look at while he was butt fucking you, but he was never _ever _going to utter that conviction out loud. He'd take _that _little observation to his grave with him, Xander reflected.

One way or another.

He took hold of the hem of the tight and stretchy skirt and hiked it back up again until her ass was fully uncovered and it was bunched up around her waist. Xander shuffled forward on his knees a bit until Little Nighthawk's oily length was nestling upright snugly into the cleavage between Cordelia's gorgeous ass cheeks.

"Ohh! Sir!" Cordelia looked back over her shoulder at him, wide eyed. "You didn't warn me there were _snakes _out here!"

Spluttering, Xander stared at her and then lost it briefly. When he finally got himself under control, he shook his head and half glared at her. "_Will _you _stop _that!"

"Sir?" Cordelia's expression was all wide eyed innocence.

"Oh, never the fuck mind... " Xander sighed. Jeeze. He'd created a monster. No – Cordelia was already a monster. Just a really, really hot and sexy one.

Reaching down, Xander got ahold of himself and eased his hips back until he could lower the tip of his trouser snake to aim in the desired direction. And _you _quit that, Xander – now she's got you doing it...

Cordelia gasped. "So," she said, feeling the head of his cock press against her tight puckered asshole, "Your gun needs to be stored in a tight, wet place, sir?"

"Well, ah... " Xander verbally fumbled for a moment, his mind completely blank of everything except for what he was currently engaged in. Then it cleared, slightly, and he said, "It's best if it's kept well oiled and stored in a snug, closely fitted casing, yes."

"Oh." Cordelia turned her head back to face forward again, but not before Xander saw her eyes dancing wickedly and her lips twitching in a strenuous effort to keep a straight face. "I see. Uh, carry on then, sir."

"I plan on it, Private," Xander practically growled. Cordelia gasped as he moved his hips forward, pushing slowly past the initial tight resistance of her puckered sphincter muscles and the head of his dick slipped an inch or so into her. He gasped as well, freezing in place for a minute as the hot, incredible tightness of Cordelia Chase's asshole wrapped around the end of his erection like an oily glove.

"Uh... gnhh!" Cordelia stiffened under him. So did Xander, or at least a part of him. "Oh, God... unhh... "

Cordelia's head fell forward and she panted harshly, gasping again as Xander twitched inside of her. If it felt anything from her, ah, end like it did from his... he couldn't blame her.

Leaning forward slowly, Xander ran his cupped hands from around her hips up over Cordelia's waist and along her sides, and up and over her breasts from the underside. His fingers slid slowly over her distended, large brown aureoles, and she moaned. She moaned again when he caressed and kneaded her breasts gently with his hands, and then the moan turned guttural when Xander took her hard nipples between the tips of his index, middle fingers, and thumbs and pulled and pinched at them.

Taking his time, Xander played with Cordelia's already extended nipples until they were as hard as his erect and throbbing dick felt, and – suddenly pulled out on them while pinching down _hard_.

"Auuuuhhh – ggghhh unnnggghh!"

Cordelia let out a harsh, guttural scream and convulsed under him. Her hips bucked, and she slammed back against him, sheathing the full length of his erection deeply inside of her tight anal passage in one long, agonizingly deep stroke. Xander's moan was just as harsh and guttural as he felt her clamp down around him, and her hips continued working in spasmodic jerks, shoving her ass back against him as she came.

Oh... God. That felt... _incredible_.

"Oooohhh ahhnnn ohhh... uhn uhn _uhn!_" Cordelia tossed her head, dark hair flying everywhere and her hips swiveled frantically.

Xander reflexively gripped her breasts tighter as her movements slid her back and forth along his cock, an inch or so in and out with her jerk and buck, and more or less accidentally clamped back down on her nipples again in the process.

"Oh- oh- ohh... _fuck_!" Cordelia threw her head back, and stiffened all over, her back arched and her thighs quivering. "G-guh-God _damn_!"

If Xander hadn't lost his speech centers somewhere along the way, he'd have wholeheartedly agreed with her.

A minute or so in, when Cordelia began to subside just a bit into whimpers and jerking motions of her hips, Xander regained enough presence of mind to pull back, sliding out until just the head of his now fully engaged hardon was inside, and then thrust suddenly and quickly all the way back in to the root –

– While pinching down hard on her nipples again and pulling out on them.

He was pretty sure that that scream may have shattered windows in Los Angeles. Or at least Oxnard.

"Gnnnnn... g-guh! God damn! Fuck." Cordelia shoved back into him, grinding her hips and ass cheeks back into his hips. She threw a wild eyed look back over her shoulder, dark hair plastered over half of her face, and hissed out, "You... bastard."

"Now... uh... now... " Xander managed to grunt, pulling back and sliding forward again, "It's not regulation to call y-you-your C-co-commander a bastard."

"_Fuck _you, sir."

"I think you are." Xander snickered, and gasped again, pinching down on her nipples and pulling while thrusting in and out again.

"Fuck! Auuuggghhhh... "

Gods bless whatever deities made Cordelia's breasts and especially her nipples fully erogenous zones, Xander thought wildly. Spots of bright abstract color swirled at the edges of his vision as her asshole clamped down around him like a tiny fist, holding him in place buried all the way inside of her.

"Unnnh unnh unh!" Gasp... "Oh, God... _ungh!_"

He was _seriously _going to have to burn an offering to Aphrodite later. Xander wondered where you could get a fatted calf in Sunnydale.

Then again: _Sunnydale_.

They probably had them at your local 'Sacrifices 'R Us', right next to the virgins.

"Oh, God... " Cordelia shoved back against him as Xander slid into and out of her, pulling back only a couple of inches before shoving back forward again.

Finally, she relaxed all over, and her head fell forward with her hair thrown to the front and draped down over her arms. Cordelia's thighs quivered and her hips were making little rolling twitches under and around him as she panted and gasped harshly. Xander wasn't in much better shape. His eyes felt like they'd rolled so far back into his head at some point that he was examining the inside of his skull.

"Oh... oh... guh." Cordelia shook her head, slowly, panting. "Yuh-yu-you... pinch my n-n-ipples and s-send me into o-or-orbit again, jerkface, a-and I'll c-clamp down and rip it out by the root when I come. Asshole."

"Ahh... yeah... " Hastily, Xander slipped his hands down over Cordelia's breasts – getting another hip jerk and a moan as his fingers slid over her nipples – and down her sides until he was grasping her by the hips.

"G-g-guh-good. At l-least... " pant "L-let me c-catch," gasp "M-my b-buh-breath... jerk."

"Uh huh... " Xander managed to get his eyes unrolled and then uncrossed, with what felt like a _massive _effort.

"Whoa, _dude!_ That is _seriously_ hot!"

It was a harsh, growly, somewhat lisping, and totally awed sounding voice. And it was coming from decidedly the _wrong _direction... especially considering it was coming in the middle of a cemetery at night where they were _supposedly _vamp sitting.

"What the– ?" Xander's head whipped around so fast he heard tendons and cartilage pop.

"The hell?" Cordelia's did just about exactly the same thing, and in the same direction.

Holy crap. Or maybe unholy crap.

Speaking of Sunnydale.

And sacrifices...

* * *

><p><em>Are our heroes as screwed as they seem? Follow us to the Climax of Our Story and See!<em>

_._


	6. Adventures in Vamp Staking -

**Part VI: Adventures in Vamp Staking...**

* * *

><p><em><span>Not<span> so very much time at all later..._

Oh-kay. So, there he was in a cemetery in Sunnydale, kneeling on a bench with his pants down around his knees. And his hard dick buried up to the root in Cordelia's asshole.

With a... Xander checked again. Yup. Definitely a vamp. In full game face, with a completely enthralled and dumbfounded expression. And wearing a cheap suit with fresh dirt stains and little clods and chunks falling off of it.

Oh – and, to cap it all off...

Standing there with his pants open and his own petrified dick in his hand, stroking it for all he's worth.

Guh-reat!

And again, oh-kay!

Definitely Andrew Waldrip, the vamp they'd been waiting here to stake.

'_Oh, God,_' ran through Xander's mind. '_I'm going to die here. And it's going to be embarrassing._'

A treacherous – and horny – voice in the back of his head observed that if he worked fast, maybe he could at least cum before the vamp drained him.

Hey. Seventeen and horny. Do the math.

Apparently they both stopped frozen in shock long enough for it to register on Vampy Boy. He frowned, the motion of his right hand stilling on his own erection.

"Dude. Don't stop on _my_ account."

"Oh my God." Cordelia's eyes widened and she gasped out, "You've been watching us?" There was a pause, and she added in an outraged tone, "And jacking _off_? Eeww!"

"Holy shit! Is that Cordelia Chase?" Andrew blinked at them. "Wow. I knew Cordy was a _hot_ looking slut, but I _didn't_ know she could fuck like a porn star."

"Hey! And I am so NOT a slut!" Cordelia went from disgusted back to outraged again in 2.2 seconds. Xander scowled down at her tattoo. Jeeze.

Typical Cordelia.

Rolling his eyes, Xander gave the vamp an irritated look. "Do you _mind_?"

"Naw. Carry on, dude. I can wait 'til you're done." Andrew grinned at him, and actually winked.

"Hey!"

"Cordy, sweetheart?" Xander said, his voice starting to get a bit desperate sounding to his own ears. "Please, don't rush the nice vampire if he wants to wait before killing us."

"Oh." Cordelia froze for a long beat, and then nodded vigorously. "Right."

"Don't worry babe. After _he's_ done, I'll drain him and you can do me before I kill and turn you."

"Hey!" Xander's head whipped back around and he glared at the newly risen vampire.

"Oh, right, _now_ you say 'hey!'. Dork." Cordelia paused, glaring back over her shoulder at him, and then her voice went into tones of major disgust. "And eww! As if!"

Xander froze, his mind racing furiously, looking for a way out of this. After an endless moment that seemed like forever, he did the only thing that even remotely suggested itself to him –

With as casual looking a shrug as he could manage, Xander grasped Cordelia's hips firmly, and... pulled out partway and stroked back in. And again.

"Hey!" Cordelia glared back over her shoulder at him again, with an outraged and completely appalled expression. "God, dumb ass. Still?"

Ignoring her, Xander continued to slide in and out in slow short strokes while he continued thinking. Fortunately, thank the miserable gods, Little Nighthawk hadn't had an attack of shyness and wilted. Or retreated up into his lower abdomen.

Cordelia started to say something else, her eyes flashing, and he gave her a warning look and pulled back farther and shoved in hard.

"You- unnh... guh! Ow! Oh, God..."

Ignoring Cordelia, he nodded to Andrew and said, "Nice of you to let me finish."

"Hey, no probs," Andrew said. The vamp grinned at him and went back to his stroking motions. As Cordy had said: eeew. Double helpings of eww. And ick.

Andrew blinked at them, and then gave Xander a harder stare. "Wait – Xander _Harris_? Dude: we had bets on whether you were getting to screw Cordy or not."

Cordelia's head whipped back around to glare at _him_ for a change. "Hey!"

"Really?" Xander's eyebrows went up. "What was your bet?"

"I figured she was too big a tease to give you any."

"Hey! Ungh!" Cordelia scowled ferociously. "I am _not,_" she grunted as Xander slid home again, "Unghn... a _tease_, dammit." Throwing the glare backward again, she added, "And will you – ungh – _quit_ that, you pervert?"

"She's really not." Xander said, still ignoring his increasingly incensed girlfriend. "As you can see."

Desperately, Xander brainstormed furiously for some way to signal Cordelia as to what he had tickling in the back of his mind before she recovered her presence of mind enough to sit up and pull away from him – dislodging him and ruining any chance they had of getting out of this alive.

No matter how slim a chance.

God... he hoped that Buffy showed up. Or Faith.

God... he hoped Little _Nighthawk_ was game for this and didn't droop on him.

"I can see that. Damn – you just cost me twenty bucks."

"Uh, sorry?"

"Uh, you mind hurrying up? I'm kinda hungry. And I got a boner the size of Montana I want to do something with before I kill her."

"Hey! And, boy, is _that_ ever something to look forward to!" Cordelia's eyes narrowed at him.

Xander eyed the vamp and his package. "I'm thinking Montana is kinda generous. Rhode Island, maybe... "

Cordelia snickered appreciatively and the vamp glared at them both. "Hey! Do you want to live long enough to finish up?"

"Wouldn't mind, no." After a beat Xander said, "But I gotta kind of agree with my girlfriend here. Has kind of a dampening effect."

"Hey," the vamp glowered at him. "I don't _have_ to let you finish... "

"No, no, that's okay!"

"Great. And, hey! Are you going to like _do_ something about this? Or just kneel back there like a thick lump?"

Leaning forward until he was half lying along Cordelia's back, Xander slowly ran his hands up along her waist and stomach until he was cupping both breasts again. His fingers found her nipples and pinched down, hard.

Still _hard_ nipples, like his still amazingly hard dick...

Wow. Cordy's an exhibitionist, a part of Xander's mind noted, absently.

"Guh!" Cordelia thrashed suddenly and bucked back against him. Xander slipped one hand from a breast, and slid it gently along her stomach down to between her legs. "Oh- oh, guh-God!" She shoved back against him again, her head coming back with her eyes closed –

– _Just_ as he'd more than half hoped for.

Putting his lips as close to her ear as he could, Xander whispered harshly, as loud as he dared and hoping like hell that vampire hearing couldn't pick it up, "I _am_ doing something. Play _along_, Cordy."

"Uh _huh_! Oh, yeah..." Cordelia said breathily, her eyes closed, as he slipped his fingers along her slit and began to circle her clit. "I... uh.. I'll just... uh... ungh... what?" She finally registered and whispered back. "What?"

"I _said_: play along with me." Xander scowled glad his face was partly hidden by Cordelia's hair on the side away from the vamp. "Gotta get him to drop his guard."

"Ohhhh kayy... uh huhhh..."

Thank the gods for horny and thoroughly aroused girlfriends. Cordelia was gonna _kill_ him after this, if they survived. _Slowly_.

As long as they were still _alive_ for her to kill him, all was fine and good...

Xander frantically tried to think of a way to get to the stake in his pants cargo pocket without causing an immediate attack. Uh.. no. _Especially_ not from this position. His eye fell on the open bag of slaying tools lying on the bench under his girlfriend's dangling tits, and he gave it a brief and speculative look...

There was a cocked and loaded mini crossbow in there ready to go and –

Probably not.

By now, Xander had a real, serious appreciation for how fast a vamp could move when it was motivated, and Vampy Andy wasn't _nearly_ far enough away. He'd have his neck broken and Cordelia drained before he got the cocked and loaded hand crossbow out of the bag and aimed.

Dammit.

And then the half baked idea that had been niggling at the back of his mind incubated, hatched, and gave birth to an actual plan. Okay, maybe half baked was being generous. Quarter baked.

But a plan it was, nonetheless.

Stroking forward while making Cordelia shudder her way toward another orgasm with his fingers on her clit, Xander glanced over and said with elaborate casualness... "Well, if you're in a rush, she _does_ have a hole at both ends... "

Cordelia's eyes flew open and her head whipped around to throw another outraged glare at him, nearly eye to eye now. "_What?!_"

It came out in kind of a strangled blue jay sound, more than a shout.

Meeting her eyes desperately, Xander waggled his eyebrows and gave her his most intense look. Willing her to suddenly develop telepathy and read his freaking _mind_, dammit.

He shrugged, eliciting a gasp from her as the motion caused him to jerk forward inside of her. "Evil Vampire and the Hot Victim, Cordy. I'm thinking it's a Hellmouth natural."

He was hoping against hope almost that some of their discussion of possible role playing scenarios the weekend just past was still in there, and would percolate up for her. Hope died as Cordelia glared blankly at him, and then her eyes narrowed.

Maybe...

She bit her lower lip and nodded, or at least jerked her head up and down, but Xander couldn't tell for _certain_ if it was comprehension or a reaction to his hip movement.

Andrew brightened over there, and froze for a moment before saying, "Dude! Really? Hey – you're all right for a meal."

"Just what I always wanted written on my tombstone."

"Sorry, dude. But you know how it is – man's gotta eat."

"You're not exactly a man," Xander observed, pulling his hand away from Cordelia's crotch and straightening up behind her.

"Man, vamp, whatever."

"Hey! If you're going to drain him, why do you have to kill _me_?" Cordelia shot the vamp a desperate look. "Just eat _him_, I eat you, and you let _me_ go. Win win!"

"Hey!" Xander yelped, and she shot him a scathing look over her shoulder.

And, oh thank God and Great Godfrey Cambridge. Cordelia remembered the script. Even better – the _right_ script, so far. Woulda really sucked if she'd gotten it mixed up with "Hyena Boy and the Horny Ringmaster."

Probably fatally.

"You _started_ it, dumbass," Cordelia snapped, wrenching his thoughts back online.

"I did not!"

"You so _did_!" Cordelia's eyes narrowed and went deadly on him. "A hole at both ends?"

Andrew ignored their mini spat, shrugged, and said in a musing tone, "Being the one who screwed and _then_ turned Cordelia Chase? I'd be legend. Why should I let you go?"

Cordelia turned her head back toward him, licked her lips, and put on her best melt in your pants sultry voice. "Well, I _could_ make it _really_ worth your while..."

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?" Xander blinked at her.

Yeah, his plan and all, but... jeeze. Cordy sounded like she was getting into the idea. Xander kinda wanted to live through this, _too_.

Both voices, Cordy's and the vamp's shouted, "No!"

Xander huffed, glaring. "Vampire Layer."

"Asshole."

"Bitch."

"Jerk off."

"Slut."

"Weenie!"

"Hey! I'm getting bored here." Andrew rolled his eyes at them, interrupting the bitch fest.

"Do you mind? I'm trying to have a fight with my idiot boyfriend."

"Uh, fight later, _after_ I kill him."

"_Fine_." Cordelia rolled her eyes and huffed. "So, we have a deal?"

"Hey!"

"Oh, shut up, Dork. I'm bargaining for my life here."

"Hrrm. I do know where you live and hang out. I can always hunt you down later."

"See?" Cordelia gave him her very best Pepsodent commercial smile, with extra whitening power.

"But if I'm letting you go – I want more incentive," Andrew said, scowling.

Cordelia blinked. "Uh... like what?"

"Like, _after_ you suck me off, I want both holes and a tit job."

"_What?_"

"Hey!" Both of them ignored Xander yet again...

"You heard me: cunt, ass, and a jugg fuck until I shoot off all over that slutty face of yours. Otherwise... "

Xander blinked at him. "Boy, that really sounds like more than a couple moments worth of fantasizing there, guy."

"Hey," Andrew said, shrugging back. "_You_ try being in the locker room all the time with them running around in those skimpy uniforms and their undies, dude."

"Point," Xander said, nodding.

"Yeah. You've been fucking her, asshole," Andrew said, scowling. "The rest of us have just been jerking off _thinking_ about fucking her."

"Uh huh." Pulling out half way and sliding back in, Xander ignored Cordelia's strangled sound and watched the way Andy Vampy's eyes followed the movement hungrily. "Pretty sure every guy in school's had this fanta– "

"_If_ you two idiots are _done_ with the locker room guy talk, jeeze," Cordelia huffed, tossing her head. "Fine. Let's get it over with. Uh, come around and stand in front of the end of the bench, I guess."

"Cool!"

Grinning, Andrew the Vampire yanked his hand away from his dick and practically trotted over to the bench, moving around until he was standing by the end of it with his fully erect – and literally filthy – hardon in front of her.

Xander could _just_ picture Cordelia's expression of distaste as she cocked her head, examining the thing. And the nose wrinkle and eeww! Look on her face...

"Let me just get you a rubber," Cordelia said, her voice absolutely dripping with disgust. She reached down one hand from the bench arm toward the bag.

"Hey! I'm not gonna wear a raincoat for this, jeeze," the vamp said, rolling his eyes. He started to snicker. "Just suck the damned thing, bitch. Gargle later."

Huffing, Cordelia gave a kind of a shrug with her one hand on the bench arm, and wriggled forward a bit and started leaning her head down and forward, presumably with her mouth opening.

Xander thought Andrew's eyes were gonna bug out of his skull as he looked down at her, and himself. Xander's hand began reaching from Cordy's crotch back to his pants leg, but he knew he'd never reach that far from this position... Xander's mind spun rapidly through alternate scenarios just in case this failed, badly, or in the event that Cordelia _hadn't_ read his mind properly.

Give Cordelia a hard shove to the left, throwing her and rolling her off the bench, reach in and grab a weapon and rise and nail the vamp as it moved in to kill him. And make _sure_ he got the vamp even if his neck got broken in the process so it wouldn't get Cordy after and –

He didn't _have_ to picture Cordelia's hand still stealthily dropping from the wrought iron arm of the bench, and dipping into the bag of slaying gear. He had a perfect view of it, looking down past her hips and ass.

And a perfect view of the crossbow coming up as she leaned back and away from the late and soon to be later Andrew's hard dick – and incidentally leaned into and up farther onto Xander's hardon – and brought the weapon up from under her tits –

And shot poor Andy Vampy dead smack in the heart at point blank rage.

Andrew had just enough time to yelp, "Hey!" and look up in blank faced shock before he started crumbling into dust with the screaming hiss of an escaping demon.

Yup. Ending up straight back in Hell going, "Whut? Uh... dunno _what_ happened. This naked girl with her mouth open shot me in mid blowjob... "

Xander wondered idly if demons got demotions based on stuff like that.

"Point that filthy _thing_ at _my_ mouth, will you? Hrrmph!" Cordelia grated out.

"Wow." He paused for a long beat, gazing down appreciatively at his hot girlfriend's back. "I'm impressed. That was _seriously_ hot, Cordy."

"What? Are you kidding me?" She twisted slightly, looking back incredulously at him. "You were turned _on_ by that?"

"Huh." Little Nighthawk seemed to have grown a bit. "Guess so." Xander pulled back slightly and slid home, drawing a yelp and a squawk from Cordelia.

"Ooohhh... where did you put those extra bolts, you- you... _per_vert."

"Pervert! Me?!"

"_You_ were gonna watch while I gave a _vamp_ a _blow_ job." Cordelia's tone was past outraged. Way past. "While screwing me in the _ass_, yet! And _enjoying_ it, no doubt!"

"I always enjoy screwing you in the ass, Cordy," Xander said in his most patient tones.

"That's _not_ what I meant!" she yelped.

"Well... _you_ were the one that made that 'two places at once' crack earlier," Xander said, snickering. And... ooops. Really, really needed to get that brain to mouth filter looked at some day.

Cordelia's mouth fell open and her eyes widened, looking back at him. "Oh, you did not _just_!"

Xander took advantage of the moment to pull back all the way and slide home again, making Cordelia's expression turn somewhat, uh, different and her eyes to half close.

"Oh, guh... God," Cordelia said, gasping. "And you're _still_ horny?"

"Hey," Xander said, as deadpan as he could manage. "I have this perfectly good hardon here just going to waste. And the vamp is dust, now." He paused for a beat, then, "And a really, really hot girl wrapped around my dick."

"Grrf. I give up," Cordelia's head went forward and dropped down to hang between her arms. "You're _totally_ hopeless."

"Aww, don't be like that, Cordy," Xander said, snickering. "We got the vamp. Let's celebrate!"

"Oh, crap. Well, hurry up back there, dammit."

"Gee, you're so romantic."

"I think the _romance_ left when you invited a _vampire_ to mouth fuck me, dumb ass," Cordelia twisted a bit to glare back at him again.

"You have a point. The romance is gone." (beat) "Now all that's left is the really hot sex."

* * *

><p><em>Shady Hill Cemetery, Tuesday, October 20, 1998 – somewhat later:<em>

"So, catch many kids out here getting their _ungh _on, B?" Faith asked. She smirked as that, predictably, drew an outraged glare and a huff from the way too uptight little blonde.

"Can you say anything without grunting, F?" Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"Nope. Mostly because it's fun to watch your eyes head skyward every time," Faith said, completely unrepentant.

Buffy growled at her, and turned back to the entrance to the cemetery. "No. _Most _people have more sense than to do their, uh... _ungh _in a graveyard. Even in Sunnydale."

"None?" Faith blinked, actually a bit surprised.

"Well, every once in awhile."

"Cool."

Hey, after sitting for freaking _hours _waiting for that damned vamp to _finally _pop his head above ground, Faith was way, way _past _bored. Getting a rise out of Buffy wasn't much for entertaining at this point, but it beat nothing.

By the second hour at her grave site, Faith had been making up little stories in her head with all of the various Sunnydale Scoobies cast as actors in them.

By the time hour three started, she was moving back and forth around the grave, acting them out and _playing _the parts of all of the various Scoobies. Complete with voices and animated gestures. Thank God there was no one around to see her – she'd checked, frequently - 'cause her cool factor would never have survived it.

She'd have had to fall on her stake or something in mortification.

By the end of hour three, she was dredging up half remembered stuff from the hymnal during her long ago days as a Catholic schoolgirl in choir, and singing loudly to the cemetery at large.

And making up ribald and bawdy lyrics to fit the tune in the places where she couldn't remember the real ones. Father Abraham and Sister Edwina would have been scandalized if they'd heard...

Ah well. Faith was pretty sure that Christ would have gotten a laugh outta it. She was dead certain that the Big J just flat _had_ to have a sense of humor. Else he'd never have done the whole cross thing...

He'd just have _looked _at all of the idiots around him and said, "Fuck _this _noise. Ya'll go to Hell."

Yeah yeah. Jesus in her world had a Texas accent. Screw you too.

"Besides, Faith," Buffy was saying, "Not everyone thinks about sex _all _the time. Unlike _you_."

Faith looked sidelong at her, incredulously. Oh, she did _not _just say that...

"Uh huh." Faith said after a long moment, nodding. "Riiiggghhht. Face it, B. Men are all beasts." Giving it a beat, just when Buffy's mouth was opening to retort, she added, "And women are _horny _beasts."

Buffy's mouth closed with a click, and she glared. "We so are not!"

"Riiiggghht."

"Not!"

"Uh huh." Snickering, Faith shook her head, ignoring Buffy's glare, and said, "Man, from Manimal to Mister French, all men are interested in one thing. Ssssseeeexxxxx!" She put extra extra syllables and growl into it, drawling it out while waggling her eyebrows _just _to see Buffy turn red.

Buffy started to speak, then frowned, blinked, and said, "Manimal?"

"Eighties TV, B," Faith said, nodding sagely. "Don't leave home without one."

"I am not talking to you any more," Buffy said, nodding decisively. She turned back to their patrol, starting to head deeper into the cemetery.

"Awww... but but but Buffy! _Pwease _don't be like that!" Faith snickered, and fluttered her eyelashes at the blonde.

Okay, so scratch that – teasing B _was _more entertainment than she'd had so far tonight. Oy. Faith wondered how the Xan Man and the Cheerleader were getting along out here? Bored to tears, and Queenie was probably filing her nails to a fine polish by now.

Man, Faith just could not figure that pair out.

Okay, so... Xander? Not so hard to figure. Decent guy, typical guy. Good sense of humor, a bit drool prone when Faith did her wild girl routine on him, but hey – he seemed A-ok, all in all.

Cordelia Chase, aka Queen C? Huh.

Ice Princess, Faith figured. And definitely not giving it up to horn dog boy. But oh, whoa momma – do _not_ try and vamp her boy whether _she_ was giving him none or not.

Cordy _definitely _had the 'Mine! Don't touch no trespassing – this means you trespassers will be annihilated' signs staked out all over Xander's ass.

Idly, Faith wondered how long it'd be before Xander got tired of the tease and please routine and started wandering. Not long, she'd bet –

A drawn out, hoarse, and nearly agonized feminine scream cut through the night and both her and Buffy stiffened to attention.

"Day-um," Faith said, her eyes going wide. Something about that scream...

"Oh, my, God," Buffy said, her own eyes widening. "That poor – oh, crap."

"Oh crap?" Faith's eyebrows went up.

"Cordy and Xander were over that dir- " the scream came again, definitely with that, uh... _note_ to it this time. "Crap!" Buffy yelled, "Come on!"

And took off running.

_Just _fast enough that Faith's grab for her shoulder missed by the barest fraction of an inch...

Serious legs on that girl, sheesh. Across the cemetery grounds, jumping over headstones and going directly toward the screams. Damn.

Dammit. "Hey, B! Wait, no- wait... " God dammit – Faith cursed under her breath and took off after the blonde.

"_You _wait," Buffy yelled back, still heading off pell mell. "That's Cordelia! She sounds like they're _killing _her!"

"That doesn't sound like agony to _me_," Faith muttered, rolling her eyes. Shaking her head, she increased her speed in Buffy's wake.

Maybe, just _maybe_, she could catch up in time to keep Buffy from making a complete ass of- oof!

Said 'oof!' a result of the fact that Faith had run full tilt, at speed, dead on into Buffy's back. A result of the fact that _Buffy _had abruptly stopped dead in her tracks just ahead of her.

With her mouth hanging open nearly to her chest and her eyes gone all anime character wide.

Huh. Scowling and majorly resisting the nearly overwhelming temptation to draw back a foot and plant it up to the knee in Buffy's ass, Faith straightened after catching her balance, and followed B's gaze...

B, naturally, hadn't even freaking registered Faith bouncing off of her.

Ah.

A wide, seriously wide grin slowly began spreading across Faith's lower face. Aha!

Okay. So, scratch the Ice Princess crack. And any and all cracks along those lines from here on in. Like, wow.

Another hoarse moaning scream, this one joined by an even hoarser male one, came from up past Buffy.

Up ahead, about, oh, maybe seven or eight yards from where Buffy had stopped frozen with her mouth catching moths... Cordelia Chase, cheerleader and professional snob and apparently not practicing ice princess, was moving sensuously in place under a yellowish path light. With, Faith narrowed her eyes, peering hard... yup, Xander Harris, professional Goofball, sprawled out on a plank and wrought iron bench underneath her.

Xander was leaning back with his shoulders supported by the bench back, kinda. Cordelia was straddling his hips with her legs spread, knees half bent, and her feet firmly on the sidewalk in front of the bench. Facing them. Kinda.

Wow. Man. Faith had known that Cordelia had a _serious _pair of tits on her, but she hadn't realized until just now how seriously _nice _they were.

Not hard to judge, neither – they were out in the open, uncased and uncovered, and bouncing and jiggling up and down. Sweet. Tanned, large brown aureoles, and nice thick nipples it looked like.

Really easy to notice. Cordelia was wearing what looked like either a really short green skirt or a really wide red and green belt, a bolero jacket, and a half shirt of the same color, with an unclasped bra hanging open and swinging freely away from the tits. Red thigh high stockings and black boots with come fuck me heels. She couldn't tell what Harris was wearing, except for maybe a black shirt of some kind.

Oh, and the black stuff crumpled around his ankles was _probably _black pants of some kind...

"Auugh! Oh... ohhh.. oh, God... unnnnhhhhggghhh!"

As she watched, fascinated, the cheerleader rose up and shoved herself down onto the lap of the guy underneath her, throwing her head back with her eyes closed and her mouth open in a rictus that definitely was _not _agony. Cordelia's head dropped forward, and she shuddered all over and gave out another ululating "Auuugghh... " from deep down in her throat.

Tossing her head again, she flipped her hair back and her ass rose up a couple of inches from Xander's lap. Gripping a thigh with each of her hands, she leaned forward and began sliding up and down with a kind of a swiveling motion of the hips, twitching and shimmying her ass up and down on her boyfriend's hardon.

"Ungh... holy crap, Cordy!"

Cordelia gave one of those Cheshire Cat type smiles, arched her back, and increased the rhythm of her hips, and the speed of the shimmying motion of her ass. Sliding up and down faster, she suddenly stiffened all over, pausing half way up Xander's erection it looked like, and then arched back farther and slammed back down on him.

_Both_ of them gave out hoarse cries, and Cordelia threw her head back while grinding down into Xander's hips. "Auuuhhh... uuunnhh... fuck!"

Xander's hands moved on Cordelia's hips while they watched, and one went up over her flat stomach to under her breast, pulling her to lean back slightly. The other one slid into the girl's lap, and began moving rhythmically.

Tossing her head, dark hair flying. Cordelia bucked under Xander's probing fingers and she made an inarticulate sound, somewhere between a scream and a strangled noise – probably what they'd heard way out there near the front of the cemetery.

She tossed her head again, arching it back, and then began slowly moving up and down on Xander's – presumably ragingly hard – cock again with an undulating motion of the hips. Sliding up and thrusting herself back down with an "Unghn... unghnn... unghhh!" sound each time, and swiveling her hips for all they were worth.

Heh. That sound was just about like what Faith had described for Buffy. Faith's grin went even wider.

And, wow. Girl had some serious moves on her. Faith began taking mental notes for later use.

And, uh... later mental replay on the big projection screen in her mind's eye, too. Damn.

With a last unngghh of effort, Cordelia shoved herself back down onto her partner again and froze there as her head went back with her eyes squeezed tightly shut. Trembling all over, she ground herself against Xander's lap, her head arcing forward with her hair falling down over it.

"Oh.. guh... guh... _God_... unghhh... oh oh _OH!_"

Cordelia's hips gave one final massive buck and thrust against Xander, and she gasped harshly, then relaxed.

Xander's other hand came up from her hip, and took her by the shoulder, pulling her back and down to lay against him with her legs spread out in front of them both. She went limply and willingly, and then let out another harsh sound as Xander's hand slid from her shoulder down to one of the full breasts and began playing with a nipple...

"Oh! Oh, guh guh guh... auuuughhh! Fuck!"

Damn. The cheerleader practically came unglued all over the boy. Heh – screw the practically. Cordelia's back arched, her hips came up and slammed back down, and she began jerking her hips again for all she was worth.

Day-um.

Faith would _pay _for porn this hot.

"Oh. My. God!"

Uh... that was Buffy's voice next to her. Crap.

Faith's eyes narrowed, and she cut them sidelong to the now bright, bright red faced blonde standing next to her. Buffy's eyes had managed to go even wider, and she still had her mouth hanging open. As Faith looked, it closed, Buffy swallowed hard, and then started to open again –

Just in time, Faith figured, she reached out and grabbed B by the back of the neck with one hand while clapping the other firmly over the opening mouth.

No. Freaking. Way.

There was rude, and there was _tacky_ rude. No way was Faith letting B yell something and interrupt those two. Jeeze – let 'em finish at least. And let Xander get the fuck off too.

It looked and sounded like he was busy earning the privilege over there, hey.

Besides – it'd ruin the floor show.

Buffy apparently didn't even register Faith's hand. Her own hand came up to her mouth, covering it _and_ Faith's. Nope, not even remotely on the same _planet _as Faith right now, nope.

Jeeze, Buffy – never seen someone having hot wild sex before? Faith snickered quietly, turning her attention back to the sexcapades.

Fuck. Boy had some seriously good hands on him, apparently. Faith felt herself getting wet just watching. And listening.

Even as she watched, Harris obviously found a sweet spot of some sort, along with just the right rhythm, because Cordelia's head went back along side of his as her back arched. She drew both legs up almost to her chest, and damned near convulsed around him.

"Oooooohhhh.. oh! Auugggh... unghn!"

And again, day-um. Boy was _not _buried up inside of the cheerleader's snatch, obviously. Faith couldn't tell anything about how he was built, but it was obviously well enough to get the job done right. Especially with that wrist motion.

Holy shit. The uptight and prissy cheerleader taking it up the ass on a cemetery park bench.

_Faith _was patrolling with the wrong person lately, definitely. Wrong _people_.

"Oh, God. Oh... God!" Xander's voice drifted over to them, and Faith could see his hips start to move faster as he worked them even faster up and down, shoving frantically into Cordelia. "Oh, crap... I'm... I'm gonna... "

With an inarticulate hoarse male scream, he did – pulling Chase's ass down hard and tight against himself and arching his hips to shove up into her.

"Oh, God, damn... Xander! Ungh!" came over, followed a short bit after by a grunt and a hoarse squawking sound from Cordelia. And a feminine "Unh- unh- ooaagghh ungh!"

After a long frozen moment, both of them collapsed limply backward, breathing heavily.

Hah. Faith knew the feeling. _She _was breathing like she'd just run a marathon _herself_, Jesus _Christ_. She was afraid to check the crotch of her jeans...

Long as she didn't squish when she walked, it was A-ok.

"Oh, God _damn_, Cordy," Xander said in a hushed tone of voice over there, followed by a feminine, "Guh. Uh... umma wha? Gunnghh."

Faith snickered. Hell, she was impressed that Xander was even forming _words_, jeeze. That had looked, ah... _intense_.

Buffy finally recovered, cut her eyes sideways in a glare at Faith, and closed the hand over her mouth around Faith's and yanked it down and away.

"Oh. My. God! What the _hell _are you two _doing_?!"

Two pairs of bodies snapped upright on the bench, and two pairs of eyes over there went wide as Cordelia and Xander's heads snapped around in Faith and Buffy's direction. Faith rolled her eyes. Oh, brother.

Faith turned the eye roll into a wink and an ear to ear grin, and waved. "Hey! Hi, Cordy!"

"Oh, my God... " the cheerleader said, rolling her own eyes. "Okay, that's the _last _time, Dork. _No_ more public sex, you _hear_ me? We've given _everyone _a free show now."

Xander, for his own part, was looking like he'd turn into a puff of smoke if he could, or vault behind the bench if Cordelia wasn't trapping him there. And oh. my. God. Xander was wearing a black domino mask like the Green Lantern or something. And a t-shirt with a blue and gold stylized bird on it and the words "Night" something in blue lettering.

_Gods_ this was funny. And getting more entertaining by the moment.

Eying Buffy sidelong, judiciously, when she saw the blonde scowl and her mouth start to open, Faith reached over and –

Smartly dope slapped her upside the back of the head a good one. Hard.

"Hey!" Buffy stumbled forward and rubbed the back of her head, turning an outraged glare onto Faith. "_What?!_"

"How come you and _me _never do anything like that on patrol, B?" Faith asked, casually.

"Hey!" Buffy turned an even brighter red, and said, "I- I'm, uh... not into girls that way."

"Too bad. Doubles your chances of getting a date on Friday night."

" – " Buffy's mouth worked soundlessly for a long minute, and Faith heard feminine laughter coming from Cordy and Xander's position.

Grinning at her, Faith said, "You're so cute when you turn bright red, B."

"I am not!" Buffy huffed and turned back to the other two. "And just what the heck do _you _two think you're doing?"

Xander did his best to hide under Cordelia, getting a pained glance for his trouble. Cordelia's eyes narrowed, and she tossed her head, flipping hair back away from her face. Or some off it, anyway.

"Gee. Let me think," Cordelia said, tapping her chin with a fingernail. "Oh! I know! Having sex, maybe?"

Buffy made a strangled sound as her eyes nearly bugged out. Xander matched it with one of his own. Faith, for her part, nearly choked to death trying to stifle laughter...

"Oh, for crying out loud, Dork. Give. It. Up." Cordelia said, turning toward Xander briefly. "We're _caught_, dumb ass."

"Uh... but but but... Cordy?" Xander turned bright bright red – matching Buffy's shade – and looked frantically in every direction except Buffy and Faith's. "It's Buffy! And Faith!" Xander said in a loud, hoarse stage whisper. "Faith! And _Buffy_!"

"Duh."

"Hey, Xan," Faith called over, giving up the struggle to contain her merriment. She waved again and gave him a wolf whistle. "Didn't know you had it in you. Heh. Didn't know the _cheerleader _had it in her – 'til now."

"Eep!" Xander's eyes widened and he gave her an outraged glare.

"Faith!" Buffy gave her an equally outraged glare.

"Oh, I've had it in me before, Faith," Cordelia said, arching up and back and stretching gracefully. What the hell – Faith followed the motion avidly as it made those gorgeous tits rise and swell.

"Cordelia!" Buffy turned the glare on her now.

"What?"

Folding her arms across her chest, Buffy lowered her head and turned the glare into a decided Kubric Stare at the two of them. Oh, brother. And for crying out loud, as Cordelia had said, Faith thought.

"You were having _sex_?" Buffy said, sounding kinda strangled. "In a _graveyard_?"

"We got the vamp!" Xander chimed in, brightly. Buffy turned the Kubric Stare on him, and he yelped again.

Faith snickered, exchanging looks – and eye rolls – with Cordelia. Who rolled her eyes again and rose up gracefully. Xander pulled out of her with a kind of a moist sound as she stood and slid off of him.

Hey, not bad. Even half hard and wilting. Not porn star great, but not bad. Faith gave him an appreciative once over now that she could... explained why the cheerleader was vocally having so much fun.

Cordelia casually stepped over Xander's outstretched legs and to one side. Xander took advantage of being free, finally, to scoot over on the bench away from her and nearly brain himself on one of his own knees reaching down for the waistband of his pants.

Cordelia gave him a tolerant and decidedly affectionate look, mixed with a good sized dollop of exasperation. Faith busted out into a massive snickering fit.

"We really did," Cordelia said, cutting across whatever Buffy was about to say. "Vamp gone dusty. Bye bye."

"Cordy did it. Shot it. Him. Shot him with a crossbow that is," Xander said, rapid fire. "And I-I-I we we she uh, you, w-we-we we... uh... "

"We were doing gun cleaning drills and then storage practice with Xander's, ah, _gun_," Cordelia said, her expression all pure wicked innocence. She pulled her skirt down, regretfully, and smoothed it over her hips.

Having found the waistband, Xander tried pulling up his pants while tapping his nose and pointing at Cordy in the old 'What she said on the nose' gesture. And succeeded completely – in falling off the bench and onto his ass, and then his back, with an oof!

Faith doubled over laughing, and Cordelia gave him another one of those affectionate tolerant looks. Xander glared at both of them, and rolled under the bench and out of sight. Still holding onto his waistband.

Faith started laughing even harder, and damned near fell over herself.

"Oh, for... now see what you did?" Cordelia glared at Buffy. "Now we'll _never _get him out from under there."

"Cordelia!" Buffy practically yelled. "You guys were having sex! In a graveyard!"

"No!" Cordelia looked around, wide eyed. "Really?"

"They got their vamp," Faith put in. Buffy gave her a 'you are _not _helping' look, and Faith shrugged.

"Yeah." Cordelia nodded, and began finding the ends of her bra front and hooking the clasps back together. "Oh! Damn. We better check to make sure Xander still has his soul."

An outraged noise came from under the bench as Buffy's mouth fell open.

Having closed the bra, Cordelia tucked herself into and pulled the cups up over her breasts and smoothed them, and then began buttoning up the shirt in front. She smiled sweetly at Buffy, adding, "Because, seriously? As intense as that was for _me_, I _may _have screwed it out of _him_."

Buffy's mouth closed with a snap and she spun on her heel, away from that brightly malicious smile. "Come on, Faith," she snarled out, "I'm not talking to _them_ any more."

"I'll be along, B," Faith said, eying the cheerleader appreciatively. Day-um.

Buffy half turned and glared at her, and then huffed when Faith merely arched an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest.

"_Fine_." Buffy bit off, and stalked away.

"Cordelia!" came out from under the bench, kind of strangled sounding. "That was... " Xander trailed off, evidently not finding anything for what that was.

"Kinda mean," Faith said. "And probably funny as all hell if I knew the back story, I'm thinking."

Cordelia sighed, huffing at a strand of hair in her eyes. "Kinda. And kinda in the way that's really of the not."

"Funny? Or mean?" Faith asked, both eyebrows going up.

"Both."

"Cordelia!" Xander stood up behind the bench, with his pants finally pulled up, and trying to tuck his shirt and t-shirt into the waistband.

"What?" Cordelia turned, arching both of her eyebrows at him.

Damn. Black Nighthawk t-shirt, and black military style fatigues. Not bad. Faith resisted an urge to wolf whistle again – she didn't think it'd be appreciated.

"You _know _what, Cordy," Xander whispered, harshly.

"Oh, for... " Cordelia made a dismissive gesture. "Right. And I'm _sorry_. But I really wasn't in the mood to get yelled at by _Buffy _of all people."

"Ah... I'm not Buffy," Faith began, and they both broke off and turned toward her, "But the girl had a point. Sex in a graveyard? Kinda looking to be vamp bait, I'm thinking."

Cordelia sighed and exchanged looks, and rueful looking smiles with Xander. "We know," they both said almost at the same time, and then burst out snickering.

"We ah... " Xander trailed off, spreading his hands.

"Were in the middle of, uh," Cordelia made a vague gesture and shrugged, "When our vamp came up."

"No shit?" Faith blinked at them.

"No shit, Faith," Xander said, running a hand over his hair. His hand hit the strap of the domino mask and he froze, scowled, and then yanked it off hastily.

"How the hell did you... " Faith shook her head, wordless for a moment. She just stared at them incredulously.

"Hey, that was easy," Cordelia said.

"Promised him a blowjob," Xander said, deadpan. "And then Cordy shot him when he went around front to collect."

"Poof!" Cordelia said, finishing.

"Seriously?" Faith's eyes widened, and then she doubled over guffawing. "Man! Oh, man. That's freaking priceless."

"It was, really," Cordelia said, exchanging grins with Xander.

"Ok," Faith said, finally winding down. She wiped her eyes, snickering. "Uh, don't do it any more. I don't want to have to stake you guys some day."

"Oh, believe me," Xander began –

"We are so not, not ever _again_," Cordelia finished. "Trust me on that."

"What she said," Xander said, nodding vigorously.

"Good," Faith said, nodding and still snickering. "And, uh, weapon cleaning and storage drills?"

"Gun," Cordelia said. When Faith's eyebrows went up, she sighed and elaborated, pointing back at Xander's crotch. "One is a weapon, that one's his gun."

"And one is for shooting – "

"One is for fun," Cordelia finished, returning Faith's grin as Xander slowly turned beet red again.

"Got it," Faith said, nodding.

"Well, come on, Doof," Cordelia said, sighing heavily. "Let's get all this stuff together. I really, really need a shower – and a change of clothes – when we get to the school before we take over for Willow."

"Ahh... " Faith made a negligent gesture. "Don't sweat it. I'll take over the wolf sitting for Will."

"Really?" Xander blinked at her.

"Yeah, really," Faith said, nodding.

"Thanks!" That got her one of Cordelia's best and brightest smiles.

"Hey, it's the _least _I can do for the best show I've had in months," Faith said, grinning. Xander turned bright red again, and Cordelia rolled her eyes, huffing. "You two go and, uh... whatever. But do it at _home _this time."

"We will, promise," Cordelia said, nodding seriously. "And again, thanks."

Faith waved it off.

"Uh... ok, where to?"

"We'll go- oh, crap. My parents came home late this afternoon, dammit."

Xander checked his watch. "That's all right. We can go to my place. The folks are crashed by now."

"Just to sleep, dammit," Cordelia said. "I'm exhausted."

Nodding, Faith waved again. "I'll let you two work that out. I better go catch up to B."

"Crap," Cordelia said, her expression suddenly pained looking. "Now _everyone_ at school will know about this tomorrow. Or at least Willow."

"Oh, crap," Xander said, looking stricken.

"Not from me, they won't," Faith said, starting to turn away.

"Really?" Cordelia brightened, grinning at her again. "Then again, thanks."

"Hey, no problem." Faith grinned back at her shoulder at the two of them, and said, "You guys decide to go into porn, though, I want free copies of all the films."

* * *

><p><em>Xander's parent's house, later...<em>

Luxuriating in the clean feeling after a hot, hot shower, Cordelia wandered into Xander's room. Nothing on but one of Xander's longer t-shirts, but hey – it made for good sleepwear, and his parents were dead to the world. Closing the door behind herself quietly, she found her guy sprawled out on the bed in a t-shirt and stretch boxers, one arm behind his head and staring up at the ceiling and frowning.

'Uh oh,' she thought. Xander didn't brood too often – and he'd freak and bristle at the Angel comparison if you called it brooding – but when he did...

Reaching into her bag, Cordelia pulled out a comb and her brush, and went to sit on the edge of the bed near him.

"Deep thoughts?" she said, arching her eyebrows down at him.

"Umm."

Oh boy. Just 'umm' and not even an eye flicker toward her. Crap.

"You're not still mad at me about the soul wisecrack thing, are you?" Cordelia asked. "Because I _told _you. I was so _not _in the mood for one of Buffy's freak outs and getting yelled at – "

"No."

Crap.

"Because it was the only thing I could think of to derail her and shut her up," Cordelia continued. "And yeah, okay, it was mean and I'm sorry, but – "

"_No_, Cordy," Xander said, sounding pained. Cool – finally got him to look over at her and away from the ceiling. "I'm not mad at you for that."

"Uh huh. What then?" she asked, curiously.

"I'm not mad at _you _at all," he said, huffing slightly. Finally, he gave up and rolled over onto his side, propping himself on an elbow and looking up at her. "Okay? Yeah, it was mean, but I agree with you."

"Really?" When Xander nodded, she broke out into a smile, and nodded back. "Good. Because yeah, it was stupid and risky what we were doing and we both know that and hey, we almost got all vampified because of it and we _so_ didn't need to hear that over and over again for – "

"Cordy!"

"What?"

"You're babbling like Willow, jeeze," Xander said, the corner of his mouth starting to curl up at her.

"Ack!" Cordelia's eyes widened. "You- you take that back, you!"

"Can't. It's true," Xander said, starting to grin. Well, half grin, which was okay. Better than him staring at the ceiling and grumping at her.

"It is not!" Cordelia huffed, and then said, curiously, "What, then?"

She started running the comb through her damp hair while watching him, and Xander raised an eyebrow at her. "Here. Let me do that for you."

"Really?"

"Really." Sitting up, Xander took the comb and brush from her hands and scooted down on the bed, and sat up. Swinging his legs over the side, he motioned to her. "Really really," he said.

"Huh. Okay."

Nodding, she got up and sat back down again on the edge of the bed, between his spread legs and with her back to him. Cordelia shivered slightly as she felt Xander's fingers start to play with her hair, sorting out and working gently through tangles before combing it.

Brr. And, ooh.

There was just something so, so... _sensual _about having the guy you were, uh, enthusiastically _not _'sleeping' with running his fingers through your hair. She'd never really gotten that from her hair dresser or stylist... while it was enjoyable, there was something professional and almost clinical about them playing with her hair and scalp that stopped short of being really 'sensuous'.

Xander's hands and fingers were anything _but _clinical.

He moved the fall of dark hair away from one side of her neck, and Cordelia felt his lips press against her bare skin there. And shivered again, all over, from her scalp down to her curling toes.

"Brr. Uh... oh God," Cordelia said, her eyes closing as her head leaned back. "Don't get me started again, Geek Boy."

"Yeah," Xander said, his voice quiet and soft. "Because one of your glass breaking screams waking up my folks would probably not be of the good."

"Uh huh."

Working a last almost tangle apart, Xander took the comb and began running it in long gentle sweeps through her hair. Scalp to ends, one hand holding a sheaf of wavy locks while the other brought the comb through it. Long, slow sweeps, as gentle and as caressing as any that he'd ever used running those broad and calloused hands over Cordelia's body.

She shivered again, arching like a cat under his touch and almost purring.

"Ooohh... damn."

"You like having your hair played with, huh?"

"Oh, yeah... " Cordelia arched her neck back, giving him better access. "It's _sexy_."

"Why do you think I like doing it?"

"As long as you do, I don't _care _why," Cordelia said. She looked back over her shoulder at him, smiling widely, and got a waggle of the eyebrows with the corners of those eyes crinkling at her. And, damn.

"Good. because then you might make me stop," Xander said, "And that just wouldn't do."

"I'll say," Cordelia agreed, turning her head back to face forward. "So... uh... what will your folks think about me waking up here?"

Xander snorted, and shrugged, the movement easily transferring through his hands in her hair. "Hah. Mom will think it's cute in kind of a bleary 'I just woke up and I don't give a crap' way."

"Hah!"

"Yeah. And dad... " Xander shrugged again, running a long sweep of comb through the hair at her left side, "Dad will think it's funny as all hell. Tease you, and growl at me. And then call me back when we leave and tell me how you're too damned good for me and I'll screw this all up like I do everything else."

"You won't," Cordelia said, scowling. "And I so really am."

"I know," Xander said, his voice dark, quiet, and serious. "And I'm really gonna try not to."

"I know. I won't let you." Cordelia sighed, and said, "So, what, then? I really am curious."

"Willow."

Oh. And, ugh.

"Crap."

"Yeah." Xander sighed heavily. "Willow is gonna _freak_. Again."

"Yeah. Dammit." Cordelia thumped a fist down on her thigh, and huffed in irritation. "Dammit."

"Yeah, you saw how she did when she found us _kissing _in the library," Xander said, "Right before she backed into Angel and he started to kill her."

"And having it slapped in her face that we're having wild and public _sex_?" Cordelia sighed again, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah. Took her forever to stop going on about it," Xander said, his voice still quiet and dark. "And she still thinks it's against all the laws of God, man, and nature."

"And science," Cordelia said, snickering softly. "Because it is: it so completely _violates _science principles."

"Yeah. Nothing scientific about us."

"Nope." Cordelia paused for a moment, and added, "Well, there's chemistry."

"Sodium and water."

"Oh, yeah. Phoom!"

"So, so not looking forward to the Willow freakage."

"Huh," Cordelia said, frowning. Xander set the comb aside in favor of the brush, and started running it through her waves of hair in long, slow strokes. Oh, God. He could do that for, like, for-_ever_. "Ah, uh... Faith said she wouldn't tell."

"Yeah. But Buffy?"

"Huh. Maybe? Maybe not."

Crap. Cordelia _really _didn't want to deal with Willow and freaking. Dammit – why couldn't the little red head just be happy that she had a boyfriend of her own who really, really liked her, and let the whole Xander fixation drop? Grrf.

"Hrrm?"

"Oh. Uh, remember," Cordelia said, "That Buffy caught a ton of the whole 'crimes against nature and man' rant for weeks after. Doubt that she's looking forward to the summer reruns."

"Ah. Yeah," Xander said. His hands stilled momentarily, and she could picture him frowning and then nodding back there. "And she has the whole 'I sent Angel to hell' mopefest of her own."

"Uh huh."

"But hey, Buffy? What you wanna bet that while she won't say anything on purpose," Xander said, sighing, "That she won't just blurt something out and be horrified after?"

"Yeah. 'Cause Buffy's brain to mouth filter is almost as good as yours. In the way that isn't."

"And then Will will go off, and Oz will feel like crap – "

"And you care?"

"Well, yeah." Cordelia looked back over her shoulder, arching an eyebrow, and he shrugged. "It's a guy solidarity thing," Xander explained. "There's not a guy in the world that doesn't cover his nads and give a sympathetic wince when another guy's girl lights into him full bore. Or does something horribly tacky and mean in front of him."

"Oh." Cordelia turned her face forward again, frowning. "Do you do that?"

"Naw. But I expect you to be mean and vicious."

"Oh, great," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes.

"_I_ worry when you _don't _say something horrible," Xander said, chuckling. In spite of herself, Cordelia giggled. "It means either you're deathly ill, or the Universe is about to end."

"Stop that, Dork," Cordelia said, snickering. "I'm not that bad. Uh, am I?"

"No. Not really," Xander said. Finishing, he swept her hair aside and began planting a slow line of kisses along her neck and shoulder line. "All done now."

"Uh huh... " Cordelia arched backward, slowly. "Oh, God. Let's go to bed before you get me all wound up again and I screw your brains out."

"What few I have?" Xander said, snickering. "Yeah. 'Cause I really am exhausted now."

"Yeah. Tension, boredom, sheer terror, and oh, hours of wild sex will do that," Cordelia said. "We can worry about Willow _tomorrow_."

"Yeah. I'm like, completely and totally drained," Xander said, sliding his arms around her waist from behind. "Let's go to sleep now."

"Uh huh."

Cordelia fell back with him onto the bed, and then rolled over and crawled up with him as Xander scooched and wriggled his way up to the pillows. She snuggled in alongside of him, one of his arms curled around her shoulders, and her leg thrown over him with her hand resting palm flat on his chest. Sighing contentedly.

"This is... horribly domestic," she said. "And nice."

"Yup. We should do it more often."

"Lots. And lots."

* * *

><p><em><strong>~The END~<strong>_

**(For now)**

* * *

><p><em><span>Will<span> Buffy take this lying down? Will Faith ever get her _ungh_ on? Will Willow have kittens on top of her Werewolf? Will this really be the end of Commander Nighthawk and the Commando Cutie's public sex-capades? Return with us in Next Week's thrilling episode and see!_

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